Met up with a male friend

[Saltandvinegarcrispss]

Met up with a male friend/colleague yesterday at his house. He is single, I am not. We are just friends and although my DH has never met him, he's seen our conversations and knows nothing is going on between us. Says he trusts me 100%.

He's unhappy that I went to my friend's house, alone, rather than a public place, like a cafe. 'I trust you but I don't trust him' is the line he used. He gave me a really hard time about it like I'd done something really wrong. If you trust me that much then really it doesn't matter how much you trust him, surely? Because if he tried anything (he won't!) Then I'd just leave and never put myself in that kind of situation again.

I've tried to put myself in his shoes and thought what if he went to a female friend's house and honestly? I trust him so I don't think it would bother me. He meets up with female friends regularly at pubs (but then he only ever meets his male friends at pubs too so for him that's just the norm, whereas I meet all my friends in their homes or mines usually!)

AIBU? Should I only ever meet this friend in public, just because he's a man?

@TedMullins

Thats my point, trust was built over time as both parties were behaving in such a manner that didn’t cause any mistrust / jealousy, it is doable through considerate, thoughtful behaviour and taking the other persons feelings into consideration,

I really think it depends:

1. dh with a female friend who I know he is friends with, tells me he is meeting up with her for coffee, no problem.
2. I find out dh went to a female friends house. I’ve never heard of this friend, he’s never mentioned her and I didn’t know he was meeting up with her, yes I have a real problem with this.

It isn’t just about trusting someone, it’s about whether a spouses actions are transparent or not. Secrecy is always suspicious. In the context of the op, it seems transparent so there should be no issue.

But what other people might think or infer is irrelevant. The relevant bit is whether there is mutual trust between OP and her DH.

There are some very strange responses on here.

My husband has female friends. In fact he went to the flat of a female friend yesterday. It would never have occurred to me that in this day and age people would consider this sort of behaviour "not on".

What next, should I make sure none of his female friends shows an ankle or a wrist?

You either trust each other or you don't. And people who don't trust their partners generally have something to hide themselves.

I’m with you. I trust my husband 1000% and would trust him naked in bed with another woman!

so I get why you did that. I’ve got male friends and have been to their houses alone….the thought of sleeping with them. Yuck. Never could. They’re like my brothers.

Again, the pony was sharing a bed. Would people be ok with that.

Pony?

Sharing a bed is a works away from what the Op is talking about.

People said they never fall asleep at a friends house. Hence the topic of falling asleep.

Not sure what this is relevant.

Nobody but you thought of sexual assault. At any point. Just you.

So if having sex or sexual assault isn't even a consideration why are we even having this discussion?

People having different standards/feelings to you is not strange though.

Going to a male colleague's house who you've known 6 months is strange. Wouldn't you go to a cafe for the first few times you meet outside of work? I do find that overfamiliar and would find that weird if I was with OP - even if it's ok with a long-standing family friend.

@Cerealkiller4U

I’m with you. I trust my husband 1000% and would trust him naked in bed with another woman

So you would trust your husband 1000% to be naked in bed with any woman even a stunningly beautiful woman several years younger than him? ……..

Oh god, just admit you misinterpreted the post.

Nobody else did.

Just you.

Only you.

Even amongst other people who disagree. And even now, it's just you. That should probably tell you something.

Yup

hand on my heart. Swear on my life yes.

@ModernMornings
What are you talking about?
I didn't misinterpret anything.

Going to a male colleague's house who you've known 6 months is strange.

Why is it strange?

"To be honest I told him I was going to see my friend and he was fine with it. It didn't occur to me to tell him exactly where I was actually going because in my mind I don't think it mattered. It was only after I got home he asked 'did you go to his house?' and got annoyed about it!"

Sorry but I don't believe this for one second. If you were going to your female friend's house you would just say I'm off to Sarah's house. You didn't say I'm going to Dave's house because you knew that your DH wouldn't be happy about it but you wanted to go so thought you would feign confusion and deal with the fallout later.

I do agree with your DH on this. Old female uni friends he has had for decades would be absolutely fine. Newish and single colleague? Absolutely not.

The rest of us, we're discussing sharing a bed with a male/female friend. Only you are talking about sexual assault.

I'm done arguing with you, this is a lighthearted thread and your making it weird, so please move along.

I've had a male colleague visit my home when working in the area for a quick tea break. Never even thought it was odd until I read that so many people on here think it's not ok. No weirder than a female colleague visiting I'd say.

@ModernMornings
Who made you the thread police?
You don't get to dictate who contributes.

I'm done arguing with in. What is your problem? Nobody said you can't post, I don't want to engage with someone inserting sexual assault to score points in a simple MN thread.

@ModernMornings then don't reply to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

Easily done..........

Bizarre, take it elsewhere.

@ModernMornings
Again, stop trying to tell people what they can and can't post.
If you don't want to engage with me then stop replying!!

Those are certainly all words.

Going to a male colleague's house who you've known 6 months is strange.

Why is it strange? At what point would it not be strange?

This debate makes me feel so sad. If people feel having a partner means giving up being an independent, sociable and autonomous person then you are welcome to your narrow little lives.

Exactly.
I'm bi-sexual. Where does that leave me? Does that mean I can't spend anytime alone with male or female colleagues?
It could make my job quite difficult as I often travel internationally with colleagues of both sexes.

Funnily enough I've managed to stay faithful to my DH though 🤷🏼‍♀️

@LusaBatoosa

Are you attempting to make a point?