AIBU to want to keep baby things given to me by my sister.

[Noonesawme]

When DS was born, DSis gave us all their baby things including big bits like crib and changing table and loads of clothes. They are adamant they're not having more children so there was never a conversation about needing to give anything back when she gave them to us. I am genuinely very grateful for her giving us all these bits.

DSis has now asked for a lot of these things back to give to her DH's sister who is having her first baby.

I do feel a bit annoyed at this. DS is still young so we haven't decided for sure yet if we want another but it's definitely not off the table and we have put these things away now DS has finished with them (she isn't asking for anything DS is still using, just that he has outgrown, to be fair).
I did say to DSis we were hoping to keep everything ready for if and when we have another and DSis spoke to her sis-in-law who agreed to give anything back if we have a second.
I still feel a bit irritated though. Her sis-in-law is a bit older than me so probably likely to have a second baby not that long after they have this one if they want another (I don't know her at all, just going on what DSis has mentioned) so I can see that we may well end up clashing with needing some of these bits and because it'll be in her house, she'll be the one that gets to keep them. From what I know of her they have a lot more money than DH and I do and could probably much more easily afford to buy all these things if they weren't given them whereas we would really struggle to replace everything we thought we wouldn't have to think about at all.
I know I didn't buy these things myself but they are sentimental also as they were DS's baby things and I just don't really want to give them away and have to hope we get them back.
WIBU to just refuse to give them back?

I think it would be OK to say, do you mind if I keep a couple of the items for sentimental reasons. But give the bulk back.
Although how it worked with my friends and family was things were just passed round in an endless circle, nobody would have dreamed of asking for things back, though it would be expected that you would pass them on.

If I was loaning baby items, I'd make it clear that it was just a loan. I think it's odd to give someone baby items without a word and then demand the baby items back or promise them to someone else.

OP should give them back but at the same time, OP's sister should've been more clear that the baby items were just loans.

I get that it’s a pain OP and she should have had a quick chat with you first but sadly these aren’t your items to make a call on.

I’ve been given second hand items from friends before and once my DC’s have outgrown them I’ve checked if they’d like them back. All of them so far have said no so I’ve asked if donating them to a local baby bank would be suitable and they’ve always agreed this is the best option. On that note, if you are struggling financially to afford items in the future then local communities/church’s will often have a baby bank that you can access for free with no expectation that the item is given back.

Sentimental ? regarding a 2nd hand cot etc.

Buy new then you can afford to be sentimental.

Make sure everything is clean etc. and give it back.

IF you do decide to have another baby in the future, then you may be offered the items again. If you choose to accept 3rd hand by then it's up to you, or you can choose to buy 2nd hand or you can choose to buy new.

This!

I'm yet to come across anyone in RL that passes baby stuff about for 3rd and 4th uses, everyone I know buys a new pram et

They’re not yours, mate.

If they gifted it, I don’t see how they can ask for a gift back
if they loaned it, you’d be stealing if you kept them

YAB wildly unreasonable, how can you not see that. They are her things. Give them back. If you have another, either see if you can borrow again or get your own second hand on FB. If you wanted to be sentimental you should have got your own stuff.

As your have seem to have worked out OP that you are being quite unreasonable, I am not going to bash you further except to say that one of your arguments in your OP is 'cost'.. that your Dsis SIL appears far better off than you and that these things have saved you a lot of money ..

I can only add one bit of advice.

A second child is going to cost you a whole lot more than a few baby bits .

A gift is a gift. If sister did not tell you it was a loan, you have every right to keep them.

@Noonesawme - Would you honestly like to use something that has been used by your sister, then you, then your SiL and back to you???
All that wear and tear on whatever it happens to be can't be good for the product. Even clothes have an expected shelf life before they start looking old and worn.

Why didn't you put a couple of pounds away a week/a month, call it a "Rainy Day fund" or whatever throughout your pregnancy and the early months of your child's life and could be used to buy a new cot/changing table/buggy/whatever if you have more babies?

I'm really surprised that you would actually want items like a changing mat or changing table back (probably has been disassembled and reassembled a number of times) or a cot or buggy (where the baby may have wet through/gotten sick/whatever on the seat and where the cover would be old and worn).

Sorry but if you gift something to someone you don’t get to take it back to gift it to Someone else unless that was the agreement in the first place.

In this situation she should give it back to maintain peace and plan to buy her own stuff if she decides to have another baby.

Her sister means well but it’s wrong UNLESS that was the agreement in the first place. It should be OPs decision to gift them to someone else having a baby if they don’t need it anymore not her sister.

Unless she said "loan" or mentioned the return of stuff it would be unreasonable to expect the recipient to think it was anything other than a gift. Whipping it back so you can look generous is gauche in the extreme.

My DD’s SIL had two children, with the second born 3 months before my granddaughter ( same build, same season ) and my DD has been the happy recipient of a stream of lovely clothes and items. The SIL has clarified from the start which bags are ‘ they are yours to do with as you please after’ and ‘ I’d like them back after you have finished with them’ . The SIL has so much more storage space than my DD so she was happy to return the latter quite quickly.

My DD is now expecting her second and, if the things she returned aren’t available to borrow again the second time around, it has been a good learning experience about what works for her and what doesn’t, without unnecessary expenditure.

Where in the post did she said she was loaned not gifted?

How have you reached that conclusion because her exact words were “gave” yet you tell her off claiming it was “loaned”

It is mot her stuff.

You didn't buy them yourself and want them to sit there gathering dust (and possibly never used) when someone else needs them soon and said they will give them back when they no longer need them?

You can't possibly be emotionally attached to a changing table and surely you could do something useful with the space it takes up, even folded.

Have a word with yourself.

Offer to have them back and store them as soon as they are outgrown?

This. I'm sorry but if you can't afford what you need for a baby you're better off saving money until you can not relaying on other people's things. Your post is comes across pretty embarrassingly entitled to be honest.

I can’t believe someone would accept 100s of pounds worth of free baby clothes and equipment and assume they get to keep them forever without asking if that’s the case.

They haven’t been “demanded”. OP has this stuff in storage. You make it sound like clothes are being ripped off a babies back 😂

I’m sure she would let you keep one or two particularly sentimental bits. You don’t need the whole lot.

It sounds like your sister gave it as a loan and you thought it was a gift. I can understand why you were a bit miffed in that case, but I think the fault lies with both of you for not being clear.

Some baby things are used for such a short amount of time that it's really wasteful if everyone bought brand new, as a PP suggested.

EBay, marketplace. You can buy lots of second hand baby stuff to store in the loft on there.

Sums it up well. Just give the stuff back.