To worry about my children starving to death in an emergency?

[Mnk711]

I have long been worried about what will happen to my toddler and baby if something happened to me at home e.g. a fall, a stroke etc. My DP works away a lot for long periods so we are often home alone, have no close neighbours, and no routines etc that anyone would notice us missing from. There's a good chance if I were to be incapacitated no one would come and help my children. The recent case in the news about a two year old starving to death has brought all my fears up again. AIBU to worry about this? Does anyone have any good suggestions of how to deal with this risk e.g. apps, technology, arrangements with others...?

I keep some food in low cupboards that my children can access in an emergency - boxes of cereal, jars of peanut butter. There are cups they can reach and a step stool by the sink so they can get their own water.

When eldest was about 3 i started teaching him that if mummy ever fell down and he was struggling to wake me, he is allowed to go and knock on neighbours.

The story about the little boy horrified me. Those types of stories are why i chose to live in a village that has a very lively community where people check on neighbours etc.

@VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia yes of course, some people may not for whatever reason have a wide range of regular social contacts and would benefit from digital monitoring of whereabouts and status.

I would find this intrusive, dehumanising, and just .... not for me.

I've got two ND children and their experience is different from yours. One loves tracking apps, the other does not and feels no need for them.

That doesn't mean tech like this doesn't have a place, but I imagine for the majority of people (include many ND people) a technological solution like this isn't necessary or warranted.

If it works for you, go for it.

There are probably other solutions out there that work for other people with worries like this, is all I am saying.

Back to my point - you need to strengthen those relationships. I did the same. BTW the app you suggested is also a good idea.

@NoisyDachshunddd Terminology like "Who in their right mind" and "predatory corporate poaching" didn't convey the same sentiment as your later message does.

@maddiemookins16mum I was never anxious about things like this (despite having almost died three times, in really unexpected ways)… until (for a 4th time I almost died at home, again completely unexpectedly- all these near death experiences were entirely separate and unrelated), and the fourth time I was alone with my 1 year old.

I guess what I’m saying is, none of us really know how life will unfold. the fourth time it happened, it was nurse strike day… so when I called 999 I was put on hold. Then when I got through (the first time) they essentially told me nobody was coming for a very long time as they were only attending the most critical life threatening emergencies (didn’t realise at this stage that I was a critical life threatening emergency).

But there was a moment when I realised my life was really in danger and I was alone with my almost 2 year old, having tried to call my spouse, my Mum and my best friend (all of whom didn’t pick up- which never happens!) and it dawned on me that if nobody came, my child would be all alone for countless hours and nobody would know and nobody would be following up for a long time.

So for those of us who could go under the radar- I have no family or close friends living nearby, they would all need at least an hour and a half to get to me, it’s reasonable to want a plan in place.

In the end I just left my flat, without any shoes! And hobbled about knocking on doors… thinking to myself, I just need to find another human being so somebody knows I’m potentially dying and my child needs safeguarding until someone picks up the bloody phone!

We are in the process of moving house, to live nearer to my mum. It wasn’t the reason we’re moving but I’ll be a lot happier with her close by and I don’t consider this ‘anxious’. I think it’s sensible.

I’m still optimistic and it doesn’t keep me up at night- I’m aware these things are rare.

However, contingency plans are sensible… Unless the anxiety is so great that no amount of planning will calm the nerves (or it impacts on your day to day functioning) then plans are undoubtedly a good idea and they only become a drama if you need one and you don’t have one.

I wouldn’t say I don’t need a fire alarm because I’ve never been in a house fire and I doubt I’ll ever actually need one (I have actually been in a house fire). But I wouldn’t decide not to get life insurance because I don’t expect to die. You plan for the worst so you can put all your energy into hoping and striving for the best.

These things aren’t a problem at all, until they are.

@Mnk711 All that being said. I realise my experience might not be average and excess worry isn’t healthy. I’m just of the opinion that a bit of worry is sensible and can be easily managed with a sensible plan. So I hope you can create a plan that puts your mind at ease.

One thing I have done is learn how to activate a 999 call on my iPhone without the need to unlock it or press the number buttons. I’ve also made a note of people I think I could turn to if it happens a 5th time!

Do you have friends that are in the same boat? Neighbours? Make sure you have a routine so if you are not seen you are missed. Building regularity is important.

My neighbours have keys to my house, I let them know if I am going away and up to a couple years ago, when my very retired neighbour got himself a lovely girlfriend, I was sure he would notice if we went off track with our routines. Now he is travelling all the time with her so, I hope the people at my office might be able to raise the alarm if they can’t find me for a day or two.

DS broke my heart when, at age 7, asked me to teach him to drive so he could get to the supermarket if something happened to me 🙁.

As others in this thread, he had full instructions on how to ask for help, how to escape the house and details or who he should go to from a very early age.

I'm a very unanxious person but when the DC were small and I worked away a lot I did think about this a lot- especially because depending on the day of the week it could be several days before anyone noticed.

I rarely had a day when out of contact though. Dp is awful for never checking his phone so had to be told off a few times but is now good at responding. And the kids are much bigger so not to worry about any more.

I don't think it's an unreasonable concern and has reminded me to go over 999 with them again.

I’m thinking about this too. People are saying surely husband can call a couple of times a day but mine often works in remote areas with no signal.

I haven't read the thread but I don't think it's irrational at all and it's a miracle it doesn't happen more often really. People are very isolated nowadays - it's one thing living alone and all that goes with it but quite another if with a tiny child who cannot ask for help or use a phone.

I don't know what the solution is. Soon your child will be a bit older and you'll be able to teach them some things to do in case of emergency.

