DH often suppresses a laugh when I'm being serious

[Anonin]

Hello,

Maybe I'm overtired and touchy, but tonight I blew a fuse because DH suppressed a laugh when I tried to show him some martial arts movements that I learned as a kid, and not for the first time either. We've been married for more than a decade, and I've never been able to show him the movements in full, because the few times I did, he always laughed and then said that he suddenly thought of something funny which had nothing to do with me.

A few years back I was also very angry, because I was talking about something serious and personal, and he was suppressing a laugh all the way through, and, when I got angry, he said it wasn't me, he just thought of something funny. This happens times and again too, only sometimes I just let it go, but sometimes I was extremely vexed, depending on my mood.

I find this so childish. He made me feel ridiculous and regret confiding something I cherish with him. I believe him when he said that he wasn't making fun of me, but I'm furious that he cannot control himself to behave like a normal person would when others are being earnest. Particularly when I was talking passionately, this would be a moment that he often thought of "something funny". DH doesn't have friends, was bullied at school, and his siblings are all the same.

DH helped a lot with the baby, so I can't say he's a bad spouse, but tonight I feel so resentful that I almost wanted to book a plane ticket for me and my baby to my dad's place and leave him alone for a while.

AIBU? What would you do in my position?

To be serious though OP - if you just keep doing it eventually it will become normalised and he wont find it funny anymore.

I’m really sorry but the fact that you’ve told him how serious it is for you probably just makes it funnnier and harder not to laugh at. He’ll get over it ❤️

Same 🤭 Sorry OP, I would find this hilarious.

Him a suppressing a laugh when you're talking about something personal is a different story. What was the nature of this conversation?

I'm sorry op but you sound very childish lol and I'd laugh at you too

@Potatohigh I don't know how to explain it, but every school is unique, because each master polished the moves differently. I don't feel the need to take classes, because the moves I learned are complete. I might take Shaolin classes, which would have some similar moves, but they are not available where I live. The one my grandpa learnt is a mix of Shaolin and Thai Chi, polished by this particular person he learnt it from. I was okay if he laughed once or twice, but well...

@InAPickle12345 About the topic of my doctoral dissertation that had something to do with the politics in my country.

I’m not sure, honestly most folks seem to be highly amused by the thought of it and would laugh too.

Not sure why he laughed at that, doesn’t sound an amusing subject.

Okay, that's a strange one... not sure how he could find this funny tbh.

But the martial arts, id let that go. I think most people would laugh.

You understand though that this is likely diluted? If your grandad wasn't from that culture, then came home and soley taught your dad, who based on his memory taught you.

I don't mean to be mean but it's a bit like if you were taught a range of dances from someone who's only ever seen them done by one person, who saw it being done years prior

I think it's likely to have become diluted in that. There's nothing wrong with that but it seems like you're placing a huge amount of significance on it.

I'm curious why this is so important to you?

I think we need some diagrams of the martial arts moves for reference?

@janeintheframe Because, as he said, he suddenly thought of something funny. That's why I was vexed, because somehow he always thought of something funny when I was being passionate, whatever the topic is.

Is shaolin , kung fu? Were you pulling fighter poses in the lounge?

I laugh at inappropriate times. It's nerves i think. I have ASD and feel embarrassed and not sure what emotion to show when in a serious situation. I'm getting better now. In my first job I struggled to suppress giggles during a performance meeting with my boss. The worst one was at secondary school . The headmaster came in to tell the class our form teacher had been killed that morning. The rest of the class were weeping and I just could not get my stupid face to act appropriately. It was awful 😞

My partner has tried to show me kickboxing moves he learnt as a child.
The seriousness he requires, plus the facial expressions and overall just the moves he does that I obviously never see him do on the average day.. is enough to crack me up.

The thread wasn't making me laugh until this comment 😭🤣

@Potatohigh Idk if it's diluted, but my point is, why DH can't respect it how ridiculous it may seem if I love it. My granddad and dad are businessmen and scientist, respectively. They didn't do martial arts for a living, but were good enough to be invited to do exhibitions in conventions and such, or became a jury of national competitions. I was pretty good and did exhibitions in my school. I didn't pursue it either, but I feel it's a part of me, and wish to pass it to my son later without being laughed at.

Yes, this too!! In the early days when my husband was being passionate or romantic I would not know how to react so I'd just giggle! Thankfully he put up with my weird ways and we're still together 35 years on!

@stopmefeelingsick I'm sorry to hear that. Great that you can manage it better now!

A part of you?

I'm going to bow out now because I think in your Ernestness your missing lots of the context of how this is practiced. this completely screams of mu grandad had a gap year 60 years ago and we consider ourselves cultural experts 3 generations later despite us all having no connection with anyone else

Just practice with a light heart. Tell him every time he 'thinks of something funny' he has to learn a move. Have fun teaching him. You'll all be practicing in the sunshine by summer.

Maybe he’s just not into it. I know I wouldn’t be and would be bored by it. I’d be more likely to roll my eyes than laugh though. You can’t force him to be interested in something when he clearly isn’t. Especially if he’s on the spectrum which does sound like a possibility.

@Potatohigh I never say I was a cultural expert. I just hope that my DH wouldn't laugh at something I really like and feel it has been a part of my life, (since I've been practicing for many years), however ridiculous and diluted it may seem. Some people have hobbies others might find superficial, and I don't laugh at them. And in case you miss that part in my post, DH did this in many topics, like when I talk about my doctoral dissertation, or presentations, or anything. That's all I have to say.

You’re diagnosing him as autistic as he laughs when his wife cracks out the martial arts of an evening?

Some people laugh in serious situations, they can't help it and being angry and more serious makes the situation worse.

I laughed at a funeral once and had to pretend I was crying.

@janeintheframe all my family are autistic and most struggle with this. My son gurns when he feels awkward and doesn't know how to react to a serious situation. Got him a few detentions at school until they understood him more.