AIBU to think my life is always harder as a parent in this scenario?

[Hankiesk]

I think maybe I am but… here goes…

I parent our 17 month old alone. Ex pays but sees her as and when. Usually it’s for a day or day and night a week, she never goes to his as he just doesn’t have the right stuff for her there. I feel put upon massively, I am stressed on nursery run, dealing with online food orders, trying to clean around work, I never feel I have a moment to myself.

A good friend who I really trust said recently, very delicately, that when I moaned about these things as if it was only me because of being single, that others in the wider friendship group felt they couldn’t share how hard they find things when I’m around. I was surprised by this as I genuinely believe as a couple life with one child is pretty easy? I never consider anyone in a relationship with a child could find it harder than me, I imagine it being plain sailing. AIBU?!

Case in point, I’m sick as a dog but as my DC’s piece of crap father (ex) hasn’t shown up, I have to somehow take to best friend’s birthday. Can barely move yet he’s told me to “find the strength?!?”. So yes it’s harder with that shit going on, but at least he’ll be around at some point to lighten the load. So actually, I’m claiming this as hardest - on your own, no support, with an abusive ex you can’t get out of the picture. Or, an abusive useless person in a couple.
It IS a feminist issue though, as the bar for men is ridiculously low, misogyny is rife and the entire system is patriarchal and skewed against women. Those who have support lovely partners often don’t realise how good they’ve got it. Perhaps that is the underlying issue here. When someone is going through it, it’s not appropriate to moan about the small stuff. Equally, I am always there to listen to my friends no matter what is happening as everything is relative

No not at all, I think we established quite early on that there are other factors that can change things like health issues, relationship issues, financial issues.

Of course no one can say being a single parent is the only issue that can make you're life hard! And trump's everything else. That's almost too obvious to say.

People are arguing that even if all those other things are equal, it's still harder to parent when you're in a healthy relationship, vs doing it on your own.

In general it is harder being alone I would think. I am in a couple with 1 DC, having two sets of hands is great. But when my DH had a heart attack it was difficult to manage parenthood, work, and taking care of DH so I think there are ups and downs to most people's lives over the long haul.

Isn't op just saying its harder being alone than when there are two full parents who are actively doing the parenting and sharing the load. I listen to my friends' issues, many of whom have partners but I do think you have someone to share it with whereas the buck stops with me. Most recently two extremely rich lawyers with two children. The mother is tired on maternity leave because she's carrying one baby plus her shopping. Husband was at work but generally a brilliant dad too. People cooing about how tough it must have been for her.

Secondly another raving about how she managed two nights/morning school run without husband who was away for work.

Of course, having a shit partner is different but when you have someone who is sharing the load, of course its easier

Many people post on here about their useless partners. Raising a child with a dead weight doesn’t make it easy. It’s harder.

You must be a real joy to be around not.

You can’t blame your couple friends because of your poor choice of partner to father your child.

He needs to grow up, little one needs some clothes and somewhere to sleep at his place, doesn’t need anything else so not sure why he can’t look after his child.

No. She said "always harder". She has also followed up that she very much thinks being part of a couple with one child is very easy and straightforward. And in some cases it might be. But not always. People have piled on because of the attitude of her life always being harder.

I think whether you are being unreasonable depends on what it is about you that is making your friends feel like they can’t complain about their lives. If it’s a genuine sensitivity towards your situation, that’s one thing. If it’s your attitude/response when they try to talk about their own situations, that’s another. Maybe do some self-reflection around how you respond. If there’s anything dismissive about the way you respond, then you have your answer.