Not using someone’s shortened name

[ChilliPB]

My DH’s name is one that had a well known/obvious shortened version - similar to Nick for Nicholas or Sam for Samuel. He never, ever uses his full name. Neither does the vast majority of his friends, family etc. He would introduce himself using his shortened name to anyone new.
Fairly lighthearted but I find it really weird that both his parents use his full name, plus a few friends. Isn’t it a bit rude to insist on using someone’s full name when it’s not their preferred name? If you are someone that does this - why?!

My parents were exactly like this with my sister and my mother still does it (my father is no longer with us, but he always did it too).

They expended endless and needless energy over a good 20 years trying to insist to my sister that her full name in its long form was her only name, even embarrassing her in front of her friends when we were teenagers by publicly correcting them (cringe). It didn't work. She is in her fifties now and always uses the shortened versions. Only my mother now calls her by the long form.

They (my parents) were the same with all of their 6 grandchildren - the only ones who ever referred to them all by the long forms of their names. Ironically, both of my parents have always been known by shortened versions of their own names, so a double standard there as apparently nobody else is allowed to be.

The parents I totally understand - they chose the name for him because they liked it, and clearly still do. He should accept this with good grace. For anyone else, of course he can shorten it.

DH is Rich to all is friends, and to me when we first met. Richard to his family, who he's really close to. He asked me to start calling him Richard when we became serious - it was like I'd become "family". Quite sweet really.

Otoh my friends MIL is so obsessed with the long form of names that she'll invent them e.g. she was once introduced to a Jo and later enquired how "Josephine" was. We had no idea who she was talking about! Jo is actually Joanna...

I think it's rude. You should call people by the name they wish to be known by unless offensive.

I had a manager shorten my name to my initial only. She was a dickhead in many ways.

I’ve recently reconnected with a girl from primary school who was Georgina but reinvented herself as George at uni in the 1990s. I find it hard to call her George but obviously make the effort.

Remember Jim MacDonald in Corrie who used to lengthen everyone’s names - Kenneth, Michael, Elizabeth etc.

I changed mine legally to the shortened version but I have relatives who still insist on calling me the long one. They are quite distant but very disrespectful. My name isn't X, it's Y. They think they are clever calling me the long one. As if that makes them 'more' family when actually they are quite random people who I try not to have much to do with. If they speak with my nanna she will refer to me as Y, so it's not as if the distance makes them forget

This is similar to my dad. When his parents (my gran and grandad) were alive, they were the ONLY people ever who called him the full version, eg Peter, when he was Pete to absolutely everyone else. I figured they chose the name so fair enough! 😃

Now they’ve both died I can’t remember the last time I heard my dad referred to as “Peter”.

I have one of these names. My Mum chose it because she doesn't like shortened names and thought it was unshortenable (quite how she came to that conclusion I have no idea!) I have no problem with her calling me my full name. She chose it so almost her right I guess ! I think I would feel weird if she started calling me my shortened name.
I am also my full name at work and have absolutely no issue with it in a professional environment.
To friends, I am the shortened version. Some of them don't actually know my proper name … apart from one friend who insists on calling me my full name, and it royally pees me off. It almost makes me feel as if she doesn't see me as a friend.

I am from another country ( just before I get slated, have lived in UK for 18 years)
We don't very often shorten names.
I hope people don't get upset if I sometimes forget to shorten names.
I also prefer my very long 1st name not to be shortened.
We have liv's, Em's, etc at work and sometimes I forget and use full name.
But also in my home country I'd be known as Dr.....surname.
Here I am just birchtree by clients and colleagues and very happy with that.
It does feel more personal and I appreciate it

they are his parents they gave him that name, why would they not use it 😂😂😂😂

I refer to myself by a shortened version of my name. My sister always calls me by the long version and it really pisses me off !
Absolutely no one else does apart from her and my parents never did.

My DM calls my adult DSs by their full names rather than the diminutives that everyone else uses. When she it does it it reminds me of how much I like their names!

