How could we have aged so much in 5 years?

[Obsessedwiththisseries]

Dh and I are both 45, I got pregnant at age 39 after years of infertility. We travelled lots, went to festivals, were full of everything and looked great.
Fast forward to now, we’re tired, just all the time, we usually have some complaints…aching all over, feeling unwell etc etc. He’s aged looks wise quite a lot, but I’m worse, I have grey hairs, when I had zero, even two years ago, puffy eyes all over, I look terrible and feel terrible physically.
We love our life with Dd and have what should be an amazing, beautiful life…
Looking back at even age 41 feels like another person, a young person, one who had energy, rarely felt ill and looked pretty good in general.
How is this possible

It's the zeros that do the damage, I've noticed a significant difference after each of them. 40 was a surprise but 50 a shock. 60 was better because I retired that day. I've got the next one coming up and dreading it. Cannot understand the whole celebrating big birthdays thing. I'd much rather try and pretent it wasn't happening. In my head I'm still only 26 but my body refuses to cooperate.

I've had a similar thing on social media. A few women I know have recently updated their profile photos and I had to look twice to check they hadn't used a picture of their mum... We're late 40s.

The only positive thing that can be said about ageing is that it is better than the alternative.

I looked younger than 33 anyway...but not as young as 25. I looked fab 😊

Absolute crap. I wouldn’t like any of my children to have become/or will become parents at 19, I don’t think they would either.

I had my youngest at 38/39 and definitely did not look old at age 45, looking back at photos, I was still very ‘fresh’ looking.

OP, you need to look at why you’re feeling so tired - maybe get a set of blood tests done ? Are you working long hours, not getting enough sleep, not eating well, not exercising, a daily walk, etc. etc. Are you overweight -which does affect energy levels ? Are you in a rut - maybe working at something you don’t particularly enjoy ?

I think what can happen sometimes that parents get so immersed with their children that they don’t take care of themselves - regular hairdresser visits, making an effort with clothes, regular exercise, a hobby, meet up with friends, etc and just end up looking tired and worn out - no matter what decade they are in age-wise.

Actually it is 35.

How many are in the best situation to have children when a teenager? Also how many are grandparents at 39? Guess in your chavvy area it is common. 🤣

We haven't discussed genetics, did your parents, grandparents look young for their age, or did they look older than they should in their forties?

This post should be pinned at the top of every one of those incessant what is the best/worst age to have a baby type discussions x

I'm like that now, nearly 45 feel tired alot of the time. Work, family life just seems so much! I have a 2 year old and an 10 year old.

I knew identical twins. One had one child and one had four. They looked 10 years different in age. Guess who looked older…

😂 it’s not age it’s becoming a parent . I feel the same just turned 42

I saw this thread title and wondered if you would be 45. And i was right. I could have written your post, although my kids are older. I seem have gone from vivacious 40 something to frumpy, spotty, peri-menopausal mess. My skin is grim, my hairs a mess, and i seem to bruise easily. My blood work is all over the place, and i like you, enjoyed my 20s and 30s too. What a fucking state! You're not alone!

I think if you want to look good as you age, and MANY do, it needs a lot more maintenance.
If I don't do it I don't look well. Whereas when younger I could pass okay if I didn't do it.
Now I'm older I have to make more effort but it pays off, I love my look
The only problem is many have less energy and too much going on as we age so it's a fighting battle

It’s kids 😂 I always had a baby face, #1 at 26 and #2 at 29. 30 now and deffo look my age lol

Definitely parenthood 😭 my friends with no children who are same age as me (44) looks great, full of energy and vitality whereas I am shattered with puffy eyes all the time 😭

I literally wait for people to say, 'you're never 40 (whatever)'. I'm still waiting...

Having had an age defying baby face forever, just 5 years of parenthood has given me the air of an older, weary, battle scarred woman.

That’s parenthood! I’ve been in a state of anxiety and exhaustion for 18 years and still have 1 year old twins to bring up. I’ll be a wreck by the time they’re 18

@ImustLearn2Cook · Today 10:39

I was almost 37 when I had dd. I had fertility issues. I had given up trying. I finally found some acceptance and peace with never having children. I wasn’t trying to conceive. She was a wonderful surprise. I will never ever feel that it was unnatural to have conceived her in my late 30’s. I will never believe that I was too old. I will always believe that she was meant to be.

If I had babies younger they would not have been her. She still would have been conceived exactly when she was conceived. She came from that particular egg that was ovulated at that particular moment and that particular sperm that was released at that particular moment.

I believe that every single one of us is meant to be. Every baby born was somehow meant to exist. I am so sick of the attitude against young mothers/older mothers. Saying that young mother (who chooses to continue with their pregnancy and every woman has the right to make a choice) is too young or that mother who is older than 35 is too old is a bit like saying their babies should never have existed. And I really don’t feel that’s right.

Good post.

All I want to add to this thread is that I don't actually know anyone who has aged massively from having children. There seems to be a lot of women on MN who have, but in real life women with kids, age the same as those who don't have any. (IME.) I know women who have never had kids who look 7-8 years older than their age, and women who have had kids who look 7-8 years younger. Most (whether they have kids or not!) just look roughly their age!

I think it's really down to genetics, good healthy living, good genes, whether you smoke, how much you drink, your BMI, your stress levels, and your financial situation. A blanket statement saying 'having kids ages women' is just daft. Even by the time mine were young teens, I still looked 7 years younger than my age. Conversely a single woman in my neighbourhood who had never married or had kids, looked 7 years older.

Feel for someone like me who has managed to age about 10 years since Covid without the excuse of having had kids!

@Crushed23

But it has been scientifically proven.

I'm 45 and it's the bag under one eye that has suddenly developed that is really bothering me along with the constant fatigue. I have been told my iron and vitamin D levels are low but test show I am not peri-menopausal. The constant fatigue is really getting to me and my eyesight has got worse. This ageing process is really kicking in.

I had my daughter a month shy of my 43rd birthday. The first few years were hell - she was a fussy baby and didnt sleep through until 16 months, and I felt permanently tired all the time. BUT - It does get better as they become more independent. Daughter is 11 now, I feel I finally caught up on sleep deprivation, and have much more time for myself.
One more thought, have you had your thyroid checked? An under active thyroid gland can cause you to feel exhausted/gain weight easily etc.

Random response… but do you have a gas fire? If so get it checked. We went tru a year of feeling absolutely awful and exhausted. It turned out our gas fire had a small leak but was slowly causing our issue.

Early 40s and aging by the day! My partner and friends are too