Hubby home only at weekends

[Flowersandhoney]

Hubby started working away 2 yrs ago (Monday-Friday (should have only been for a few months) no end in sight. Good money though so means we can do nice things (I’m a SAHM but suffering with bowel problems so gave up work while trying to get a diagnosis- so not well a lot of the time). Here’s the problem.. he comes home on a Friday night and announces what he’s doing at the weekend. He plays ruby and he’s not here in the week to train but the boys all love him so if they need a player he’s there like a shot. Very rarely will miss a game. In the week he has his single life (so I feel) then waltz’s in on a Friday, declaring what he’s doing and makes me feel shit for not being happy for him. He’s amazing at helping around the house when he’s here but all I can focus on is how selfish I find him pissing off when it suits him. It’s making me feel like I don’t want him home.. I have a routine in the week and come the weekend it’s all about him. Our house needs work but nothing gets done as he’s not here. AIBU that I want him to be at home with me and the children considering he can do what he likes in the week.

Get something lined up for yourself this weekend. When he waltz in this friday, you can tell him how excited you are for your brunch tomorrow.

YABVU to have allowed this to carry on so long.

Your DH can play rugby/football in the evenings that he is working away. In my opinion, I would be having both weekend lie ins, and would do whatever I wanted, when I wanted at the weekend and allow him to deal with life.

Sorry? Where does it say that? Men generally don’t go working away for 9-5 jobs. My oh works away and his day starts at 4.30am and he gets in at 7.20pm. He has a shower, something to eat, watches one episode of his show and goes to bed. And he’s only home every other weekend btw. The ops oh is working his arse off, paying for his costs, his children, and for the op to be a stay at home mum. He’s not away ‘living the single life’ as op seems to think. He’s probably under a lot of pressure being the sole provider, and the op’s getting her knickers in a twist over him playing rugby sometimes. If that were my oh I’d take the kids and go and watch him, maybe go out for a drink/meal afterwards. He’s got 5 days working, I’d insist on 1 day family time, and then a day he can pop out for a few hours to do his hobby or whatever

Sounds ideal to me.. he's away most of time. Make yourself a nice life and enjoy it whilst the money is there

This. lol at @Sdpbody ‘he can just play rugby when he’s working away’. How the fuck is he meant to do that? He’s playing a sport where the matches are on weekends, at a club he belongs to with his actual friends. And when I had to work away for 14 months a couple of years ago I was putting in 16 hour days including my commute from the digs, so I’d love to know how @Delatron would be fitting in the gym/swimming/cinema trips and piss ups with my colleagues around that. If I’d come home to my jobless partner refusing to lift a finger because it was ‘my turn’ to do everything around the house I was solely paying for, I wouldn’t come home

@Ihatethenewlook doesn't say he works all hours either.
My DHs job is 8-5pm, accommodation provided... his evenings involve hobbies, volunteering and sometimes more emails or studying.

How is he having a single life while he is away working? Is he out partying every night while he's away?

What does he do when he's away, what hours does he work?

It's not all fun working away?

This!!

Good for him. My hours are 7.30am-2pm, then 4pm-20.30pm split shifts 6 days a week. I barely get any family time at all and I don’t even work away. And working away is not the same as being at home with your friends. He’s not living the high life at work and then nobbing off for even more when he’s at home. I see no issue in her oh being allowed to see his actual friends one day a week. The op said he’s completely hands on with the kids and the housework on the weekends. I think she should be a little more appreciative having a husband who’s income allows her to stay at home and not have to work, who does everything he can to help her when he’s there, and from what I can see spends the majority chunk of the weekend with her. But god forbid he dare take a little bit of that weekend for himself to do a hobby or see his friends

This isn’t a marriage OP, this is him taking the piss.

Just end it and save yourself the hassle.

The reason this set-up has been going on for so long is because he’s absolutely loving it.

Personally i think you need to decide if you want to stay with him, if you do you need to communicate, if you don't you need to set yourself a date to leave whether it be one month or one year, get together all the cash you can and make plans.

