DH often suppresses a laugh when I'm being serious

[Anonin]

Hello,

Maybe I'm overtired and touchy, but tonight I blew a fuse because DH suppressed a laugh when I tried to show him some martial arts movements that I learned as a kid, and not for the first time either. We've been married for more than a decade, and I've never been able to show him the movements in full, because the few times I did, he always laughed and then said that he suddenly thought of something funny which had nothing to do with me.

A few years back I was also very angry, because I was talking about something serious and personal, and he was suppressing a laugh all the way through, and, when I got angry, he said it wasn't me, he just thought of something funny. This happens times and again too, only sometimes I just let it go, but sometimes I was extremely vexed, depending on my mood.

I find this so childish. He made me feel ridiculous and regret confiding something I cherish with him. I believe him when he said that he wasn't making fun of me, but I'm furious that he cannot control himself to behave like a normal person would when others are being earnest. Particularly when I was talking passionately, this would be a moment that he often thought of "something funny". DH doesn't have friends, was bullied at school, and his siblings are all the same.

DH helped a lot with the baby, so I can't say he's a bad spouse, but tonight I feel so resentful that I almost wanted to book a plane ticket for me and my baby to my dad's place and leave him alone for a while.

AIBU? What would you do in my position?

Yanbu OP. My DH is a bit like this, he laughs when I am angry or upset. Seems to be a kind of nervous, unsure thing with him. It makes me so much more angry and upset obviously! However he does now realise how horrible it is and he manages not to do it or to immediately apologise. You need to have a calm conversation about it when you're not in that situation, explaining how you feel when he does it and what you would like to happen instead. Good luck!

Oh FFS…

I say this as a parent of a child with ASD.

Why is everything suggestive of neurodivergence these days?

OP’s DH laughing at something clearly amusing doesn’t make him autistic. I laugh when ANYONE falls over…I’m not autistic I’m a cow who on occasions feels like laughing at the expense of others!

YANBU.

I am biased re the martial arts -20 years of karate training means that I know the value and benefits of it. I'm lucky that no-one around me has ever been dickish enough to laugh at it/me - but then they're intelligent people who understand its importance to me. Keep practising yours.

I think anyone that would laugh at something their loved one feels is important is either emotionally lacking or somewhat unintelligent- only you know which of those categories your H falls into.

Perhaps you could laugh hysterically at something he values?

However ridiculous it may seem, shouldn't he be more serious if I said many times I cherished it? I would if it were him.

This earnestness won't be helping. Going on about cherishing something and how serious it is will only make it harder not to crack up. If it seems ridiculous, it will be amusing, and you imposing solemnity and this great legacy around it just adds to the tension that makes a person get the giggles. You're not a Jedi knight needing to pass on the wisdom to your padwan. Enjoy it by all means but don't involve him or take it quite so seriously. Surely your son will learn it if it's fun, not because there's all this gravitas around it and some duty to his ancestors.

https://www.youtube.com/shorts/8xMPqMqoNKA?feature=share
I would be very impressed, OP!
But seriously, I think you need to talk to your DH at a time when you are both calm and try to get him to understand how important it is that he makes a bit of an effort to show an understanding of what is important to you.

Otherwise, the resentment is just going to grow, and you will end up doing your moves ON him and not just in front of him!
Good luck!

Burst out laughing at that 😂🙌

Your husband sounds a bit dim tbh….

I did too. Then I was cross as I am trying to spread compassion everywhere. Sometimes it is harder than others.

And you deserve to pass it on without being laughed at. The wording of you op does not help you here; just to let you know.

Might it be a nervous thing?

The potential for comedy in doing martial arts moves in your sitting room for your partner aside, it sounds like he doesn't respect you

Hang on...

Your grandpa learnt this martial art and then "taught it to your dad."

Then your dad "taught it" to you.

What does this even mean? Did your grandpa become a master and then teach classes? Because I'm picturing your dad learning some isolated moves from his dad and then teaching you them when you were like 8 years old and you still piss about practicing these random moves today. By yourself. In your room.

What's going on here? I'd piss my pants laughing too.

God bless you OP.

Team husband.

@Anonin
OP, I advice you to join a martial arts club (an appropriate one for the kind of martial art that you want to practise).
There you will be among other people who are interested and skilled in that specific martial art, you will get to practise, and no one will laugh at you.

Good luck!

@Geraldneedsasecondclassstamp If you read the OP posts you'd know the answer to the things you're querying.

Also, you'd know this isn't the only time her husband laughs at her.

Oh ffs. Clearly the 12 year olds and the illiterates are out in force on MN today.

@Anonin , if you want real responses ask MN to delete this thread and then post a new one. Don’t mention the martial arts example. Use the example of him mocking/laughing at your doctoral dissertation and perhaps another one or two examples relating to him mocking you when you try to raise serious topics. You’ll receive MUCH more relevant replies.

Personally I wouldn’t be with someone that had no respect for me. I suspect he doesn’t respect women in general and he will model that lack of respect towards you to your child throughout their childhood.

You sound like you take yourself a bit seriously OP. Maybe he's just the kind who gets the giggles when he's uncomfortable/embarrassed/being spoken to in an overly serious manner?

Maybe he finds your earnest enthusiasm endearing and amusing?

I am picturing Big Mandy from This Country😄.

Go ahead and teach your child OP, then you can both 'martial arts' DH into submission

There was only one non martial arts related example and that was from a few years ago. It is the martial arts moves that OP repeatedly tries to demonstrate and provokes laughing from her DH. She tried again today, then dredges up one non martial art incident from years ago and starts considering walking out with the baby.

Frankly I would be pissing myself laughing if DH wanted me to take him seriously whilst he demonstrated martial art moves from his childhood.

This 😂😂 why not have some actual lessons OP so that you can fully learn the art and practice it regularly with others in a class, rather than the same few random moves in your room?

To me, this would be like if my partner learnt a few scales on the piano as a child and now insisted on randomly playing them all the time in the house, rather than having actual lessons and learning the piano properly. I would find it very odd!

I think you're taking yourself too seriously. And if it upsets you so much why do you keep insisting on showing him knowing he's going to laugh? Honestly my partner got an old instrument down from the loft last week and started playing, he was so serious and I felt so awkward and embarrassed (also it was out of tune and sounded pretty bad) so I did have a giggle!! But we can laugh with each other and at ourselves.

Oh God! I can’t stop laughing at this comment!!

It’s such a big part of your heritage that you just practise a few moves you learnt as a child, alone in your bedroom? Do you feel you’ve mastered this martial art, with nothing further to learn?

Come on, op, you’re being ridiculous. He's no doubt laughing because he feels very awkward watching you do something you’re evidently so incredibly passionate about, but not enough to have pursued it in any way, shape or form since you were a child.