AIBU to want to keep baby things given to me by my sister.

[Noonesawme]

When DS was born, DSis gave us all their baby things including big bits like crib and changing table and loads of clothes. They are adamant they're not having more children so there was never a conversation about needing to give anything back when she gave them to us. I am genuinely very grateful for her giving us all these bits.

DSis has now asked for a lot of these things back to give to her DH's sister who is having her first baby.

I do feel a bit annoyed at this. DS is still young so we haven't decided for sure yet if we want another but it's definitely not off the table and we have put these things away now DS has finished with them (she isn't asking for anything DS is still using, just that he has outgrown, to be fair).
I did say to DSis we were hoping to keep everything ready for if and when we have another and DSis spoke to her sis-in-law who agreed to give anything back if we have a second.
I still feel a bit irritated though. Her sis-in-law is a bit older than me so probably likely to have a second baby not that long after they have this one if they want another (I don't know her at all, just going on what DSis has mentioned) so I can see that we may well end up clashing with needing some of these bits and because it'll be in her house, she'll be the one that gets to keep them. From what I know of her they have a lot more money than DH and I do and could probably much more easily afford to buy all these things if they weren't given them whereas we would really struggle to replace everything we thought we wouldn't have to think about at all.
I know I didn't buy these things myself but they are sentimental also as they were DS's baby things and I just don't really want to give them away and have to hope we get them back.
WIBU to just refuse to give them back?

Did she give or lend? If she gave you the items then just keep them with no shame, if she lent you the items then I guess unfortunately you’ll have to hand them back.

It’s annoying through. I had this with an item of furniture that a relative actually gave me but about two years later decided they wanted it back. They constantly nagged over it so we just let them have it in the end, even though we were still using it. I still feel a bit resentful now tbh.

I have seen threads on here where a MNer has given baby items to a friend or relative, who has then gone on to give them away or sell them, and the MNer has been firmly told that, once they have given the things away, they lose any rights to determine what happens to them afterwards. But @Noonesawme is being told that the donor of these baby items has every right to ask for them back, and to give them to someone else.

I have even seen threads where the MNer has lent baby stuff, which has then been sold or passed on to someone else, and they have been told that they should have made it crystal clear that it was a loan, not a gift, and if they didn't do so, it's their fault the stuff was handed on and not given back.

Personally, I think that, if @Noonesawme's sister gave her the baby stuff, and didn't say it was a loan, then it is a bit unreasonable of her to want the stuff back.

I’m sure she will seeing she has form for doing so. What you can’t be sure of is that the other couple will oblige.

But that will no longer be in the sister’s gift to give!

I expect after all this she’ll make it crystal clear that the items are on loan.

It seems selfish to me, because you were given those things. We’ve passed on bits and pieces including clothes to nephews/nieces and we got them back when we had our second, along with a load of newly purchased stuff.

Baby stuff is expensive, the more you can share it around then the more use it gets and the cheaper it all becomes.

Let your sister have the things back and I’m sure you’ll get some new stuff when it comes back round for your second.

When your DS is older, I really don't think you'll want a sentimental changing table.

It would seem reasonable to hold onto a few special outfits (they can pack away small into storage) but nothing more.

I think it being a gift is implied in that the DSis would not be having any more DC of her own. You wouldn’t expect her to want them back to give/loan to other people.

If I was OP I would definitely get in touch with the other couple to hand the stuff over and cut her DSiis out of the loop.

I’m probably gonna get flamed for this, but when you give something away you no longer own it. It becomes the new owners who can do with it what they will. Dsis can request them but they belong to you now so it’s your choice if you share or not. I’m not going to get into the the ‘selfish’ side of things. Just that they belong to you, you have received a request, you can accept or decline as you wish

Next due gets the stuff
By the time you have your next should she may be done with it

They are if they were given and not loaned. Or are all present you buy for your family and friends your possessions too?

I agree with this post. I will go against the grain and say that I think your sister is being a bit annoying in asking for the stuff back since it seems like she did not make it clear up-front that she was lending to you and not giving to you. I’ve passed hand me downs onto people before and would never dream of asking those people to give them back to me so I could choose the next person to hand them down to.

That said, now that she’s asked you, I agree that you need to give the things back. I also think you could ask to withhold 1-2 sentimental items.

Of they were given and not loaned then yes they do belong to op and dsis has no right to them anymore

You sound like a capitalists dream! Reusing items, especially baby items which get used for such a short period of time, is always a good thing. Can’t imagine getting so worked up over the simple kindness of someone giving their sister some useful things!

They were gifted not loaned. You you own all the gifts you buy for your friends and family?

YANBU.

She gave them to you, no strings attached.

When she did so, they became yours.

If she’d described them as a loan, or a resource that she’d like to circulate amongst family, that would be one thing. But she didn’t.

Understandably, you’ve come to think of these items as yours. They are.

She doesn't have the right to swoop in and take them back, and give them to another. Personally, I can’t imagine doing this. A gift is a gift.

You are neither spoiled nor selfish, and you are certainly not being unreasonable.

If you can't afford to buy a crib you can't afford a second baby

Yabvvu give them back

Incredibly unreasonable!!

Good lord, how selfish!

I might want a baby, so therefore everyone else can sort themselves out!

If you have another baby you can ask for them back from the other person surely??

Thank you! This is my thought process. I did not buy them but I do consider them mine. My DSis never said there was a possibility she would want them back to pass on, she just gave them to us and I assumed they would be ours to use for all our children, however many that may end up to be.
I'm not trying to make judgements of her sis-in-law either, I was just explaining my thought process as to why I'm worried there's a possibility we won't get them back. I don't know her! Met her very briefly at DSis' wedding years ago but that's it, it's not really about her, it's about my DSis' and BIL suddenly asking for a gift they gave back which I'm upset about.

Actually going to change my thing to YANBU. She should of made it clear was just to loan if she didn't then assume gift and you don't give a gift back.

Meany pegs.

Bit late for that, surely. OP has had her baby and her DS has already gifted her the stuff. There’s now another couple relying on other people’s things (who are possibly not all that bothered but for DS’s saying they could have them).