Not using someone’s shortened name

[ChilliPB]

My DH’s name is one that had a well known/obvious shortened version - similar to Nick for Nicholas or Sam for Samuel. He never, ever uses his full name. Neither does the vast majority of his friends, family etc. He would introduce himself using his shortened name to anyone new.
Fairly lighthearted but I find it really weird that both his parents use his full name, plus a few friends. Isn’t it a bit rude to insist on using someone’s full name when it’s not their preferred name? If you are someone that does this - why?!

Have you had anyone lengthen it yet?
Anne becomes Annie, that sort of thing.
I have found sometimes that when a name cannot be shortened some people lengthen it as a nickname.
People are weird. 😁

I'm a bit of the fence with this one. I have a child with one of these names and have always used his full name. I'm not silly, I know when he starts school he will eventually shorten it (probably) but in my head, the short version isn't his name / sounds odd ( a doctor said it once and I was like they were talking about another person). But, if he really wanted to be know as something else I guess I'd have to really try to use it

Ah, now I did this for my son. People assume he is 'Thomas' instead of 'Tom' not real name but get the gist

I deliberately chose the short version because I didn't like the other options the name could be shortened to.

Maybe he can just tell his parents he doesn't like them calling him it? Although to be fair they chose to give him the full name so should be able to use it, it is his name!

I think this is quite normal of parents to do. Particularly when they chose the name. I know people whose parents have deliberately chosen a name that doesn't have a common/obvious nickname because they want the name they choose to be the one that's used.

Personally it wouldn't bother me. But I go by my long name at work and with certain family friends but all the rest of the time use my nickname. I just need to remind myself of which name I use when signing cards to some people!

I agree that it's rude and you should follow someone else's lead on what they want to be called, even if you are their parents.

We use DD’s full 3-syllable name mostly, as that’s what we named her and have always known her as. Friends and teachers use the 2-syllable abbreviation and occasionally a 1-syllable abbreviation of that. She is happy with all of these. I think the way in which we use people’s names is an interesting feature of our relationships.

We deliberately chose a classic name for DS because we liked the short version, e.g., Ed for Edward (but registered his name as the long version). Family and friends and us have always used the short version, but now he’s an adult I've noticed that he often uses the long version in formal situations. And his GF always refers to him using the full version.

They're his parents . Shortenings and nicknames evolve organically, but clearly for them, he's still Nicholas. I think if anyone gets a pass on this, it's them.

Yes I'd find it very weird for anyone else to call him the long name.

It’s rude when your adult child has asked you specifically

My brother was also always <long name> to immediate family and <short name> to everyone else. It would have felt really strange to me to call him the short name. But, to be fair, he never asked us to switch or told us he didn’t like <long name> so presumably he didn’t mind. I think it would have felt weird to him if I used <short name> too!

I think it's common for parents to stick with the full name, after all they choose it, even if friends and other generations use the short form.

Prince, it is a biggie if he doesn't like it.

That said I loathe (that is probably too strong a word) people who are precious about what they are called. They are invariably hard work.

We thought of that as we were choosing names. Our shortlist only had names that could also not be lengthened easily.

my irrationality on this issue is serious. Thankfully my DH wasn’t hard to convince. We are both saddled with names that come with multiple diminutives and variations.

That said I loathe (that is probably too strong a word) people who are precious about what they are called. They are invariably hard work.

Clearly you weren't saddled with a stupid name, or a name you hate, by your parents. Some of us weren't so lucky.

I have a name that lends itself to teasing. Not dreadful but not great.

Its people with big egos and people who make a fuss who get me down. Far worse than an unfortunate name.

I go by the short version of my name and have done ever since I can remember. My mum uses the short version but my Dad always calls me by the long version. It honestly doesn't bother me in the slightest. I can see why he uses it - it is after all the name they gave me. When growing up I hated the long version because it felt too formal so I opted for the short version but now I actually don't mind the long version but I feel like it's too late now to switch it back.

Try growing up with an utterly stupid name and you'd likely see it different.

Names are important and it's not difficult to call people what they want to be called.

That wasn't quite my point. I understand not wanting to be called an unpleasant name. What I don't really agree with you about is that names are important. I don't think they (usually) are and I think people who think they are are often precious egotists - that is ruder that I mean to be. Perhaps I just think they are difficult fusspots.
I can't stand titles either - from Your Majesty down to plain old Mrs.
I suppose for me, my identity isn't wrapped up in a name. And I don't think anyone's should be.

@Dantedisciple - I see my name as being a central part of my identity - it’s not just a label, it’s a part of who I am. I did find it difficult when my mum refused to use the shortened version of my name that I prefer - I feel that the full name is not who I am now.

When I decided I was going to be known by the shortened version of my name, it was part of a big change in my life, and because that big change was positive (I got a degree, made some life long friends, and met dh), the shortened name is associated with that, in my mind. But the time of my life when I was known by the full name was, in the main, not a happy time - it is the time when I was relentlessly bullied for years, leading to depression and low self esteem - so I don’t think it is unreasonable of me to want to be known by the name that has the happy associations, and not the one with the really unhappy ones. I don’t think that is ‘precious’ or egotistical of me.

I did try to understand where my mum was coming from - but she chose a name she liked, with a shortened version that she really didn’t like, and then expected to be able to make that decision for her adult daughter.

It's great that you have turned your life around. I mean that. I am not being sarcastic.

I do try and call people by their preferred names, but the people who pointedly correct me or others don't half irritate. Just let it go. You are much, much more than your name - at least i hope you are.

Haha

My pate ts are the only people who call me by my actual name. I have to think and go oh yes that's me.

Mum is like I'm not going to stop so she notices others call me by my nickname name. Annoys me a little bit but not enough to make a fuss over

It could be worse. I used to ring a school friend - her dad would answer (I think he had charge of the phone). I used to ask for her by name, then he would call for her by another name. 🤪

He used to do the same when you were there - you have a conversation using one name, and he would turn to her and address her by the other name.

Turned out everyone used her first name, but her father who used her middle name.

His mum and dad chose a name they loved for their child. Unless he specifically asks them to use the shortened version, I'd say they have every right to carry on calling him by his actual name and that this is none of your business.

You may not think names are important, and they may not be important to you, but they are to others.

It far more egotistical to think what is or isn’t important to you should have the same importance, or lack of, to others.