Not using someone’s shortened name

[ChilliPB]

My DH’s name is one that had a well known/obvious shortened version - similar to Nick for Nicholas or Sam for Samuel. He never, ever uses his full name. Neither does the vast majority of his friends, family etc. He would introduce himself using his shortened name to anyone new.
Fairly lighthearted but I find it really weird that both his parents use his full name, plus a few friends. Isn’t it a bit rude to insist on using someone’s full name when it’s not their preferred name? If you are someone that does this - why?!

I had a boyfriend many years ago called Alex. Everyone called him Al but I liked to call him Alex. I guess it made me feel a bit special to have a different name for him?! At least I didn't go for the full Alexander!

I chose DS's name because I love it. He was also partially named after a relative. When I hear him abreviated, particularly with surname, I wonder why people are talking about his grandfather for a moment because that's the form that he was always known by.
I do have a pet name for him that plays off his name, but I simply don't call him by the obvious short form.

Other people are free to use other forms of his name, although it did annoy me when DS was younger that school ignored "known as: full name" and shortened it themselves. By the time that emerged, the habit had stuck with too many people.

I do know someone called Harry, everyone calls him Harry, this is his name on LinkedIn, Facebook, his email address, everything “public facing”.
But occasionally I’ve met him when his parents are there and they call him Henry.

I do know that Harry is a nickname for Henry but at this point they feel like such different names, it seems weird! He doesn’t seem to mind though - parents do far weirder things!

I hate shortened versions of names. Hate them with an irrational passion. I have a name with many versions and I just want to scream when people try to shorten it. I realize that my extreme stance on this is bizarre, but I can’t help how strongly I feel.

I intentionally gave my own child a name that could not be shortened. We did not consider any names that had alternative versions.

I always call people by their preferred name. Even though I am irrational and think they are ridiculous for not using their legal name, I still use their preferred name.

Has he actually told them he finds it rude/weird? Or is he just vaguely agreeing with you to keep you happy since you seem to feel strongly about this?

Why should his parents "twig"? Surely family/parents of all people are the most likely to call you a different name from everyone else.

Also, some family members call me a childhood version of my name which I don't love, find it weird, but definitely not something to get upset or offended over

The Muel and Mr S 🤣

He ignored his actual name? That's a bit weird.

Not exactly. He ignored a version of his name he doesn't like being called by despite telling people eleven billion times he doesn't like it.

I'm be tempted to reply 'Did you want me Cuntychops?' 😂

I only knew my uncle as uncle X (affectionate family name, after my great uncle). Turns out that literally EVERYONE ELSE calls him Y (his actual first name). I'm nearly 50, the last of the family to call him X but I just can't call him by his actual name. We even mentioned this in my mum's eulogy, strange.

Same in my family! They object if we use the short name as we’ve always used the long name.

If he hates his own name that much he should change it by deed poll!

It can be very hard to get out of calling someone a name that was lovingly chosen and that they've been know as by relatives since birth.

One of my siblings was always known as "Corin", their full Christian name, until they were 30+

They moved to another country where their spouse came from, overnight developed a completely different accent and everyone over there started calling them Corrie because the inlaws didn't like Corin. But in their dialect it sounds like Curry.

Curry/Corrie also has a complete different personality to the person we grew up with - it's like they emigrated, changed their name, social class, personality and adopted this new persona. I was only little at the time and it was a really uncanny valley moment when my sibling came home, acting strangely with a fake accent and new name and we were all saying, "why are you being like this? Are you going to drop it and be normal now?" It really seemed like a weird act and everyone assumed it was a joke.

Old school friends who meet them now after not seeing them for decades look really uncomfortable as if they are thinking the same thing (and still call them Corin). At a recent funeral our cousins approached us afterwards and asked if it was a genuine accent/personality or if they were taking the piss. It really is bizzarre.

We already have a Corrie in the family of the opposite sex and previous generation.
It's been very hard to get out of the way of calling my sibling Corin, because that's their name and had been their name for 30+ years and we already have a well known and loved character of a Corrie in the family. Their kids and spouse obviously find it weird that everyone on our side of the family still calls them Corin instead of Corrie(Curry) but we find it equally weird that the in laws decided to rename our sibling/parents' child. Our parents were actually quite hurt at the time. There was a lot of thought that went into Corin's name and they were named after someone special that saved our mother and Corin's lives during a challenging pregnancy and a difficult birth.

