To worry about my children starving to death in an emergency?

[Mnk711]

I have long been worried about what will happen to my toddler and baby if something happened to me at home e.g. a fall, a stroke etc. My DP works away a lot for long periods so we are often home alone, have no close neighbours, and no routines etc that anyone would notice us missing from. There's a good chance if I were to be incapacitated no one would come and help my children. The recent case in the news about a two year old starving to death has brought all my fears up again. AIBU to worry about this? Does anyone have any good suggestions of how to deal with this risk e.g. apps, technology, arrangements with others...?

Once, staying in a remote house just with DS {aged 7} in the South of France I had an electric shock when the kettle base 'aquaplaned' into the washing up bowl in the galley kitchen...instinctively I grabbed it out of the water and felt the shock go up my arm - it ached but thankfully was ok.

That definitely made me think about ''What if''... Back then no one had international mobile phones or internet and even today, the house there doesn't have internet access.

All I did was move the kettle and it's base far away from the sink.

Daily checking in isn't too bad, surely, in these days of mobile phones?

I had a neighbour's daughter contact me in a panic as her elderly mother wasn't answering her phones.

I remember the dread of rushing home, stomach in knots, and the utter relief of neighbour just having fallen asleep in the garden on her bench.

Mobiles are the way to go, even if it's just you checking in with an ''I'm ok'' message.

It's pretty rare when things like this happen, thankfully, which is why it makes the news.

Do you have an alexa? Can you set it up so dc could say "alexa call grandma"? Then they could get help.

I remember being alone overnight with ds when he was a baby and for some random reason got the thought in my head that if I died in the night he wouldn't be able to get out of his cot to get help. I did actually text a friend and ask her to check in with me the next morning. I know it's irrational but once you get that idea in your head it's hard to shake.

I'd just ask a family member if you can send them a short message, even just one letter or an emoji if need be at the end of every day that they don't have to reply to, with the instruction that if a message doesn't come, they're to check in.

DEFINITELY!

I showed my son from aged 4 {when husband left} how to dial 999 ''if he couldn't wake up mummy'' for any reason.

I said it will bring a person to help.

Once I must have knocked the 999 button by accident while hoovering - a short time later a lovely lady phoned to say I'd called emergency services.

I said I hadn't, but must have knocked it while hoovering...she said ''we could hear the sounds of someone hoovering''.

They definitely will help even if a child remains silent.

Can you start teaching your 2 year old to use the phone? I remember this feeling!

I understand OP. When my husband was away I used to say to our attached neighbours that if they heard the baby crying for a long time I wouldn’t be offended about them checking on us, just in case I had fallen down the stairs or choked on my lunch or something! Thankfully it never happened but I think your fears are valid.

so you aren’t in contact with anyone frequently and your partner can’t get in contact either?

only on MN do I ever read about people having such isolated existences.

Have a look into Family Networking.
identify your worries and what outcomes you feel would be positive and make you feel better.
thoroughly explore family and friends in your support network and get everyone together to see if they can offer any support, actions or suggestions to reduce your worries.
everyone should only offer things they can commit to.
Their offers of support/actions to reduce your worries can be logged and the final product creates a plan that everyone follows

If you have an Alexa set it up to call numbers. If you don’t buy one even if only to teach your child.

Make sure they know how to use your phone for 999. Make sure where is access to food and water even if it’s only some crackers or cereal and a bottle of water. So upstairs mums room a bottle of water and a pack of crackers. Kitchen make sure there is food and a water bottle in a low cupboard.

You could make sure you have your online status on, on Facebook/ WhatsApp etc so if someone is trying to check on you they can see you was last active however long ago. Be that hours or days.

Lots of devices now have fall react/crash react.

water is one of the biggest things if the child can get water or any fluids they will survive for quite some time. Just unfortunately this little lad couldn’t get to anything.

I had this fear when i became a single parent. I taught my daughter when she was nearly 3, how to use the emergency contacts on my mobile which dont need to unlock the phone. The thought of me passed out and her helpless, left me with a coldness i had to do something. She understood and showed me she could do it. Now shes nearly 6, i do check in with her about this still. Hearing that little boy was alive 2 to 3 days, helpless, breaks my heart.

My cousin (now grown up and a Mum) was taught how to use the phone aged two.

She had a speed dial button which was painted a different colour that she could use to call Grandad and also knew how to call 999.

This was necessary due to Mum's medical conditions.

She successfully raised the alarm when her Mum collapsed and saved the life of Mum and baby sister.

