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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To worry about my children starving to death in an emergency?

238 replies

Mnk711 · 19/01/2024 20:02

I have long been worried about what will happen to my toddler and baby if something happened to me at home e.g. a fall, a stroke etc. My DP works away a lot for long periods so we are often home alone, have no close neighbours, and no routines etc that anyone would notice us missing from. There's a good chance if I were to be incapacitated no one would come and help my children. The recent case in the news about a two year old starving to death has brought all my fears up again. AIBU to worry about this? Does anyone have any good suggestions of how to deal with this risk e.g. apps, technology, arrangements with others...?

OP posts:
Pancakewaffle · 20/01/2024 22:41

edissa · 20/01/2024 21:00

I've had similar concerns OP after the awful recent news. My partner also works away frequently and is also uncontactable for periods of that.

I'm wondering if and how I can teach our 2.5 year old to call for help if needed. I've also put snacks and drinks in a low cupboard so she knows where they are if she needed them. I'm considering programming the Alexa emergency contact to go through to a family member and teach her to say "Alexa call for help" if she ever can't wake mummy up. It just seems like a complex thing for her to learn at such a young age so I'm not sure if it's possible, but worth a try.

Do you have someone you can message daily, trustworthy enough that if you don't respond they can pop round/use your echo to 'drop in' and talk to you/hear what's going on that way? It does notify when someone drops in so they wouldn't be able to be randomly listening to you without a notification going off to tell you first 😅

KarenNotAKaren · 20/01/2024 22:46

It’s certainly given me food for thought about what to do if anything happened like that to us. Thankfully 10yo DD is switched on and has a phone but I’m more worried that DS would panic.

I think we could all think about contingency plans and make sure we check in with loved ones. What a horrible lesson to learn but a valuable one

heartofglass23 · 21/01/2024 04:15

Teach your toddler emergency skills.

Call 999.
Pour water from tap into a glass to drink.
Give baby a bottle. (Keep a made up one in the fridge)
Use the microwave/toaster.
Leave food they can eat in reach like cereal, bread, even junk food.
Have things in containers they can open like jelly.
Always have milk and juice in the fridge and other basics that can be eaten freely like cheese and cold meat.

edissa · 21/01/2024 07:32

@Pancakewaffle
Yes, I do actually have a friend who I message almost daily. I could make this agreement with her. My 2.5 year old has the language to say to someone "mummy fall over" or "mummy not wake up" for example, but she wouldn't be able to unlock my phone or press the correct buttons to make a call etc. So the Alexa option seems a good plan.

But then again, does a 2.5 year old have the ability to hold such a complex concept in mind? I'm not convinced. She's need to remember that, if/when I can't wake mummy I must go to the same room as the Alexa and say "Alexa call for help" and talk to whoever answers about mummy. And then she'd need to override her emotions (likely upset and fear) about mummy not being able to wake up, to act on the above plan. That's a lot to expect of a child that age isn't it. Let's just hope it's never needed!

BirthdayRainbow · 21/01/2024 08:14

If you don't try then you won't know. Find a way to practice.

I wouldn't be teaching a toddler to use the toaster though and probably not a microwave either.

WonderLife · 21/01/2024 08:21

@edissa start getting her to make Alexa calls now as a fun thing (eg lets call grandma, lets call Auntie Julie) so it's an automatic thing for her that Alexa is for contacting people.

edissa · 21/01/2024 08:45

@WonderLife that's a good idea!

edissa · 21/01/2024 08:49

@WonderLife although, there is a risk that she will call Grandad repeatedly several times a day if I teach her this - she's a little obsessed with him at the moment bless her 🥰 I'll just pre warn my Dad that he may get a few calls 😂

Beezknees · 21/01/2024 08:53

Can't say it's something I ever worried about, I don't have young kids any more but someone would have raised the alarm if I didn't turn up to work or answer phone calls.

Pancakewaffle · 21/01/2024 10:00

@edissa I totally get it. I have a 2.5YO as well as there's no way he would be able to use the Alexa to call for help or use my phone. So atm I have to rely on someone else checking in. It's tricky as well because of the layout of our house, we will use stair gates so he wouldn't be able to get into the kitchen for food so it's really important we have a system in place!

StrawberryShortbread2001 · 21/01/2024 11:15

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/01/2024 20:58

It's such a sad situation and I don't understand why the police didn't force entry the first time.

I regularly have to call in welfare checks. We have to weigh up if we think there's an actual issue. Then the police do the same.

@BirthdayRainbow If you really think the police should have attended and forced the door the first time, who pays for the door when it turns out they were at the shops?

I think this is where agencies can be criticised for not working together adequately. The SW knew the family and obviously had reason to believe there was an issue and referred to the police. The police should have taken the SW's word for it that there could be an issue, especially the 2nd time.

Agree · 21/01/2024 11:22

heartofglass23 · 21/01/2024 04:15

Teach your toddler emergency skills.

Call 999.
Pour water from tap into a glass to drink.
Give baby a bottle. (Keep a made up one in the fridge)
Use the microwave/toaster.
Leave food they can eat in reach like cereal, bread, even junk food.
Have things in containers they can open like jelly.
Always have milk and juice in the fridge and other basics that can be eaten freely like cheese and cold meat.

.
Not glass
Baby can't get in fridge
Don't encourage a toddler to mess with the toaster / microwave
Definitely not milk or cold meat (food poisoning),

Just plenty of water and digestive biscuits will keep a little one alive

OP can you set up a WhatsApp group with some local women in similar situation that you can all post a little something in every day? That way if anyone doesn't post for a day or two you can check in?

WeveGotThis · 21/01/2024 21:48

Seasmoke7 · 20/01/2024 14:06

Probably because you can't worry about every single possible disaster happening no matter how unlikely because that way lies mental illness. Most young healthy parents really don't have to worry that they're going to collapse dead without warning at any given moment.

Show quote history

No, but if you baby proof your home at all it's the same thing. Being safety conscious can make you feel safer than burying your head in the sand.

When I moved into my new home I upgraded the security features and felt much better for it. After 9 months here I haven't even used some of the extra locks and forget to recharge my Ring doorbell but I'm glad they're there.

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