I want to be called Nonna but….

[Moira1951]

I’ve been told Nonna is unacceptable by my son as they want my first ever grandchild (at 73) to call me granny. I don’t want to be called granny, do I have a choice as to what I’d like to be known as?

As you have no Italian connections it sounds utterly pretentious and ridiculous to me!

Fixed that for you. You're welcome.

I gave my mum the option of nana (what I call my nan) or nanny, she chooses to be called nanny which suits me fine 🙂. My kids call my nan granny as i feel it suits her better coz she's older lol

I’d just talk to the parents about it, you’ll probably have a normal family discussion. Nonna is odd unless you’re Italian though. They also have a big say, imho.

You've earned the right not to be named/nicknamed by someone else at this point in your life. Think the demand is offensive, to be brutally frank.

I would be gently pushing back against "Granny" myself. I think Nonna is lovely.

surely its up to you?
my dm chose what she wanted my dc to call her

Would never tell my parents what they had to be called.
It’s up to them what my child calls them, no matter what they choose.

i don’t see why your son cares what you are called. It’s your name. In my experience though kids often make up their own names for grandparents. I have friends who are known as Gu (short for Mamgu) and Gah(short for Gareth 😂🤷🏼‍♀️). Mopey and Popsy, Nanno and Daddo, Naini and Taidi, Mam and Dat, etc etc all from what the kids have called them. My grandparents were Ma and Dacky because that’s as close as my brother could get when he was little to Mamgu and Dadcu and it just stuck! Even my friends called them Ma and Dacky!

The focus should be on the grandchild, not whether your called grandma/nana etc.
If it's really that important to you then just tell them or wait until the child is old enough and tell the child.

I asked my parents what they wanted to be called. I do think grandparents should have some say in this however I can understand why your son has pushed back on it as it does seem strange to me to use it without an Italian connection.

@beautifulbrothers I had a Di & my DC have 2 - not something I ever hear outside of my small hometown mining village!

@Moira1951 I'm Òma to DGS, no heritage to the country/language but I didn't want to be any version of gran/granny/grandma & I hate the sound of nana & nanny (although DS has a nanny) but DD was well aware of my feelings & was happy to discuss options for my name. Some she vetoed straight away & others she thought about then said no she didn't like them, until we agreed on Òma - this is how DD & SIL refer to me when talking to DGS & how wider family & friends refer to me so he's picking it up (he's only 18 months).

When people refer to me as granny I simply say "Oh, I'm not granny, I'm Òma".

No idea why everyone gets their knickers in a twist about what someone's grandchild calls them & I definitely think grandparents should at least be consulted as you'll be the one lumbered with it until the day you die.

YABU because you are not Italian. Your DS probably doesn’t want the child to call you that because you are not Italian. It would be weird to call you that. However, the name used will only be an indication the child will end up calling you what they want to or can do.

I find it odd you would pick Nonna with no Italian connections. Also, if you were to do any form of childcare in the future/picks up from school etc, you might be forever having other parents/grandparents asking you why they call you that.

Just go with the flow of what they would like and look forward to you new grandchild.

I totally get it if you're Italian but otherwise I agree with other posters - seems a bit pretentious (and a bit ridiculous).

The parents will refer to you as whatever name they choose but LO will make their own mind up as they get older anyway on what they want to call you.

Compromise and choose nanna!

If we flip it, why are they so bothered about what you are called?

We asked all the grandparents what they wanted to be called. Makes sense to me the adult being called the name, gets to choose.

I had 2 Nana's (one passed before I was born but they were both Nanna) I was always so jealous of people who had a "grandma" simply because I never had one. I felt like it was something different when I was young. I always hoped my son might have a nanna and a Grandma but alas, my husband and I are both youngest children and my son's grandparents were already grandparents and they were both Nanna... Just works like that sometimes. My MIL happily goes by Nan to make it a bit different for him but honestly, I feel like that's up to them. Like my name is Sara-Jane and I like to be called SJ. I feel like this is the same thing... Why should you be called something you don't like by anyone?

I’m nanny to my grandchildren - didn’t want to be called grandma but I think you’ll find your grandchild will pick their own name for you - mine called me nanny ooffa because I have dogs!

This thread sent me down a little warren of alternative names for Grandma and I'm calling it. When my time comes, I'm bagsying Gigi.

Wondered how long it would take on this thread for someone to bring this up 🙄.

It’s not ok to try to control how other people are addressed against their wishes , whether they are your MIL or a trans person. Hope that helps.

Why did you feel you have the right to dictate to her? What if she didn’t like Nana or Nanny and really wanted to be grandma or another different option?

In my view you should have a choice. It's your name. Doesn't seem right for them to say "you will be called X". But maybe they really don't like the Nonna idea. So maybe try and open up some discussion on some possibilities to find alternatives you both like. Nonna is pretty close to Nanna which is quite conventional and maybe they'd prefer that if you don't mind it too much?

You do sound a bit weirdly anti-"Granny". Which is quite an innocuous and generally positive term. Is it because you find it aging? I prefer the simplicity of Gran or Nan over most of the others versions and don't find them aging. Also I like that they don't sound too much like baby words. I hated baby versions of things when I was a child as I really hated being talked down to! Gran and Nan would last well into adulthood. Some of the baby names can feel embarrassing when you're a teen and others are still insisting upon you using them.

And DH can be Pawpaw because that makes me laugh even more.

Controlling seems a bit strong. Did he have a Granny growing up? Is there another grandmother in the scene? Perhaps DIL’s mum wants to be Nanna or Grandma?
Compromise with Gran. The kid will pick anyway.

If you are Italian then fine

Parents get to name their child; I don’t think that they get to say what someone else is known as. As a secondary school teacher I have to call children by their ‘preferred name’. That seems polite. Why shouldn’t the same apply to grandparents (unless they choose something very silly or offensive)?
Nevertheless, embrace whatever the child calls you with a good grace.