I forgot to say, we, as parents, were in a similar position. We chose to give ds1 the same first name as his grandfather (my FIL). FIL’s name is always shortened, but it’s not a nickname I particularly like, so we chose to have ds1 known by the full name - but as he got older, ds1 started using the shortened version.

But I knew it was his name and his choice, so even though I prefer the full name, I call him by the shortened version he prefers.

I've a long name that I prefer the shortened version of. The only time anyone calls me my full name is my Mum if I'm in trouble with her. Anyone else calls me it I worry 🤣

I actually sort of get you - but only if it bothers him. I have a name that can be shortened and people have shortened the short version which I hate. I also hate when people pronounce it incorrectly. I have corrected people in the past and they call me snobby and say it’s their accent or whatever, but it’s my name, I think it’s only respectful for you to use it correctly? I don’t mind if someone calls me my full name or short name, but either way, make the effort to pronounce it properly!

My MIL does this with my husband. And all his extended family do too. Despite him preferring the shorter version and everyone else using it.

Plus they have a version of his name that only they use. Think Niche for Nick (I know this doesn't make sense but it's similar).

I also can't make her use my shortened name that literally everyone calls me by and I prefer. I've asked her to and she feigned surprise that people use it and then proceeded to never use it!

It's trying at times. (I also think she likes the fact that he has a special family name that I don't use - she likes to remind me she has known him for longer than me but that's part of a bigger problem!)

I think it is nice when parents or close friends have their own name for you (unless asked not to).

Also i know someone who was known as a nickname eg Chris when we were at school together. Now we have met again as adults through our childrens hobby and he is known as Christopher. I call him Christopher 99% of the time but it is a conscious effort every time as to me he is Chris. I can imagine it would be a lot harder/forced for yout dh's parents.

I think parents are one thing (my grandparents have always called their children only by the full names), but for friends and peers, it's more unusual. I never assume a shorter version is used or preferred, I will ask or go by what people introduce themselves as.

I worked with someone younger than me with the same name as my dad and only went by the full version as his preference and another who went by an unusual spelling of a common shortened name so that they weren't confused with others in the same field.

My parents deliberately chose names that couldn't be shortened.

I think people get way too hung up on names / what people call them. It's a bit indulgent and naval gazing if you ask me, to have strong feelings about whether someone calls you Nick / Nicky / Nicholas.

My parents always called me by my long name, though nobody else, even my siblings, did. If I moaned, they’d tell me they’d named me that because they liked it, and I should learn to like it too. I gave up in the end - it wasn’t a battle I was going to win.

Until… from day my mum died, my dad started calling me the shortened version, and later admitted he’d always hated my name!

when I was at school I was friends with a girl who had the same first name as me, and we both went by the shortened version of that name. I had never been called anything else except the short version by my parents and neither had she.

Her mother insisted on calling me by the long version, as it was 'confusing' and her DD was slightly older so she 'had the name first'. 

I thought it was bloody rude at the time, but put up with it because I was only 12 and also the mother was a bit bonkers.
The name is Kate/ Katherine so quite different really.

I have a long name that can be easily shortened. As a child I was always known as my long name, then in my teens friends started to shorten it ..............teachers and family always used my full name. For the last 25 years most people have called me the short version, my dh has only known me as short name!

I suppose if you've always called your child by the name you chose for him/her,why shouldn't they carry on?
I deliberately chose names for my DC that could have a variety of shortenings/nicknames, I hoped that would give them options as they grew. I have a similar type name, think Jemima = jem, jemmi,mimi etc. and love having options. This has worked well with DC as well. Eldest for example is full name to me/DH, first syllable to school/uni friends, first two syllables professionally.
I believe that parents are perfectly ok to continue using the offspring's given name without being seen as weird and difficult.

My parents always call me by the long version of my name, which is the name they chose and christened me with. Some others call me by the long version, some by the short version, I don't mind either way.
If I'm asked which I prefer, I say I don't mind, because I genuinely don't.
My parents in law always called my DH by his given long name, but he prefers the shortened version, which he always introduces himself with.
My kids always get called by the long version of their names, except by their friends, although one of the names can't be shortened as it's only got four letters and one vowel.