How could we have aged so much in 5 years?

[Obsessedwiththisseries]

Dh and I are both 45, I got pregnant at age 39 after years of infertility. We travelled lots, went to festivals, were full of everything and looked great.
Fast forward to now, we’re tired, just all the time, we usually have some complaints…aching all over, feeling unwell etc etc. He’s aged looks wise quite a lot, but I’m worse, I have grey hairs, when I had zero, even two years ago, puffy eyes all over, I look terrible and feel terrible physically.
We love our life with Dd and have what should be an amazing, beautiful life…
Looking back at even age 41 feels like another person, a young person, one who had energy, rarely felt ill and looked pretty good in general.
How is this possible

We all get older unless we don't, which is much worse than looking like we get older.

As was said. Getting older is not great, but the alternative is definitely not better.

Wait until the menopause, she's a teenager, the responsibility of looking after aging parents, as well as trying to hold down a job.

Ohlordylordlordy
Sorry to hear about that lady and hope you feel better (and that you have a good day x )

My six year old is the same. Always very high energy. Those who don't have children like that won't understand it. I also feel very tired (we do have a one year old too). 🤣

Do you get enough sleep?
Are you eating well and not too much carbs and sugar.
Do you have a good work life balance that works for you?
Have you had a blood test? Low levels of iron and some vitamins can do this. Or start taking a good multi vit (floradix is good) and vitamin d

These are all the things you could consider.
Once you hit 40's though, you do need to start taking better care of yourselves.

I was 38 having my son, and I’ve always been young looking. Now im 43 and feel horrendous. Permanently knackered, my eyes look bloodshot, I just look so old! I hope it will go when my son is older, he still gets us up early. I work full time so just always tired.
Also need to lose weight. I just want my nice face back. It doesn’t even have to look young, just nice and less jowly.
It’s definitely parenting! And having them later just accelerates the aging process I think.

Oh and like others above, my son is high energy, always on the go. I just want to sit down for hours !!

My kids use to do this ..."Mum, is that YOU???" when we were looking at old photos 😮😬
So depressing!
OP, it's definitely a thing. I'm on some sort of Rapid Ageing Programme since I had the kids 😫
Just hoping everyone else eventually catches up with me, so I don't stand out too much 😁

I think it's later parenting. I'm finally starting to reap the benefits of accidentally having my children young, and feeling very judged for it for years. Most of my school friends are just having children now in their mid to late 30's, I still pass for being in my 20's, no lines or grey hair yet at 38.

Yes grandparent age, our bodies are best equipped for pregnancy both and child raising from late teens to mid twenties so at 39 you are natural grandparent age.
It's society that is pushing late parenthood , there is a re

Reason fertility drops post 30

What point is this comment making? Women over 30 shouldn't have children?

Society isn't pushing anything, women have a lot more choice now, unlike my mum's generation.

@downbutnotouttake969 Don’t be ridiculous

Yep I lost siblings young. Every sign of aging is a privilege
Shame society makes people feel so bad about it

I'm 41 and don't have kids and feel I aged a lot since I turned 40. Friends around the same age - some with kids and some not - mostly seem to be going through the same. For women, perimeno plays a part too. I look at photos of me a year ago and think I look much older now. I do have a stressful job although it's also a really fulfilling and interesting one. I've started taking vitamins/supplements in the past 6 months and improving my diet, and that's helping with the physical symptoms. I'm less tired now but also need more rest than I did 10 years ago and everything affects me more (physically) - lack of sleep or bad diet etc. and I really feel it.

Natural childbearing age is anywhere between puberty and menopause - very near either is best avoided but many of our foremothers would have been having babies from teenage all the way through 20s and 30s. What's unusual now is that we don't have to start as soon in order to have an appropriate number.

And then beyond childbearing, human grandmothers would remain active - probably doing more of the carrying and digging than their daughters.

Now, you can remain active and healthy (maybe with a dip during menopause). You don't need mate-attracting looks any more, part of the problem in our society is far too much emphasis on this, valuing 'youthful' looks rather than a more sensible understanding of maturity and wisdom.

Society is pushing delaying having children but not having dcs older. That's our bodies naturally being able to do it and without birth control, there'd be tonnes of women in their 40's having kids.

Im an 'older' mother and I don't lack energy or look terrible. It's just hard to prioritise yourself with young kids but we all should from time to time.
Wellbeing and a healthy lifestyle is important.

i had 2 children in my 20s, i've always been young looking, slim and conventionally attractive. since having my boy at 38 i have aged rapidly, gained 3 stone and look every bit of my 40 years and more. i feel disgusting and unattractive, if people haven't seen me for a while i can see the shock in their face regarding how much i've changed. clothes look awful on me, i have no energy and just feel like a frump. husband doesn't care he always tells me i'm beautiful and just need time to self care but i don't get time.

I don't agree at all with this, I do think that some people equate youth with being aware of what the current trends are but for me its more about have the energy and sense of adventure and confidence you have when young. In general in my childfree friends or those that are done with parenting in their 40's and 50's they still have that going on or have re-established it and are typically way more active than I am, sure I am always running about but it just wears me out! Also I tend to find younger parents aren't that interested in older parents even if our kids get on well, and looking at people who were older parents that are now in their 70's I don't see this to be true either. However as an older parent myself I hope you are right!

Had my DD at nearly 34 - I look back at photos of me at 33 and I looked about 29 or 30. Now at 40 I look my age. So I've aged 10 years in 6!
Dd has never been a great sleeper, needs constant attention and interaction...it takes its toll.

I look back at photos of me at 33 and I looked about 29 or 30

How on earth does 33 look distinctively different from 29 or 30? I don't think many people change that much over those few years.

Parenthood and the stress and anxiety that the pandemic caused to all of us.

Thst sounds extreme in just a few years. Do you look after yourselves? Eat well, sleep well, exercise, limit alcohol, not smoke etc? If you do, then I’d see your GP as it doesn’t seem normal to me.

I was almost 37 when I had dd. I had fertility issues. I had given up trying. I finally found some acceptance and peace with never having children. I wasn’t trying to conceive. She was a wonderful surprise. I will never ever feel that it was unnatural to have conceived her in my late 30’s. I will never believe that I was too old. I will always believe that she was meant to be.

If I had babies younger they would not have been her. She still would have been conceived exactly when she was conceived. She came from that particular egg that was ovulated at that particular moment and that particular sperm that was released at that particular moment.

I believe that every single one of us is meant to be. Every baby born was somehow meant to exist. I am so sick of the attitude against young mothers/older mothers. Saying that young mother (who chooses to continue with their pregnancy and every woman has the right to make a choice) is too young or that mother who is older than 35 is too old is a bit like saying their babies should never have existed. And I really don’t feel that’s right.