Not using someone’s shortened name

[ChilliPB]

My DH’s name is one that had a well known/obvious shortened version - similar to Nick for Nicholas or Sam for Samuel. He never, ever uses his full name. Neither does the vast majority of his friends, family etc. He would introduce himself using his shortened name to anyone new.
Fairly lighthearted but I find it really weird that both his parents use his full name, plus a few friends. Isn’t it a bit rude to insist on using someone’s full name when it’s not their preferred name? If you are someone that does this - why?!

Does he find it rude?

If not, no problem.

My brother is <long name> to his family, but <nickname> to his friends. He actually doesn't like us using the nickname.

I guess when you’ve spent five years or calling your child a name it’s a hard habit to break. My in-laws do it, and I have never thought it rude.

I have always, always used the long form of my brother's name. Everyone else calls him the short form, but I just...can't. No idea why, it's a bit like the short form just doesn't suit him?

He's never complained and nobody has ever asked why I do it.

I worked with a Christopher who called himself Christopher. But 99% of people called him Chris. So I'd say your DH is doing pretty well with his preferred name. Unless he's said to them 'I'd rather you called me Chris' and they're ignoring that. I'd give the parents a pass though.

He finds it rude/weird. I think especially with his parents, they know he doesn’t like his full name. But they use it anyway!

It’s just a bit strange/oblivious - if someone always used a nickname/shortened version of a name in messages etc I think I’d twig on and follow their lead - use the name for them that they use themselves.

My mum and Stepdad do this with me

It doesn't really bother me. In fact, I think if they suddenly started using my shortened name that everyone else calls me, I'd find it weird.

I've just always been "long name" to my mum and, by extension, her husband who first met me as a child.

A friend of mine once shouted at me and said I was trying to belittle him by using his full name all the time - we were early 20s in a pub at the time - I was mortified! We've known each other since nursery and I'd always called him his long form name because that's what his name was. I had no idea that he preferred it shortened, I guess I missed the memo as we went to different secondary schools. Well I never did it again, but you only know how the person wants to be addressed if they tell you - I'd imagine no one is trying to be rude. I certainly wasn't.

Depends on the relationship.

The only person who uses my full name is / was my mother and late father and grandparents.

It would feel odd if anybody else did it, but similarly odd if my mother called me by the shortened version that my siblings and friends use!

This happens to my DH too. His shortened name is the name he uses all the time (eg it was on our wedding invites) as well as being the name he uses professionally, has in his emails too. I find it odd that you'd give a child a name that is almost always shortened but then never use the shortening when they do. But my DH doesn't care really.

I think it’s pretty normal for parents to keep calling their child the name they’re always used, and unless the child specifically says “please use shortened version x” they’ll just keep doing what they always do. My DH family all call him by his longer name and everyone else by his short one. He doesn’t mind in the slightest, it’s quite endearing. If your DH does mind he should start telling them. It may take a while to change lifelong habits.

My husband had this.

He simply ignored the long name. Uses the short one.

They came around soon enough

My inlaws both referred to my DH by his full name, rather than the shortened version that most people used. He was never bothered by it so it wasn't an issue. I suppose if you've always called your child by the name you chose for him/her, unless the person minds, why shouldn't they carry on? When my inlaws said Robert instead of Bob (eg) it was like their pet name for their child.

Bottom line is whether the person minds or not, and whether the name use is intended to annoy or not. I have a friend whose BIL calls him by the long name version (eg Nicholas) rather than the shortened (eg Nick), where they both share the same name. The BIL does it because he's an arse, not because friend wants to be called Nicholas rather than Nick (they both prefer Nick).

My DD1 uses a shortened version of her name and I never use it. It seems weird calling her it. Thankfully she is fine with me and DH calling her the full version. DD 2 always uses a shortened version of her name and strangely I have no issue using hers. 🤷‍♀️

I go by a nickname that is not actually a recognised shortened version of my full name (there a is one). I use it everywhere including work, but my mum still uses my full name because that's how she thinks of me and that's fine by me, she's my mum. I think Dad still uses my full name if he needs to refer to me when talking to someone else, but if he's talking to me he just calls me "love" which is rather sweet I think.

My MIL does this to all three of her children and a few of the grandkids - she just does not do shortened names. I don't think any of them mind, I don't see wht they would really! One of her quirks.

My brother decided to use a shortened form of his name when he went to uni. My parents and I still called him by his full name as that was what he'd always been, and the short form was what my grandad used - my mum in particular didn't like name shortening anyway.

I think a lot of parents pick a name for their child knowing that there are common shortenings for the name that schoolmates etc. might use, but that they don't particularly like themselves. Isabelle and Izzy for example.

My mum has a name like this and her parents never shortened her name. I asked why and they said they didn't like the short name and they called her the longer version.

My mum used to do this with me. She hated the common shortening of my name, and it was completely forbidden, throughout my childhood. To be honest, I didn’t even dream of questioning this, or of thinking I might have the right to choose the name I wanted to be known by.

When I started nurse training, there was another girl in my set with the same first name as me, except that she was normally known by the common shortened name, so she kept that, and I kept the full name, so people could tell which one of us was being referred to, but when I left nursing after 6 years, and went to university, I decided that I wanted a fresh start, and a ‘new’ name was part of that, so I’ve been called the shortened version ever since.

I eventually got up the nerve to ask mum to call me the shortened version, and she was not happy - though she said she would ‘try’. She managed to use it sometimes, but it never felt as if it was natural for her. She passed away last spring, and I am pretty sure she thought of me by my full name right up to the end!

Looking back, it does seem as if she thought my name was her decision, and I had no ownership of it, but I cannot explain why.

I'm in this situation but the opposite way around, think Michaela being shortened to Kay, Annabelle being shorted to Bella. I hate the shortened version, never in my life have I introduced myself to anyone as it. But my parents, family and long term friends who know my parents all call me it.

The last thing I would think is that it's rude. I just accept that that's what my parents called me and shortened to from a baby. Just because I don't like it and choose not to use that name, I still understand that it's literally what they all know me as. There's nothing rude about it.

I know a few parents of adult children like this. I think they think because they chose the name they have the right to use it. It does smack of self importance and not seeing your adult children as people in their own right.

We always have called youngest DS his full name. His older brother's name is always shortened. No back story, just the way it is.

All his mates call him shortened name. Like others said if we did it now it'd be weird.

I have a commonly shortened name and have always been known by the short version, my mum calls me the full version, that's fine, it's my name. Spending your whole life getting jipped over what your parents call you must be fucking exhausting

This has just reminded me, DD3 has about five different names. Her 'full' name (which only authority uses), her 'short name', which I use and her brothers and sister use to talk about her, a short-short name which they use to talk to her, and another nickname from her initials that her old friends call her. There is also a 'pet' name, that I sometimes use for her.

When I started work my workmates didn't realise that 'full name' and 'short name' were the same person, and thought I had an extra daughter tucked away and hardly ever mentioned!

I have a long name and the only people who use it are my DHS brother and sister even after 40 odd years together and me always signing the short version on cards and gifts. Makes me feel like I've done something wrong.
I have a Michael and I nearly always call him that, his workmates all call him Mike but some people call him Mikey which i detest makes him sound about 5. He doesn't mind what he's called.