And my sibling doesn't seem to mind that we still call them Corin, it's more their spouse/in laws and kids that look at us weird. If my sibling did kick up a fuss or pass comment, they'd be given a very short shrift. They've called me a detested shortening of my name for the past 40 years that no one else uses and they know I can't stand. At least we call them by their ACTUAL name.

Nope

No one is allowed to chose their own name...

#sarcasm

In my experience of parents' evenings, this is very common. Lots of parents sit down and ask you about Alexander, Michael, Christopher when you know them as Alex, Mike and Chris.

I used to have a friend who I always called by her full name (Rebecca) then found out later that I was literally the only person who did. Even her parents called her Becky and everyone else called her a mixture of Bec, Becca and Bex. She said she didn't mind what I called her but all the options seemed like such different names, after that I could then never settle on one!

I purposefully gave my DCs that could be shortened, because where I'm from people shorten/lengthen their friends names (this is probably true of most towns in the UK) They each have several options (e.g Samantha, Sammy and Sam)
None of them are precious about which they are called. But then we are all of an easy going nature. It's a bit uptight trying to dictate what version of your name people use. If your name is Robert, you just accept that you are also Bobby and Bob.

It’s usually family that use the long versions. I know both my Uncles as William and Robert but everyone including their wives call them Billy and Bob. My dad’s name also sounded strange when my uncle used the full version. I ad a friend growing up we all called Kenny but his family including my boyfriend, who was his cousin, called him Kenneth.

I think that, for many people, their name is a central part of their identity, @2under4 - it certainly is, for me - and that is why I dislike it when someone refuses to call me the name I prefer.

No-one is saying you have to feel the same, but it is disrespectful to refuse to use the name that a person prefers - and objecting to disrespect is neither indulgent nor naval-gazing, in my opinion.

@blushroses6 - do you insist on calling someone by their full name if they tell you clearly that they do not want to be called that, and would prefer a shortened version? Why would you tell someone that you know better than them what their name is?

Family can be weird with names.

I changed the stupid name my parents gave me at 14 when I moved school (I lived with my grandparents from 7 due to abuse) and legally the moment I could. I’m late forties now so I’ve been known by my new name (which was my middle name) for longer now than I was my original name.

My Aunt still refers to me by my old name. Even though I’ve actually walked away from a relationship with her over it she has never, and will never, accept I am anything v other than the name I was christened with.

My parents and my oldest friend from when we were toddlers calls me by my full name, everyone else uses my preferred shortened name. It’s just the way it is. They can’t bring themselves to use my nickname!

His parents are the people who gave him his name. It's bit like you insisting that your name is Sandra when your parents called you Lucy.

I only use DH’s long name when he’s done something catastrophically wrong.

Then he knows he’s really fucked up lol.

After introductions on a new job, he’s always only known by the shortened version.

I have a pretty short first name, even so most people (and DH) use either a shortened version, and my family use a contraction of my middle name. Except my (twin) sister, who calls me Egg Split or just Split. DH is Brother Split to her (as is her partner, likewise Brother (nickname) Split to me).

I cannot stand being called by my full name, my mum used to use my full name if I’d been naughty. I had IT change my name on my email address and teams as no matter how many times I introduced myself as “Liz”, people would still reply to me as “Elizabeth”. I actually prefer the “Lizzie” version which is what my dad called me but as neither parent is here now, I’m just Liz add would feel odd asking people to start calling me Lizzie. I suppose it’s understandable that parents keep using the version they chose though.

I increasing come across names that’s mean something in my 1st language. It’s weird addressing someone as ‘fish’ or ‘porridge’, or even worse something rude. I find I hear more and more nicknames I struggle with!

I have this sometimes, I have always been the short version of my name, say it's Elizabeth but I've always been Beth even to my parents. I even introduce myself by Beth and sign off letters with it. Yet every now and then someone will say is is short for Elizabeth and then start using Elizabeth. I have no idea why, it doesn't feel like my name because I've never used it... Very weird. Usually I just say, oh am I in trouble or make a comment about how odd that sounds and they stop. Some people just don't though.

Mind you we call DHs brother one version of his name while everyone else uses the other. So say its Christopher, we've always called him Kit while everyone else uses Chris. I've no idea why, it's how I was introduced to him.

But it’s his name. Your parents choose your name, but as you become old enough to have an opinion, why shouldn’t you have a say in how you want to be addressed?