I think you both need to communicate a bit better. He wants to see friends, participate in his sport, and take exercise when he's home at weekends - as well as see his family.
You want some down time, from the constant 24/7 responsibilities, and to actually see your husband.
I think the two are not completely exclusive of each other. If you have a shared calendar, you could get things plotted into that. The rule in our house was always that whomever got something on the calendar first, then they got the priority.

I know that my Dad worked away a fair bit when we were kids, and it wasn't much fun, as he was on call overnights, etc., and Mum had the three of us to look after all week. He was also a rugby player, so Saturday was rugby day (and we often all went too), and Sunday was family day. My Mum got a lie in/time to herself on a Saturday morning, whilst Dad took us to Granny's, then at lunchtime, that was rugby time. Sunday was for a family outing/DIY/visiting family or friends.

So basically you never get a day off, and he gets two days off per week??

So he gets his time to himself, does she ever get time to herself?

How was the decision made for him to work away? What discussions did you have about how life would change? How big of a deal is it if he wants to return to working closer to home?

You need to communicate about it.

8 and 6

I would make your plans over the next couple of days and then text him on Thursday evening / Friday morning with an itinerary for the weekend. Make him negotiate around your plans rather than the other way around. See how he responds to that.

After you've done that for 2/3/4 weeks make him sit down and talk about how to plan the weekends going forward.

I don’t know, she hasn’t said. The thing is that she hasn’t asked for it. She’s asked to have her husband with her all of the time for the entire weekend, which is unreasonable. If she wanted time for herself too, that is entirely reasonable, but she doesn’t seem to want that. Going by her update she has two older primary kids so they’re in school 5 days a week. I don’t know if there are friends and family about who can take them for an evening if she wants to go out. And if she wants time to herself at the weekends when her oh is home, then that 100% should be arranged too and he can have the kids. But like I said at first, she’s not asking for time alone. She’s asking to have her husband for the entire time he’s off work. I’m wondering is she doesn’t have much of a life outside of the house, especially being isolated with no job and people to interact with, so she may be completely relying on her oh for all her emotional needs, which is also unfair.

Can you just imagine if the sexes were reversed in this-
‘My husband is a stay at home dad to 2 children who are in school all day. I work away from my family 5 days a week so I can earn enough money to provide for us all. When I come home on the weekends I do as much housework as I can, and as much as I can with the kids. Sometimes when I’m home my friends phone me to go out and do a hobby for a few hours. I really enjoy seeing my friends and it’s the only opportunity to do the hobby that I love. The problem is that my oh hates me spending any time away from him on the weekend. He says I get the whole week to myself when I’m working, and I’ve got my colleagues to socialise with so I don’t need to spend any time with my actual friends. Now he wants to make a timetable where I have to book to see them 4 weeks in advance. So if my friend phones to invite me to do the hobby, I’m not allowed because it’s not on my husbands schedule. Aibu’?

This would sound abusive as fuck if a man was doing this to a woman. And yet there are people on here agreeing with the pp and telling her she should leave him over it for fucks sake!

whats the point of being a couple

Give over. Both are entitled to down time.

TBH I had assumed there were preschoolers involved

You have free time 6 hours x 5 a week? What do you do during this time? See friends? Hobbies? Self care?

Indeed. The op should break up with him immediately. Then instead of getting her entire life funded by her oh and help and support when he’s home, she can get no support at all, and just whatever csa she gets awarded which won’t pay for the lifestyle she has now.
Lets make a list-
Kind ✅
Hardworking ✅
Generous ✅
Pays for literally everything to keep op a kept woman ✅
Pulls his weight around the house ✅
Is a good dad and takes care of his kids ✅
Wants to see his friends once a week ❌ friends??! FRIENDS??! WTF DO YOU MEAN HE WANTS TO SPEND SOME TIME WITH HIS FUCKING FRIENDS??! Divorce him immediately!!! 😡😡😡