Just want to push back against the idea of ‘grooming adults transing autistic children’ by sharing our family story.
My child (autistic) has flags as one of their special interests. Has always loved knowing the flags of every country, US State, and lots of other flags(they are amazing at pub quizzes). One day they found a site created by a gender nonconforming autistic teen which had links all the different flags of the LGBTQIA+ communities.https://www.hrc.org/resources/lgbtq-pride-flags
(We had previously attended a picnic in support of same-sex marriage which is banned where we are, and my child had been interested to see all the Pride flags 🏳️⚧️ 🏳️🌈 especially as they have always loved rainbows).
Anyway, absolutely fascinating to my kid and they went on a big reading and researching mission to learn all about these different flags
that got them thinking about their own identity and they told me they didn’t feel like a heterosexual neurotypical boy or girl but something different and nonbinary felt right, and they wanted to use they/them pronouns and present as androgynous. They felt they had little in common with the football playing boys at school and preferred to hang out with girls. They also had a crush on one of the girls so didn’t think they were gay.
They also said they were upset at the idea of losing their child’s body and growing facial and body hair. (They have always disliked transitions and used to cry on the eve their birthday at the idea of changing their age).
So we were supportive and said puberty can be tough, and being autistic can be tough and it’s normal to think about what your identity is and how you feel about yourself can change over time. Remember when you were x age and into y and then you changed and got into other things? We will always love you and we want you to feel safe and it’s fine to try out different ways of thinking about your identity. We didn’t talk about medical transitioning because they were 11! We talked about if you don’t like having hairy legs, pits or facial hair you can shave. We explained that puberty and adolescence takes a long time, it’s not a sudden transformation, and it’s normal to have questions, worries and strong powerful feelings - and that the feelings can change like weather systems rolling through.
We let them grow their hair long, wear eyeliner and blue nail polish at weekends and school holidays, and we did a lot of talking about internet safety, consent, privacy and not interacting with anyone online who you didn’t know in real life (but leaving comments on YouTube gamer influencers was fine).
They blossomed. I can’t imagine what it would have been like if they felt shamed or scolded.
Several months later they decided they were probably a gender nonconforming neurodivergent boy using he/they pronouns who mostly liked girls and had a straight, male autistic best friend. That’s where they are now aged 13 and every day I’m so glad that they feel safe exploring and learning about how fantastic they are.