So I had a worry because I have autism and epilepsy about this ages ago. We have a teen and 3 under 3..we decided to keep the landline because in an emergency our 3 year old knows how to work it and call grandma,grandad or daddy if our teen is away or out. We also made a snack drawer at there level which my hubby puts a day's worth of snacks in before he goes early to work each morning or they would eat a month's worth at once if they were allowed lol, but no they roughly know when they can go to it since I give them snacks same times each day. Also key safe we have one, only had to use it once when I had a fit, but was handy for ambulance guys to let themselves in and hubby just change pin after use. And the final thing I have a helper dog and she wil bark her head off on command or bark her head off if I have a fit and both sides of neighbours know that means there's something wrong because she's silent otherwise lol

EmpressSoleil · Yesterday 20:38
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@helpfulperson
I really wouldn't worry about your cats. They'd eat you before they starved to death!

😂 I was going to say this but worried I’d sound heartless. It’s very true though

The address thing isn't as important as you'd think.

My two year old had the police round last week after phoning 999 on my mobile (nothing was wrong)- first I knew was when the police were on my door step!

She definitely doesn't know our address so they must trace the call.

It doesn't happen more often because parents of small children tend to be quite young themselves, and it's rare for young people to drop down dead without warning. The recent case in the news was awful but most 2 yr olds don't have 70 yr old fathers.

The reason that sad story was all over the papers was because it very rarely happens thankfully so I wouldn’t get too anxious about it.

You don't have to be anxious to be prepared.

There are personal alarms which are worn on your clothes, and if you are incapacitated you press the alarm. They then call you back, and if you can speak you tell them what has happened. If you can't speak and they get no response, they automatically send an ambulance to your home, and also notify the people on your contact list. The alarms also have fall detection, so if you fall and don't press the button they also send help. https://www.which.co.uk/reviews/assistive-technology/article/how-to-buy-the-best-personal-alarm-aiDEp0U1Tdr2

@Mnk711 i empathise with your situation. When my daughter was newborn my partner worked in remote outback locations around Australia and we would go several days or more without communicating. I remember sometimes when my legs started to buckle underneath me as I walked the floor with her, sometimes having the terrible thought of if something happened to me, like if I fell or hit my head how long would it take someone to realise something was wrong and come help her. I also know a young mother who suddenly died with a young baby at home so although uncommon, it can happen. Of course it’s unlikely but your fears are understandable and anyone who tells you that you’re being ridiculous clearly has had the luxury of never being faced this potential scenario. Being alone with precious little people who need you and rely on you for their life can be harrowing at times. Knowing nobody is around to help can contribute to anxiety. I would ask a friend or relative you trust to message you twice a day when he is away. In my own sleep deprived state I didn’t think to do that at the time. If it brings you peace of mind that is no small thing. Best wishes

I appreciate this (also I think he was 60?) but there are all sorts of household accidents and emergencies that could leave a solo adult profoundly injured or dead.

My friend died of a brain aneurysm stone dead in the space of a couple of seconds, in front of his kid. My other close relative keeps having anaphylactic (sp?) reactions to something unknown and has been luckily rescued only minutes from death each time. Terrifying!

So what I'm saying is.....find other women in your situation and together form a support network where you do exactly that. We (me and my friend) did 3 rings to eachother to say we're up. Or send a txt before 9am. I'm saying you can be proactive in setting something up.

This is a massive failure of empathy... @PicklesAndTequila

Just because YOU may have a partner who can be in touch daily... Doesn't mean everyone has this... !!

I grew up surrounded by families with dads(at the time) sometimes at sea for months at a time with comms blackout...

Simply not able to have daily contact.

My teenage Dd had encephalitis and was fine and apparently healthy when we said goodnight then we found her having a massive seizure the next morning. That could be any of us.

The landlines stopping is such a stupid idea for security and safeguarding. We have Seizalarm’s connected to the mobiles and landline - in a power outage BT can give us a battery for half an hour for the alarm still to work. At the moment we still have a landline which would work throughout the night. We had a powercut for 4 hours the other day and the only thing that worked was the landline. Bizarrely everyone’s (ours and neighbours) mobile phones would not ring out even on data. Maybe connections were too busy??

It makes our whole infrastructures (hospitals, police) so reliant on electricity supplies. Bad for home security.

Useless in terms of babies if the alarm-wearer dies suddenly in bed.

Yeah agreed this is unusual for a lot of us - no-one I currently know has a job like that but I can certainly imagine some jobs it must be a thing and I vaguely remember some girls I knew dating marine engineers when I was much younger and I think they may have been out of contact some days.

I think we all must not forget that this also happened partly because of a negligent mother - she had a row with him and didn’t bother to call her child in that period of time from before Christmas until when they were found. For single parents who successfully co-parent it’s less of a worry.

I agree about calling 999, I had to do that aged three or four for my Gran. Someone must have told me how to do it as she was diabetic.

To everyone saying this is extremely rare, and only happens to elderly or ill people, that's not true. There have been many similar incidents in recent years its just that they didn't garner as much media attention as this little boy and his dad did. A few years ago there was a young mum and her 1 year old daughter found in similar circumstances. There have been people who were deceased in their homes for months without anyone knowing, and the only time anyone bothered to check was when the rent wasn't being paid. Back in the 90s there was a young woman who was deceased in her flat for 3 years! She didn't have children, but it was sad nonetheless.
Some of us are single parents and our own parents are no longer here. Our friends live far away. We have children with SEN who may not be able to make a phone call due to communication difficulties. Are you going to tell us we have nothing to worry about??

Some parishes have a version of this. It's often elderly people who use it, but it can also just be people living along (either temporarily or long term). It's actually quite a nice way to build community; gives older people a chance to check in and say hello on the phone, gives younger people a routine.

You could check with your local vicar and see if they do. You don't have to be particularly religious; it's more the social/community side of religion at work.