To just accept I’m not going to have a very good relationship with one of my children?

[Notsureaboutitall]

My first child and I had an OK relationship until I had another baby. He loved me until that point and favoured me over and above his dad. Had the second baby and that was it. We’re nearly a year down the line, he still wants his dad and not me, he often doesn’t even acknowledge me when I speak to him, I just really lost my temper with him and I don’t feel great about it but I don’t know what the hell else to do to be honest.

I hate to say it but I’m just so worn down with it and I think I need to just accept he and I don’t really get on. It’s horrible but maybe it’s more common than we think. I know when I was growing up my brother tended to gravitate towards my mum and I to my dad so maybe it’s a thing, I’m not sure.

If you had an okay relationship before the baby then surely this is just down to him feeling rejected or replaced?

How old is he?

Yes, I know that, thanks.

How old is he?

Sounds like you're having a tough time at the minute? I'm sure your child still loves you. How old is he?

If you know the reason why, then do more to fix it? Do more to make him feel like hes loved and wanted ect if what your doing isnt working

Interested in how old he is

I suspect the child is still very young. I honestly wouldn’t worry too much as this is a pretty common situation.

Is he 28? If not there's no reason to accept you don't have a good relationship with him?! Assuming he's a child you need to act on what you 'know' and create a good relationship now, not give up and focus on your newborn.

Age is a big part of the puzzle here. It sounds pretty normal for young children.

Oh come on now. Who is the child in this situation?

Grow up and spend some more time with your eldest.

Oh dear. If you've already decided this it will become a self fulfilling prophecy.

Do you not think that every parent has gone through this?! When a new baby comes along the older sibling has so many emotions. They're little and need help to navigate them.

That's your job.

His age is important. Is your DH/DP supporting your relationship with DS? What’s the relationship between both of the children?

It’s not easy but it’s worth trying to empathise as much as you can with the changes DS has gone through with getting a sibling. He still wants you and needs you I’m sure but he doesn’t feel able to show it/put himself out there.

Have you explicitly said you know what a change it is having a new sibling, that it’s not always easy, that you know he might miss you and it being just the two of you, that you still love him as much and welcome time with him by himself etc?

People are trying to help. No need to be snarky.

His age is obviously key so people can better advise if you share that.

If he's young and it's down to feeling displaced by the new baby then there are things you can do to address that. It doesn't necessarily mean you'll always have a poor relationship.

How old is he

two is tough and parenting has ups and downs but actually a proper relationship comes as they get older

How old is he? In any case - no, I don't think that you get to just accept a poor relationship. You're the only mother he's got and you're the adult. The onus is on you to work at the relationship and do everything you can to rebuild the connection. His long-term mental health depends on it.

He's a child. Your job is to parent, consistently, with loving discipline, not just decide you "don't get along." You don't get to opt out of parenting that way. Some of the most difficult children turn out to be wonderful teens and adults.

How old is he?

You sound quite detached from him to be honest "we had an ok relationship" doesn't sound great to be honest and that was before your second child was born? I don't know anyone who would describe a relationship with their young child as just "ok" so maybe he's picking up on that?

I couldn't just accept that I wasn't going to have a good relationship with one of my dc.
I'd be making damn sure I have a good relationship and doing whatever it takes to make it so.

I imagine he is very young. Far too young to be writing off the relationship because he doesn’t act in a way that you want him too.

If he responds to you how you say he does, you need to work at fixing it. Rather than deciding it’s always going to be poor and deciding the relationship with your second child will be better.

You say your relationship was Ok. Do you mean good, loving etc of just ‘Ok’.

I mean this kindly. But are you ok in yourself?

I think you need some real life help to explore your feelings and state of mind. You really don't want to start believing that your very young child doesn't love you because that gives you 'permission ' to treat him unfavourably. That won't end well.

A bunch of people on a forum will give all sorts of advice - and I'm adding to that - but there will be help closer to home.

Maybe ask your gp or health visitor for a referral so that you can discuss your worries and work on ways to improve things for you.

This is completely normal OP. My DD was a massive daddy's girl and always favoured DH over me - this went on for years. Now she's a teenager we are really close.

It’s your job to help him through this and show him you still love him & want to spend time with him. If you give up, you’ll lose any hope of a relationship with him, which is very sad.

Thank you.

I can’t really put the baby back. I realise that sounds sarcastic and it isn’t actually intended to be. It is simply a statement of fact. We are almost a year down the line and despite my attempts to ‘do something about it’ nothing has really helped. DS just doesn’t really want me any more. I can only assume this is because of the baby.

He is three. I genuinely am lost as to what to do.

Of course I won’t opt out of parenting him. He still gets toys, clothes, I cook for him, I clean him up when there’s an accident, I try to sing songs with him and read with him, I take him to places, I do a lot to be honest. But ultimately he just … doesn’t like me much I suppose.

This is normal but tough. My eldest told me he didn't love me anymore, he only loves Daddy. It was just him feeling rejected because all my time was with the baby (breastfeeding mostly). It will pass. Just make sure you find ways to spend time with him just the two of you. And remind him that you'll always love him and he's important to you.