To worry about my children starving to death in an emergency?

[Mnk711]

I have long been worried about what will happen to my toddler and baby if something happened to me at home e.g. a fall, a stroke etc. My DP works away a lot for long periods so we are often home alone, have no close neighbours, and no routines etc that anyone would notice us missing from. There's a good chance if I were to be incapacitated no one would come and help my children. The recent case in the news about a two year old starving to death has brought all my fears up again. AIBU to worry about this? Does anyone have any good suggestions of how to deal with this risk e.g. apps, technology, arrangements with others...?

You need the Just Checking In app or something similar.

An app that automatically contacts someone if you haven't checked in that day. So you don't "bother" your friends or parents every day, but there's a warning if something goes wrong.

When I was a single parent in the 80s I taught my daughter to Dial 999 and also a few local friends' numbers on my landline phone as soon as she could read numbers. I suppose using a mobile phone doesn't require reading numbers (my 2 year old grandson once phoned me early in the morning on his mum's phone) but most people lock their phones now so I don't know the answer to that.

all sorts of jobs when not in contact working on oil rigs, merchant navy maybe only a satelite phone, the navy ( especially submarines when can be no communication for months) other branches of armed services, remote locations with non existent phone signals working for MI5 or MI6 etc

It's such a sad situation and I don't understand why the police didn't force entry the first time.

This happened to someone I lived with. His mum died when he was 18 months old and he was alone with her for nearly two days.

My friend is 87 and lives alone so every morning she rings her friend at the same time, does two or three rings then hangs up, that way they know she's fine. If the call doesn't come she rings her. Could you do that with someone?

This has made me think I should do something as I live on my own now and while I'm not so bothered about me, though I'm not very well atm, I am worried about my pets who wouldn't be able to feed themselves.

I think it's a reasonable concern.

Teach the children to shout through the letter box.

Keep boxes of cereal /bottles of water in a low cupboard.

Instead of a phone you could buy a cheap tablet that is always plugged in and only has the phone icons with preprogrammed numbers, with photos so they know who they are phoning for an emergency
Very young children can be taught how to phone 999 in ab emergency, teach them your address.
Plenty of parents with medical conditions have to think like this.

I'm a single parent and Until DD was old enough to use a phone my parents liked me to send an emoji when I went to bed and another when I woke up. It wasn't intrusive but they knew we were ok and would ring if I forgot to check on us.

To those who think it's super unlikely I used to work for 111 and once had a call about a child who was found on a Monday morning with their parent who had passed away. The child was disabled and was taken to and from school by specialist taxi and the taxi assistant found them as fortunately the front door was left unlocked.

These things do happen. Fortunately in this case the child was found quickly enough but by sheer bloody luck more than anything.

DH called 999 and ran to alert a neighbour when he was 5 and his dad had an epileptic fit while his mum was at work. Young children manage surprisingly well. You need food and water in an accessible cupboard where the two year old knows it is and as soon as they can teach then about 999 in an emergency even if they can't talk a responder hearing children and no adult will send someone out. It's also highly unlikely anything will happen, that man had ongoing serious health problems and a heart condition.

I don't understand everyone saying surely the kids must see someone because Socializing. For all we know the OP has loads of baby classes and events all week. That might still not mean someone will assume they need to check in if she doesn't turn up one week. For all they know she's on holidays or just has flu.

Not sending your 2 yr old to nursery isn’t isolating your kids! Haven’t you heard of mother and toddler groups, soft play, children’s activities, visiting friends and family?

As a single mother, I started teaching my daughter how to use the phone and how to dial 911 (here in the US) in case of an emergency very, very early. I made sure I called my mother each day and if she hadn't heard from me, she knew that was a sign of trouble. I knew my neighbors and made sure they knew us. My daughter knew how to get water and had a food pantry low enough for her to get to food. It's definitely a worry for those of us alone! And something I thought about and had a plan for, just jn case.

@trippily my oldest does actually go to nursery 3 days pw but nursery would just call me or my DP if we didn't show up. If he was contactable that might help but he's usually not. Nursery have in the past forgotten to get in touch when I've forgotten in a sleep deprived haze to tell them DC is ill, I think there's a good chance it'd be a week or more before they'd worry.

