DH often suppresses a laugh when I'm being serious

[Anonin]

Hello,

Maybe I'm overtired and touchy, but tonight I blew a fuse because DH suppressed a laugh when I tried to show him some martial arts movements that I learned as a kid, and not for the first time either. We've been married for more than a decade, and I've never been able to show him the movements in full, because the few times I did, he always laughed and then said that he suddenly thought of something funny which had nothing to do with me.

A few years back I was also very angry, because I was talking about something serious and personal, and he was suppressing a laugh all the way through, and, when I got angry, he said it wasn't me, he just thought of something funny. This happens times and again too, only sometimes I just let it go, but sometimes I was extremely vexed, depending on my mood.

I find this so childish. He made me feel ridiculous and regret confiding something I cherish with him. I believe him when he said that he wasn't making fun of me, but I'm furious that he cannot control himself to behave like a normal person would when others are being earnest. Particularly when I was talking passionately, this would be a moment that he often thought of "something funny". DH doesn't have friends, was bullied at school, and his siblings are all the same.

DH helped a lot with the baby, so I can't say he's a bad spouse, but tonight I feel so resentful that I almost wanted to book a plane ticket for me and my baby to my dad's place and leave him alone for a while.

AIBU? What would you do in my position?

Such a good post.

People will ignore in favour of poking fun at a woman who is mocked when she tries to talk to her husband about things that are important to her.

Carry on poking fun, people, if you don't care that your racism is showing.

You've said that in addition to this he also made you angry "a few years back". If the last thing he to make you angry was a few years ago I think most people on the planet who are in a relationship would gladly trade places with you.

I don’t agree with you at all. Talking about bagpipes and laughing, not ok. Someone gets the bagpipes out and gives a rendition in their living room, and the other person laughs, highly likely it’s a bit squeaky and comical. Even if you once played to a high standard as a kid.

some things just are funny. My husband is Scottish, if he got the bag pipes out as he used to play as a kid there is every chance I’d laugh.

i very much doubt her husband is a racist. But she can clarify that.

Could it be Henry, the mild mannered janitor? Could be!!

@financialcareerstuff Thanks, excellent example. I couldn't have said it better myself.
Also thanks to others who give reasonable answers. Sorry I can't reply one by one and can only hit the thanks button.

As for the mocking ones, it's very amusing reading them and learning a bit more about our society 😄.

This should have been in your Op.

A white person going to SE Asia to learn martial arts is going to bring up memories of Karate Kid and Kill Bill for people. Entirely different if you’re from the region.

@Ktime Perhaps, but at first I think it's just beside the point, since my post is about DH sniggering often when I talk about or do something I'm passionate about. The martial arts is just an example. That the majority of MN community going bonkers just bc of that example wasn't something I could have predicted 😁, but then we learn something new every day.

Posts like this are explicitly racist. Mocking something you have zero clue about outside of a Carl Douglas song.

Yes Shaolin is kung-fu (or wushu). No its not something to therefore laugh at or be inherently comical. It's a cultural and spiritual tradition with a long history in China and other parts of the world. Important enough to Chinese culture that it was brutally suppressed during the Cultural Revolution.

There are many different schools, ways and traditions relating to different regions and masters. It's very normal to have particular teachings going down families and OP would have to have been very good to be invited to demonstrate at her school in China.

Yes, absolutely this

@Anonin

You're a good sport OP x

You don’t know my ethnicity and are barking up the wrong tree.

Then why take the piss out of OP for engaging with her cultural heritage?

This is definitely a difference in culture. For the majority of us Brits, taking the piss out of each other is how we’ve been brought up. I think that’s why most on this thread would expect any type of public dancing, singing or performing to be met with a laugh.

Unless someone is good enough at something for it to be really impressive, most British people’s first instinct will be to mock…

Strongly disagree.

I was brought up to encourage and support my loved ones in the things they were passionate about, not mock and belittle them.

In fact, watching my older brother do kata in the hall at home was one of the reasons I took up karate in the first place. It inspired a passion that continues to this day.

I do feel sorry for people who have no such passion in their lives- perhaps that's why they feel the need to try and humiliate those who do.

Totally agree.

Fair enough - I too was brought up in a loving family with a range of passions that we enjoy and encourage and slightly resent the insinuation that just because we enjoy taking the piss a bit we must lead passionless miserable lives!

If I started doing martial arts moves in front of DH he wouldn't suppress a laugh, he'd full on piss himself laughing and I'd get a heavy mocking! We are a couple of piss takers though.

Did you miss the part where she is ethnically Chinese? I agree if she were white it would have these connotations but she isn't.

I'm inclined to agree. It does sound funny. 😂

It's possible that what you were saying did just strike him as funny in some way - could have been the subject, the words you used, the way you described it or basically anything - but he didn't want to hurt your feelings and so pretended that something unrelated had come into his head.

You do sound rather earnest and serious, OP. Some people are, and of course that's okay, but serious/earnest/passionate conversations can lead to a build-up of tension, which can sometimes find a sudden release in giggles.

I did, yes, sorry!

Does everyone here openly mock all other cultural traditions?
What about confession? Through a curtain / door to a priest? Hahaha how ridiculous.
Or reincarnation to a Buddhist, do you just laugh and stamp on insects to be funny.
Or is it only martial arts that's funny? The gap Yr comment was appalling. If you do yoga that's a spiritual meditative process that we've commercialised. That's actual appropriation.

It was me that commented it and you can can see that I asked prior to this if it was culturally significant and if she was part of that culture (which she responded to without this later relevant bit of info)

It is also culturally significant to me, and this is a very unusual way of practicing which meant I assumed from the lack of response that it wasn't from someone familiar with the cultural significance and had plucked it out from its context.

I think people are being a bit precious tbh.

My friend is into yoga, chakras, meditation etc. One day she put a metal bowl on her head and started dinging it.😂 Completely straight-facedly. I found it absolutely hilarious and I think most people would have struggled to suppress a chuckle.

Passing down through families is fairly traditional. Probably more so than paid lessons once a week in the UK. Not that I'm saying you are, you get the general point I mean.