To get the children christened if DH doesn’t believe.

[Bonniebonchoco]

AIBU to get the children christened if DH and his family don’t believe. DH believes religion causes war and suffering and is not supportive of same sex relationships and is basically a tool to suppress uprising in poverty stricken counties where citizens fear the church.

I was brought up RC and would attend Church around 10 times a year with family . I went a RC school . I am very open minded and feel religion ( in all its forms ) was something which I enjoyed learning about and have taken some comfort in.
I am really open minded and never felt that religion caused me to judge others or myself . I only attend church a few times a year - Christmas and Easter .

I would like my twins ( aged 18 months ) to be christened . After much discussion, DH will compromise and allow them to be christened COE but not RC.

I do not want a big fuss made and a party. I want a low key christening during service and that’s it. I have spoken to the COE and the Reverend is happy to christen the children .However - I just can’t help feel this doesn’t make sense if DH isn’t fully on board . DH is very supportive and usually very laid back however he and his family do not like religion. I respect DH and don’t want to bulldoze him.

I am tired as I have had two babies and i just don’t know if I should press on with the christening plan and cause ‘stress’ from the opposing views . Or if this is my wish for my children then I just make it simple, organize it and do it and anyone who doesn’t want to attend doesn’t need to come .

I want the children to have the option of attending the local faith school where I attended but the head teacher has explained I will need the children christened for them to stand a chance of getting in.
DH said he will look at all schools and of this is the best suited for us the children can attended.

AIBU to push ahead ? I don’t want to cause friction but I don’t want to just people please.

I quite agree with you re the women point too

First Holy Communion is around 8. At my church confirmation is around 14 - 16 but I attend an FSSP parish so it might be earlier at others

Strictly speaking, if you are baptised past the age of reason, you usually receive the sacraments of baptism, holy communion and confirmation at the same time if your baptised at the Easter vigil by the Bishop so you could be confirmed from age 7 onwards.

I don't understand how this is so important to you, yet you married someone who is not religious...

So it's OK to lie to get them into a good school? Hmm.

Our children were baptised as Catholics to get them into the best school in town. They went on to make their sacraments with their friends up to and including confirmation.

We have made many, many friends who were parents at that school. Are any of us believers or practicing Catholics? No.

Are all of those children now atheists? Almost exclusively, yes. 😂

It’s not on to deliberately use the C of E as a second-best stepping stone with no further intention of engaging with its worship or teaching, just to appease the OP’s husband.

Interesting that the Church is considered to be close minded and unintellectual yet at the same time people are very keen to get their children into Catholic schools and they are often considered the best in an area 🙃

I'm one of those c of e revs that does lots of christenings. A lot of the parents do not have a clear articulate faith. But they know that it matters to them to have the children baptised. And that's enough. It's like planting a seed of faith- it may blossom and grow or it may not.

Why was your comment deleted @Verdimillious??? Very strange, not wrong or y factual with what you said???

*not wrong or non-factual

"I am agnostic and absolutely abhor the Catholic Church (and most other organised religions) for the destruction they have caused to the human race. There's no way I would willingly align my child with an organisation who have raped, starved, stolen and waged war and destruction against millions, if not billions, of people the world over for centuries."

I understand and share some of your reservations. However (and this also relates to other posters who have strong objections to institutional systems because of the RC Church's chequered history), where does this leave one in terms of having UK citizenship or, for that matter, a Belgian/Spanish/US/French/German/Chinese/Indian/etc one? These power-hungry states have very complex, unpalatable and sometimes abhorrent histories (involving theft, murder, oppression, waging of wars, slavery, etc); should I resist registering my DC as citizens because of this? Am I complicit in these histories/set out to indoctrinate my children/be a hypocrite/have no working reason if I choose to do this?

That is laudable and generous, @Blinkingmarvellous, but in the case of two quite articulate parents with opposing worldviews it may not be the right pastoral approach.

You could ask the same of her husband, why did he marry a Catholic if he then was going to let their child be baptized but not in his wife's tradition?

I believe there is a very big difference to one being born in a country and having citizenship automatically bestowed on them as a result of location, and willingly and consciously choosing to join an organisation that has destroyed the lives of so many people.

As far as I am aware, one cannot simply hold no citizenship at all?

@CurlewKate because if a school is funded by the state, all children should have equal access (taking into account vulnerable kids/catchment areas etc). Religion shouldn't be a part of state schooling- it's unfair.

