To worry about my children starving to death in an emergency?

[Mnk711]

I have long been worried about what will happen to my toddler and baby if something happened to me at home e.g. a fall, a stroke etc. My DP works away a lot for long periods so we are often home alone, have no close neighbours, and no routines etc that anyone would notice us missing from. There's a good chance if I were to be incapacitated no one would come and help my children. The recent case in the news about a two year old starving to death has brought all my fears up again. AIBU to worry about this? Does anyone have any good suggestions of how to deal with this risk e.g. apps, technology, arrangements with others...?

Thing is, you’re recalling something that happened once. It’s still unlikely that something bad will happen. Possible but not likely.

i’m a single parent & have taught my DD how to call 999. I don’t think it will happen but just to be extra safe. There’s enough water &food access and neighbours round here are vigilant too.

op, could you do as pp’s suggested & ‘check in’ with someone (even a smiley face) each morning.

The case currently is rare. The dad had existing health problems & unconfirmed drug/alcohol problems. The boy also didn’t have access to food. I would say most kids over 3/4 could find food/drink.

I also keep food in a drawer which DD3 can reach and open. I take them out the packets and put them in Tupperware so DD3 can open them as she can't open some wrapping. She knows to offer to her younger sister too. I always fill water bottles for them in the morning and top up during the day. Good idea to put extra drinks in cupboard they can reach. Thankfully, it would only be a short time before someone came to check on me! I hope!

This is one reason why I always leave cups and snacks in a low cupboard from a young age. They know where everything is and are able to get it. They can get water from the tap or squash from the side etc. I taught them how to call 999 or an emergency contact from about 3. I know your dp is remote but we where in regular contact with mine when he was working away. Does your 3 year old go to nursery. They would check up on you if you didn't turn up

To be fair only the other day I sent my friend who I talk to each and everyday my address cause she’s only ever been here once and i began to start getting bad migraines and poorly dizzy feelings etc. i also have 2 sisters and a mum Literally all 5 mins away who I see or speak to every day so they’d know but I also work Monday-fri so I know they’d raise the alarm if I didn’t turn to work on a work day.

it is a bit over the top but I get you especially if you don’t have a close network. You will be fine just do age appropriate things and change it and teach them as they grow

The recent case was absolutely terrible and makes you consider who'd miss your comings and goings if you weren't around for a few days.

This is why social contact and connections are vitally important. They generally keep people happier, safer and help protect against isolation and depression.

Not everyone always relishes making the effort involved in socialising/ staying in touch with people, but we should all try to do it if possible.

We don't need tracking apps and apple watches monitoring movement. We just need to pick up the bloody phone or whatsapp people or just say hi regularly to people passing by.

This is such a rude response.

Is there actually anything wrong with you to make you think this way?

This literally never entered my head when I was rearing my children!! It's incredibly rare that anything bad would happen!

OP literally has a husband. Who is presumably the father of the children she's worried about.

This used to worry me, too, when I was living alone with a 2 year old. Thankfully work would have checked on me (I assume!) if there was no contact for several days, and my mother phoned me most evenings, so she could have raised the alarm, although she lived hundreds of miles away.
It's a totally valid concern, however remote the possibility. And do we all rush to check on friends/neighbours if we haven't seen them for a few days? I'd just think they were busy with their own lives ...

Who works away for long periods of time and is not always able to get in contact. Which isn’t really unusual.

Crickey, I can't believe people are making comments like get your children to nursery, socialisation, move house and one poster suggested your DH gets a new job!!! Mind you it's MN so maybe I shouldn't be surprised!
OP I get your concerns, and whilst it is a very small risk I think this very sad and real situation has shaken a lot of people and make them think about their own scenarios. My kids are older now, but from a young age I taught them how to use the phone, know their address etc. I think the post suggesting a £20 Amazon phone was probably the most helpful here. I hope you find a solution that eases your worries x

As others have said, an Apple watch has a fall alert on it which would tell your contact without you having to do anything. My friend's husband fell in a warehouse and my friend got the alert on her phone and called his boss.

You could also have Alexa and teach your child to say "Call for help"?

What Is an Alexa Emergency Contact? - Amazon Customer Service

Be aware that VOIP telephony doesn't necessarily give your location data.

It is actually fairly unusual for a husband to be literally unable to contact their family for so long there's a risk that they could be dead for days before he notices, yes.

I saw something on a local Mum;s FB group about a "check in" group. I didnt take much notice as it didnt apply to me as the kids were older but I think it was aimed at single parents but your situation would also apply.

Would it be worth seeing if anyone locally would be happy to join a group like that? Obviously there would be practicalities but maybe google would help there.

I take it you have heard of the Armed Services?

Deployment can been quite long periods of not being contactable and if the spouse and family dont live in married quarters there is a good chance that they would not have anyone to keep an eye on them.

I'm really glad I had some sensible, time-served older relatives when I had very young children. They provided much needed context and balance for my new parent worries.

When my great- grandparents and grandparents were raising their children, causes of child deaths they experienced were things like vaccine preventable illnesses, drowning, electrocution, choking, burns, etc.

The stats aren't that different now. It's cancer and accidents/ poisonings, and extreme poverty. Road traffic is also a big risk for small children.

It's understandable when horribly sad cases in the news make you think of what ifs, but it's your brain playing tricks on you. Not good to focus on these ultra-rare events and extrapolate them to our own lives.

Lifeline /Careline pendant or wrist pendant (triggered if you fall or press the button on it)-connects to the call centre who will speak to you and, if unable to make contact, will alert your nominated contacts or emergency services. You need a landline phone and they also work if you are out in the garden as well.

Instead of having family check in every day why don’t YOU check in with them with no obligation for them to respond. Literally text your Mum/sister/friend every day saying “Hi”. If one day you don’t then they know that’s unusual and to check on you.

@SecretBanta its a sad state of affairs if a young, healthy person needs such a thing. Something's gone wrong. It's a sad state of affairs if an elderly, infirm person needs this - but arguably more understandable given the natural attrition of your contacts as you get older.

What about ground floor windows OP?
Can you teach kids to open and crawl through?

Family might have found it over the top before but I think if you explain your concern most would understand. Could you speak with whoever you're closest to in your family and say you were thinking about what happened on the news and with dh working away so much it made you aware that if something happened, noone might notice for a while and you'd like to agree that you'll text them at least once every day and if they don't hear from you, they'll check in and if nothing by the end of the day they'll raise the alarm. And that you'll contact them by email should your phone die etc. Dh would know something was wrong if I hadn't messaged him in a while so I see nothing wrong with setting this up for yourself.

Is definitely a fear I would have had while I was on maternity alone with ds so I understand the worry, but it's very unlikely anything would happen. Teaching your child how to use the phone to ring 999 is an excellent skill to have. You could teach your oldest how to use it on your mobile as well or how to trigger the ICE contact call.

Have you got an Alexa or similar? I know on Alexa you can use it like a phone using voice commands so ‘Alexa call granny’.

@FallingStar21, in my opinion, no-one should be actively teaching very young children to crawl through ground floor windows because emergency and mummy might be dead or unconscious. It's unnecessary, alarming and weird.

I think she meant the two year old is nearly three and the second child is 6 months. But yes I read it that way at first and thought she was really cracking on with the baby thing.