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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boyfriend wants to take my friend out on a date

530 replies

MayNov · 23/01/2024 13:08

So, trying to keep this one short. My friend from out of town is coming to stay with me for a few days. My boyfriend has met her and gone out with us the last time she was in town. My boyfriend has taken a couple of days off work to go out with us.

I've mentioned I was going to do a gym&swim on one of the days she's here (I can spend up to 4 hours gymming & swimming) and my boyfriend said he'll ask my friend whether she wants to go on a long walk and for a lunch at the local pub with him. I said that would make me feel uncomfortable, he said he doesn't see any reason why this would make me feel uncomfortable.

Aibu to insist this would make anyone feel uncomfortable?

OP posts:
pickledandpuzzled · 23/01/2024 13:09

No, not at all.

pickledandpuzzled · 23/01/2024 13:10

I take that back. He’s not unreasonable. He’s keeping your friend busy while you are on your own for 4 hours.

What did you think she’d do while you are at the gym?

MrsMitford3 · 23/01/2024 13:10

Find it odder that your friend coming to see you and you are "gymming and swimming" for 4 hours without her

Bigearringsbigsmile · 23/01/2024 13:10

You are being entirely unreasonable.
He is nit taking her on a sate, he is entertaining a guest when you are otherwise engaged

Do you not trust him?

Bigearringsbigsmile · 23/01/2024 13:11

*not
*date

Ace56 · 23/01/2024 13:11

Hmm, I think it depends. How well does he know her? Have they spent time alone together before? Is she just your friend or has he now become friends with her too/do they speak separately to you and her?

If he doesn’t really know her then I think this would be very odd, yes. I have a friend who I regularly go and stay with in another European country. She lives with her bf and he obviously joins us for some things like dinners etc but I can’t imagine spending hours on my own with him.

On the other hand I can’t imagine my friend going off to the gym for hours on her own while I’m there either, I’d think it was a bit rude!

Caggers · 23/01/2024 13:11

Your thread title doesn’t reflect what has actually happened.

mummylove24 · 23/01/2024 13:11

No, that was thoughtful of him. But can I ask why you’re going gym/swimming for half the day when you have a guest?, why can’t she come with you?

Flickersy · 23/01/2024 13:12

What makes you think this is a date, rather than him kindly offering to entertain your guest while you go to the gym?

Bubbleohseven · 23/01/2024 13:13

Another one here puzzled about why your going to gym and swim (for 4 hours!!!) when you've got a guest. It's that that's odd, not your boyfriends offer.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 23/01/2024 13:14

You want to leave your guest for 4 hours to amuse themselves and you feel uncomfortable that your bf has offered to entertain them? If he was going to shag her I am sure your 4 hour gym session would give them more than enough time.

randomchap · 23/01/2024 13:14

What are you expecting your friend to do for 4 hours while you're busy?

Unless there's something else you've not mentioned, then it sounds like your boyfriend is just being hospitable.

BayCityCoaster · 23/01/2024 13:14

MrsMitford3 · 23/01/2024 13:10

Find it odder that your friend coming to see you and you are "gymming and swimming" for 4 hours without her

Yes 👆

Do you have to ‘gym and swim’ for 4 hours, while your friend is visiting?

Does she want to go walking and lunching for hours with someone she barely knows…?

britnay · 23/01/2024 13:14

Very rude of you to fuck off for 4 hours when you have a guest staying. It sounds more like he is keeping her entertained. Its a walk and pub lunch FFS, not a candlelit dinner.

MorrisZapp · 23/01/2024 13:14

Unless your friend has particular issues, she will grab that four hours on her own with both hands. She categorically does not want a walk and lunch with your boyfriend, and unless she's particularly fond of him she doesn't want him to take time off to hang out with you both either.

CharmedCult · 23/01/2024 13:15

Why is he gegging in on your friends visit by taking a couple of days off to join you?

Did he ask if you actually wanted him tagging along the whole time?

I find that quite odd.

winefortea · 23/01/2024 13:15

Would you rather they sat at home and twiddled their thumbs while you went off and did your thing?
It sounds like he has offered to entertain your friend while you go to the gym. I wouldn't read any more into it than that, unless there is a backstop which hasn't been mentioned.

catsnhats11 · 23/01/2024 13:15

He's not taking her on a "date" he's occupying her while you're at the gym, she has come to visit you, why are you spending 4 hours of her visit at the gym?

Cloudnumber9 · 23/01/2024 13:15

YABVU - especially for going for a 4 hour gym and swim while your friend is visiting you.
Your boyfriend sounds lovely for wanting to entertain your friend, whereas you sound like you are putting yourself first.

Gazelda · 23/01/2024 13:16

I think he's being kind and hospitable to your guest. I wouldn't read anything more into it.

If I were him, I'd be thinking you're a bit unreasonable to go out for 4 hours while you have a visitor.

If I were her, I'd think you're prioritising the gym and making her feel a tad unwelcome. I'd be grateful for his friendship if I were her.

TempleOfBloom · 23/01/2024 13:16

Pretty rude to disappear to the gym for 4 hours while your friend is on a quick visit to you - unless she has her own activities to pursue as part of her reason for coming.

Understandable that he would feel hospitable - and it isn't 'date'.

What would you rather he do? Sit at home with her while you swan off to the gym? Or insist she absents herself from the house so as to be away from him?

However, I am surprised your Bf has taken time off work to accompany you on days with your friend. Do you have suspicions?

Cas112 · 23/01/2024 13:16

so he's not really asked her on a date 😂😂😂

Watchthedoormat · 23/01/2024 13:16

She is YOUR friend and HE has booked time off work?
Does he like playing gooseberry?
I would be mighty pissed off of I went to visit a friend and her boyfriend was hanging around with us. I'd certainly not be going for a walk and lunch with him.

TheFormidableMrsC · 23/01/2024 13:16

The title of your thread is wholly misleading. It's rude of you to bugger off the gym for hours when you've got a visiting friend. Your boyfriend sounds decent.

WhatNoUsername · 23/01/2024 13:17

So your friend is visiting for about three days and you're buggering off to the gym for half a day?!? You are being vv unreasonable there. And your boyfriend is kindly stepping in and offering to entertain your friend while you bugger off for hours and you have a problem with it? The mind boggles.