My question was more illustrative than technical and a little bit facetious. I suspect you are absolutely right about citizenship but getting a passport is optional ;-). It is notionally possible to up sticks and become a citizen of a country with a 'cleaner' history and which may not have destroyed the lives of a lot of people. But that is all for the sake of illustration and citizenship and faith are indeed different things even if both are linked with identity and belonging; my point is simply that choosing to share your faith/beliefs/worldviews/moral values with your children from the very early days is natural and all parents do it (and then, naturally too, children can and do jettison many of them). For some people, the passing on of some beliefs has a ritual/institutional framework. For others it takes a different form. We all choose, I'd like to think, with the very best of intentions and hopes. And yes, most of us will disagree with what the neighbours choose to do with their kids on at least some fronts. The biggest challenge is when parents hold different worldviews and compromises need to be made, as it is the case with the OP's situation, but this can also be a helpful process and offer a valuable lesson in tolerance for parents and children (lots of posters have written about how their families negotiated this in different ways).

We can agree to disagree but sweeping generalizations (in this case about those who choose to be members of a particular community) are usually not helpful. I respect that you abhor the Church (I find plenty wrong with it, but much good too) but suggest that 'the Church' is more complex that the picture painted.

If you actually believe in the teachings of the Catholic Church, why would you even contemplate having them christened in a C of E church?!
If the salient reason, is just to get them into the RC school you went, then that's pretty shifty.
If your husband is really agin Catholicism and organised religion, no i wouldn't have them baptised or christened.

Why should your husband’s religious beliefs trump yours? Personally religious people and people who see your religion as harmful are best not getting married imo (does your husband consider you evil? Or just other RC people? His views go beyond this is what I believe, towards views that people like you are harmful and shouldn’t exist in a good society).

But if your husband is in agreement with your kids participating in your religion then go ahead and include them (provided your motivation is honest with respect to the statements you will make for the Christening if your motivation is to tick a box, then don’t - these rites are precious to other people and don’t deserve to be used like that)

I think it is also worth looking into your plans to Christen them COE if your intent is for you to remain within the RC tradition. I am not familiar with all RC churches, and have not attended a RC service in a long time, but last time I did, as a Christian from a different denomination I was excluded from elements of the service. Since I’m not RC, and was attending not for myself, that was fine. But if it is going to be your child’s congregation that’ll feel very different.

I would also look into the school’s actual requirements. I knew people who saw Christening their child as purchasing entrance into a school (I’m in a different country so things might be different) only to discover that they needed a letter from their parish priest for priority entrance. So Christened or not, they just went into the general entry pool.

The only part of the Mass that non-Catholics cannot participate in is physically receiving the Eucharist. This.is because the Church teaches, and devout Catholics believe, the Eucharist is the Body and Blood of Christ. This is the ultimate Sacrament of unity in the Catholic Church. It was one of main sticking points for many early Protestants who rejected the Mass. Most Protestants do not believe what Catholics believe about the Eucharist (and other Catholic teachings) as is the case of those of other faiths and none and therefore it would be sacrilegious and disrespectful to receive communion.

But those that can't physically receive can come up and receive a blessing (by crossing their arms across their chest) and many do, including children before they receive their First Holy Communion.

Other than receiving the Sacraments anyone can come into a Catholic church at any time and participate in Mass and any other liturgy.

Why will your DH only accept COE not RC?
As a atheist, why does he see RC as 'worse'?

I don't think I'd be happy with the suggested compromise. It's like you wanting to visit your home in Italy (as an example), him saying he'll stay at home and doesn't want you going to Italy but you can go to Portugal if you must...why?

You are not a member of the CoE so having your children baptised into it doesn’t make any sense.

if you really want them baptised at least do it in your own faith and don’t pick a different faith out of convenience.

if you are only doing it so they have a chance of getting into a school you like then at least be honest about it and also think about whether your DH will actually be ok with them attending (he won’t).

for transparency I’m atheist, anti faith schools and with your DH on this!

I don't think it's about the school for OP from what she's said.

I noticed @Sailingpasttheheadland's link to a homophobic website is still up though.

OP is religious so she's not lying.

Point I was making is that splashing some water on a babies head isn't forcing them to be religious.

@Bonniebonchoco I think you should follow your heart and your faith tbh. It sounds like the christening will mean much more to you than it will bother your husband. I also feel (I hope this is ok to say) that it sounds like you’re quite apologetic for having faith and I’m sorry if that is the case. Having faith doesn’t make you weak, silly, uneducated or obsessed with church schools. I think you should be true to how you really feel and what you think is right.