To worry about my children starving to death in an emergency?

[Mnk711]

I have long been worried about what will happen to my toddler and baby if something happened to me at home e.g. a fall, a stroke etc. My DP works away a lot for long periods so we are often home alone, have no close neighbours, and no routines etc that anyone would notice us missing from. There's a good chance if I were to be incapacitated no one would come and help my children. The recent case in the news about a two year old starving to death has brought all my fears up again. AIBU to worry about this? Does anyone have any good suggestions of how to deal with this risk e.g. apps, technology, arrangements with others...?

Apple Watches are really good. If your husband is away but able to be online I would also consider the find my phone app. My husband is a good man and not a coercive arsehole and sometimes my job can be a bit hairy so I am happy for him to to have a look and see that I’m on my way home safely. Likewise when he is out I can see that he is safe.

I have similar anxiety, so I taught my son from around 2.5/3 how to use my phone to make an emergency call. We still practice every few weeks now that he’s 6. He’s known our address and my mobile number since he was 2.

@Seasmoke7 - not for service families. My nephew works on a submarine and can be non communicative for months.

It's totally standard to teach your kids to make emergency calls from about 3 years of age or even before. Really, that's enough. You don't need all these elaborate plans just because the menfolk are out of the house/ on deployment/ you're a SAHM who usually stays in.

Call people. Text people. Maintain regular social contacts. Teach kids when to call 999. Job Done.

Actually, although this is a worse case scenario, a young child starving to death has happened before, in similar circumstances, so I DO think it a good idea to think about what you can do. For example, if you have family (even far away), that you remain in regular contact by a short phone call, whatsapp, or even email regularly.
The OP says she has no close neighbours, but I am not sure if the OP means 'close' in terms of living mear by, or 'close' in terms of friendly.
Otherwise, it is a good idea to be on good terms with neighbours, who may notice a child crying continuously, with no sign of a parent near by. It does not mean you have to have them in for coffee everyday.
Youtube is full of examples of very young children who have called emergency svcs to get help. In the cases I have heard, it would seem the operator is trained to get as much info as they can out of the child. Certainy a good idea to teach a child their address, etc and who to call in an emergency.

When my DC were little I also worried about this. DH worked away and our family was a 2hr drive away. I kept bread, snacks, hot cross buns and bottles of water in a low cupboard so they could reach.
One time I got really ill and couldn’t get off the sofa. I had to wait for my mum to drive to us to help. The kids helped themselves to the food in the low cupboard.

I know that this kind of thing happening and in the media does make you think maybe the same thing could happen to a lot of people in the same situation, ie, alone at home with a baby or toddler and no regular contact with others. But the very tragic incident this week would be really very very rare. There aren’t many people who could disappear with a toddler for two weeks with no one trying to communicate with them. It’s all about ‘what if’.

I know this case is on people's minds, but I unfortunately know of a similar one. Husband and wife were working in different cities, the only reason he twigged was because they had laptops with webcams open pretty much all the time, and he noticed the absence of his wife and the toddler wandering round looking lost.

I happily got through the childhoods of my kids without it dawning on me it might be a problem, even though my husband travelled a lot, but now, with all the technology available, why wouldn't you set up an emergency protocol?

As an aside, I had a colleague in a different section at my work, who didn't show up one day, and his colleagues were on it and actively investigating within a few hours (it didn't end well). I was very supportive but couldn't help noticing that if I didn't show up for work it would have taken days for anyone to figure out there was a problem! #signsyouaresuperfluous

I'm a single mum with a medical condition and a 5 year old son. It's very unlikely I'll have a problem but I feel much more confident being prepared!

My doors are very stiff and the windows don't open much - it's great home security but I don't know that my son could escape! I bought a landline phone and we call it my son's phone. I programmed his dad, my parents and my ex in-laws into the speed dial and have encouraged my son to use it a lot so he is comfortable with it. He also knows about 999. I don't know your DCs ages but a landline phone could be worth thinking about. It means he won't need to find or unlock my phone and speed dial can be quite easy and fun for kids. Phone calls are included in my line rental unless they go to over 100 minutes or something. I have been teaching my son his address and my name in case he needs them for 999.

He has access to a shelf of snacks, the fridge and fruit at all times, but again I know this is harder for younger children. When I worked in a nursery, Ofsted loved to see 2 year olds serving their own dinners and getting confident with food - it is a good thing to aim for a bit of self-service even from a young age.

I have a key safe outside the home and a couple of people know the code.

I have routines that people would expect me to be at but if I didn't, I would set up a weekly text check in with a friend. Be honest and say it makes you feel safe, people like to feel needed and it might help you both a lot.

And get to know your neighbours! Introduce yourself, bring them cookies, have them in for a cup of tea, it could help you feel a lot more comfortable.

Honestly, making some small adjustments has helped me feel a lot more confident and in control. I would recommend it.

Brilliant idea!

Shared with prople I know.

Thank you x

perhaps something like what OKEachDay offers?

I get it. I used to work away, stayed in an apartment, and would work very long hours and sometimes not check in daily. It occurred to me that if I were to fall in the shower, or die in the night, it would be 24/48 hours before anyone raised the alarm. It is a worry, but it is good you are focusing on how to improve your situation, well done.