NB I definitely do take my children out to see friends and family, soft play etc, it's just that most days we don't have a set routine so it's not like people would say 'hmmm, where's Mnk711 and DC, I've not seen them today?'

I used to worry about this when my kids were little and I became a single parent (5, 2 and 6m). I taught my eldest how to get out the house and go to the neighbours and also how to call 999.

I'm still a single parent (they're now 11, 8 and 5) and I do still have worries but I know they'd be able to get help easily now. Actually, my best friend was saying the other day she will drop anything she's doing to answer my eldest when he phones her just in case something bad has happened to me and he's calling for help! Usually he will tell her she smells and put the phone down though 😂 but it shows others will think of you if they know you are alone.

It's an incredibly tiny risk. If it's really bothering you though look into Smart watches, my Apple Watch has a fall sensor so if I fall over it will ask me if I'm ok and if I don't respond will contact 999.

We have a landline tucked out of the way but plugged in and active just for this eventuality (or in case i drop my mobile down the toilet etc). I've programmed various quickdial numbers in so DS can just press 1 for Dad, 2 for grandma etc and he knows how to dial 999 and under what circumstances - how to open the doors etc. He was probably about 3 when I taught him this. I'm a single parent and avoider of people so it felt necessary.

Unlikely, but you never know. Agree about teaching address to eldest and what to do in an emergency. Do you have an Alexa? DD just shouts out ‘call dad’ or whatever. She can also unlock my phone and call relatives.

My dh worked away lots so I set up a text communication with a friend. If they didn't receive a text from me that day they knew to ring me and if they didn't get an answer they agreed to check on me.

As soon as my kids could understand we role played different situations so acted out mummy can't be woken up (I pretended and lay down on floor), showed them to shake me and shout then pinch me. If mummy won't wake up - got the phone and showed them red button - I put red sticker on the 9 and press three times (took batteries out of house phone to practise). Then to go to sittingroom window and bang until someone comes. Or they go into the back garden (we have a backdoor with turn lock) and go into the back garden and scream until someone comes - they were non verbal until 4 so could only scream (we are a terrace so someone would have heard)

I always leave a huge bottle of water next to my toddlers bed and have food in the snack cupboard which is in reach in an emergency (extra fruit shoots in there too).

I've also told my mum and best friend if they haven't heard from me in over 36 hours and I'm not answering the phone they need to come to my house and break-in if car is here.

(I wish I had never read the article which caused this fear!)

My younger kids became tech savy much younger probably around 3 with an ipad. They face timed grandparents all the time. So you could try that if you have an old iPhone or ipad around the house

We don’t have a landline either. I had shown my children how to call 999 on our iPhones but my phone is never in one set place which worried me (I can never find my phone at the best of times, so asking my children to find it in an emergency 😟) I’ve just bought a cheap PAYG Nokia, it will stay in the same place all the time and I’ve shown them how to call 999 (no worrying about facial recognition or fingerprints).

Yes, I was going to say Alexa and teach the 2yo…….i guess there’s a risk they might do a fake call for help on it?? 🤷‍♀️. I do know someone who had an accident in their home, lived by themselves and the Alexa saved her life as she could ask it to call someone.

Why not start making friends and creating connections yourself?

OP mine are teens and this all only become a reality when I fell when one day and hurt my back. I couldn't move. Luckily eldest dc was 3, brother were 2 and a newborn. He brought me my phone and I phoned for help to get me off the floor. This is when we made the plan. My are nearly all teen now. Buy I remember being very fearful at the time even now

My DCs both know that they should go to a neighbour's house. You say neighbours aren't close but presumably a child could still walk there? If you really live in the back of beyond and your DH is away a lot I would consider moving, not because of the minute chance of something happening to you but because it would just be too isolating.

@Kittylala I have plenty of friends, just not people I see daily. If I had an accident and was eg due to meet a friend for lunch I'm sure they'd come and check on me, but my worry is what happens on other days.