I live away from family and DH is military so away a lot. I check in with my mum every morning, I've told her if she ever doesn't hear from me then worry. I have 3 very young children, DC1 is also ASD so delays there with communication. I walk round with my AirPods in lot, usually just one. So if I needed to make a call away from my phone then I can. I have intrusive thoughts about something happening to me and my young kids being left alone so i totally get it.

My son was three the first time he called for an ambulance for me (I’ve got epilepsy) Kids that young can definitely be taught what to do. Just be very calm and matter of a fact about what to do and when it’s ok to call.

Why? When I was in this position pre mobile phones etc I had a busy life doing a variety of things but no set pattern and nobody checked up on me. My boyfriend was in the army and not easily contactable, I was a teacher so school wouldn't have noticed my absence in the holidays. I didn't feel isolated.

Since you have a DP why not just arrange for a daily check in or something?

Ignore those who say you are overreacting, being unreasonable etc... its not just about health conditions- anyone can fall down the stairs and hit their head for example!

At your children's very young ages especially, it is a much warranted concern!

I think the 999 idea sounds good, if they can track the location the call is from? as dont think a not even 3yo would remember an address.

I get showing where the food and drink is with an older child....maybe the 2yo could just about grasp that, but a 2yo could no way care for a 6mth old.

Definitely make sure someone calls and/or sees you every day OP...why not devise some sort of weekly rota for the calls, so it's not too much pressure on one person?

Not sure what the situation is about the nursery, but might be a good idea? Or a childminder? Think you would be entitled to the free hours from April (or maybe your 3yo funding) if your husband works. And at that age your little one might enjoy it.At least then you are guaranteed contact with someone those days, and if you let them know your situation they would know to investigate if your child wasn't in and they hadn't heard why.

What a silly thing to say my husband always 4 weeks at a time and and we can't talk everyday.

Perhaps somebody in the same boat on here would like to send a message to you and vice versa daily?

You could share an emergency contact with each other and if one of you doesn't hear back from the other you could notify the emergency contact?

I'm sure they'll be someone on here that would benefit from it

Being rural makes it more difficult. My gran had a neighbour who passed her house daily and said ‘if your blinds are still down in the morning I’ll go and get (My uncle)’ . My Gran had a coal fire and got up to light it at about 6am every day then got up for the day early on. Her blinds were always up by 9am and the neighbour went to the shop at about 10.30, my Uncle lived just a few streets away but had no telephone..

Would it work for you to have some app, which asks you to confirm everything is ok (once a day?) and if you don't confirm it, it would send message to someone from your family to call you?

It could help bridging the time until your oldest would be able to operate some kind of panic button.

I taught my 4yo 999 from my mobile a couple of weeks ago. We also have loads of accessible dried food crisps, crackers, snacks etc) that he could reach and open for him and his little sister (and does daily). He can do water from the taps too, but dd is too short. We don't live alone but I have anaphylaxis and asthma, and you never know... Thinking maybe we need to add juice cartons to the middle shelves now too, so that ds can get them but not dd (juice fiend)!

I have taught my five-year-old daughter how to call 999 and she know our address. Also Introduced my daughter to our neighbours and if I have a fall and she can't wake me up she can go to them. Doesn't hurt to prepare them just in case. Very unlikely but why take the chance if you don't have to.

Your family or close friends won't mind, especially with recent headlines. Please reach out to someone for a daily message just in case. Make it short and blunt so no need for chat just a thumbs up emoji back and forward. .

I understand the worry you are bothering them but you really aren't. It would haunt them forever if the worst did happen. (As unlikely as that is).

That’s a really good idea.

As is key safe.
Don’t Apple Watches send out an emergency call?

I got my arm stuck in the cot railings trying to shush pat DC2 when he was a few weeks old and DC1 was a month or so before her 3rd birthday. I'm still not sure how I did it but it seemed to take forever to get it out again and I decided we needed a plan in case anything ever happened to me.
I taught DC1 how to ring 999 and also programmed the landline with Daddy, Granny, Auntie etc but, even if she couldn't read the name, she knew she pressed the house button (which brought up the programmed numbers) and then could press any number and would get through to someone who would recognise the number and so, if it wasn't me or DH, would know it was DC1 in an emergency and be able to ask her questions and then call 999 themselves even if they were hours away.
I explained to DD when to do it (if mummy was really fast asleep and she'd shouted and tickled me for example). I then read a report about how a toddler did call the emergency services but refused to let them in the house so we then had a chat about who she could open the door too and how to get her little step stool from the downstairs loo and carry it to the front door so she could reach the door handle and let them in.