@TeaGinandFags Who in their right mind is tapping the email link several times a day to notify the ether they are still alive? This is crazy-making stuff, and unsustainable.

Just have normal social contacts. There's no need for this predatory corporate poaching on people's ultra-rare tragedies.

The fact that several posters have mentioned this very specific tech on a single thread makes me a bit... suspicious. Vultures. Everywhere.

I think maybe you need to talk to one of your friendliest neighbours about this and perhaps ask them to keep an eye out - ie. if they don't see you coming or going for a couple of days/lights not being switched on or off in the house etc, could they pop round to see if everything is ok. Just say the Bronson Battersby case has really made you think about this.
The three year old can learn to dial 999.

I have an arrangement with a neighbour about my cats. I asked her to please keep an eye out and if she hasn't seen me out for a couple of days to call round.
Cats not the same as a child obviously, but I do worry about dying suddenly (my father had a sudden heart attack and died in my sleep) and not being found for several days. Also I do a lot of solo hiking which isn't without risk.

I also have a piece of paper folded up in my purse saying that I have cats at home and please can the neighbour be contacted if something should happen to me while I am out and about and either die or end up incapacitated in a hospital. The neighbour has a plan for the cats should the worst happen.

I've gone on about the cats and I probably sound a bit crazy but it is important to me that they don't suffer if anything were to happen to me.

Chat to neighbours and put a plan in place so that you can stop worrying about this because worrying is not healthy.

This was my biggest fear living alone with a pre verbal child whilst waiting for a heart transplant. I had a plan tho. I always always took the key out of the door once I locked it at night so someone with a key could let themselves in. I arranged with a few family members that if they didnt see me log into messsenger by say, 11am, they would call (I didn’t have to send them a message, just open the app). I asked nursery to call my emergency contact if I didn’t bring my child to nursery and didn’t call to say they wouldn’t be in. And taught my child how to dial my mums number on the landline, even if he couldn’t speak to her.

I have worried about this. 6 months is young but your 3 year old could be shown some basic things like using the phone in an emergency. I always keep easy access food in low cupboards and leave 2 full water bottles out for my nearly 7 year old just in case.

OP do you have an Alexa? I believe if this is connected to a phone on the alexa app you can call an ‘emergency contact’ through there. My 3 year old regularly asks alexa to play music she likes so this may be easier to teach than using the phone. You could set up an emergency contact e.g. family member and teach 3 yo to say “alexa call for help” and it should send a message to the contact.

I thought about this when mine were little so cereal was always accessible. Although, if they're very little that's still not ideal! A good support network of people who regularly check in and will notice your absence quickly is essential.

Teach the toddler 999. Mine knew how to do it by about 18 months.

My Uncle at the height of his career would regularly spend 6 months on a sub with absolutely zero contact, my aunt said that the worst thing about it for her was knowing that he could have died on day one and she wouldnt know until 6 months later. He said the same thing about her.

She does have connections - just not necs people who’d notice if they hadn’t seen her in 3 days. This is perfectly normal

@Mnk711 - what you need is a checking in app like this https://www.snugsafe.com/

that means your contacts will be notified if you don’t check in of a morning - so your kids are never going to be stuck for more than 24 hours. Plus have a low food cupboard as PPs say, an easy to get to water supply, and a spare phone somewhere low with 999 and contacts pre-programmed and teach the 3 year old to use it.

I'm autistic with several ADHD traits, so having "normal social contacts" isn't a thing for me, nor is remembering to send a daily message unprompted.

The relative I'd be messaging is also autistic and loses track of the day of the week, so probably wouldn't notice if I didn't message for a few days.

IT workers are familiar with watchdog timers and it makes sense for them to apply that principle to monitoring people. Autistic people are overrepresented amongst IT workers so it's likely that the developers of these "predatory" tools were motivated to meet the needs of themselves and their friends and families.

This. If you're really worried make sure there are water bottles dotted around the house. Would your dh really not contact you at all in 2 weeks?

Hi OP,
It certainly seems like there is a market for a check in service to me - a bit like the service an older person can get with call buttons but with a check in each day and a plan if you remain not contactable.

I know where you are coming from. My husband has taken my eldest on holiday before and left me with my little one and I have thought if something happened to me no one might know for a couple of days leaving my little one at risk. My husband and eldest son might phone or Whatsapp but might not think anything was amiss if I didn't reply.

It could be a business opportunity for someone and a possible solution to avoiding further tragedies.

I have always thought it is strange that when you have a child in school them not turning up one morning without letting the school know is a safeguarding concern but our little ones can go months or even years without checking in with any kind of authority.

I think this is a totally reasonable worry. I have it myself about me and my cat, as I live alone, and can't teach him to call 999 if mummy didn't wake up.

Unless you have a medical condition it seems unlikely to happen tbh.

No, accidents happen all the time to all kinds of people.

I know of someone who tripped coming down the stairs and died.

I think it's good to be aware of this and take suitable precautions. (But not become paranoid). Like any other safety checks you would have at home to prevent accidents.

Try to widen your social circle too OP.

Breaks my heart what happened to that little boy.