To worry about my children starving to death in an emergency?

[Mnk711]

I have long been worried about what will happen to my toddler and baby if something happened to me at home e.g. a fall, a stroke etc. My DP works away a lot for long periods so we are often home alone, have no close neighbours, and no routines etc that anyone would notice us missing from. There's a good chance if I were to be incapacitated no one would come and help my children. The recent case in the news about a two year old starving to death has brought all my fears up again. AIBU to worry about this? Does anyone have any good suggestions of how to deal with this risk e.g. apps, technology, arrangements with others...?

@helpfulperson
I really wouldn't worry about your cats. They'd eat you before they starved to death!

OP, at 3 my DS knew how to open the front door and go for help if necessary. Unless you have some complicated locking system, a child of that age should be able to pull over a chair and open the door. The poor child in the news story was only 18mths I think so that was different.

The idea of keeping food/water in a low cupboard is a good one. But pls try not to worry. What happened is very sad, but thankfully rare.

My sister lives realitcely remote with a toddler snd baby and her husband goes away every fortnight for two nights, and she was utterly haunted by the story of the poor little boy. She is now using an app called just checking in where she has emergency contacts and something triggers a notification in the right criteria, not sure what as I haven't looked lots into it.

I have good friends, but I don’t talk to them daily. I see them weekly, but we might not talk for three days which for a small kid with no water could be too long.

The 3 year old is old enough to learn how to ring 999 in an emergency. Also teach them how to use your mobile, in case you don't have/they can't get to the landline.

If you're really worried, you could consider getting some sort of emergency alarm, similar to those suggested for some elderly people - https://www.ageuk.org.uk/products/mobility-and-independence-at-home/personal-alarms/. There's a monthly cost attached to that, so it may be a step too far.

I would just teach the 3 year old what to do in an emergency eg. call 999, drill your home address into them, make sure they know your name (not just "mummy"), is there a corner shop they could go into and say, 'mummy is hurt and needs help'? If they have trouble remembering the emergency number at first, write it on a sticker and attach in the landline handset.

She hasn’t got three children. She has two.

@mambojambodothetango the neighbours are potentially close enough to reach but probably a 5 min walk on a steep narrow road people drive fast down. Obviously that's better than starving to death but the main problem is my DC couldn't open any of the doors as they all have high latches and/or stiff keys to open them (old house). 😥

Partner also works long shifts (sometimes away) and I used to worry if I fell down the stairs when the kids were babies, I wouldn’t be found till hours and hours later.

As soon as the kids reach the age they can operate a phone, teach them to call 999 in an emergency. Dont put a passcode on your phone (I never have) and I practiced how to type 999 over and over on my mobile. They are older now so dont need to worry as much (eldest has a phone, old enough to run to neighbours house safely, can easily open the front door etc). Teach them their address very early on.

Until then, make an arrangement with family/friends to contact you (say every 48 hours) to check you are ok. Good suggestion in the comments about leaving food/water bottles on a low obvious shelf that a young child could access and show them where it is.

yeah, I suspect that is actually what I'm trying to avoid....

I just bought a phone from Amazon for £20. On the back there is a red button that will call up to 5 emergency numbers in rotation til one answers if you press it for a few seconds. Buy one of those. Always have it in your pocket. Show your 2 year old about it. I think they could manage it.

Having a community and a network is so important, everyone is so insular and 'minding my own business'. It's very sad you've small children and can go a day or days without anyone calling or missing you. Humans aren't meant to live like this. This is how you get dead bodies found weeks or months later.

Some smart watches have a fall detector that calls the emergency services in the event that you fall and don’t respond. That might be one safeguard.

😂fair point!

We're in a similar situation - no family and friends closeby and we have a 3 1/2 year old, a 2 year old and a 4 week old baby.

I have exactly the same fears as you and I had them before this tragic case as well.

Luckily my husband doesn't work in remote locations.

When he had to go abroad before, we arranged a call twice a day and would message throughout the day.

My mum, although she lives abroad, also checked on me daily on WhatsApp.

When my husband was alone with the kids before and I had to stay somewhere for a couple of days, I would also call him throughout the day and message with him.

We also have a ring door bell camera where I would check his activity.

We needed to make sure our DC could phone for an ambulance/a grandparent when they were small due to my DH health condition. We got a very basic push button landline so they could do so (not digital or anything fancy...something super easy for the kids to use. We put the grandparents numbers printed out next to the phone.

This. It really is all you have to do.

this app will be discontinued shortly, unfortunately

Cctv in your living room with 2 way voice, online accessed by mum or husband

The boy should not have been left with his dad, he was far too ill.

@Sparsely do you have a link to it please, or the name of it?

I had the same concern, since hearing the news about that poor little boy and his dad. I'm nearly divorced from dd's dad, and we share time with her 50/50. Yesterday we decided that we'll ensure we speak/msg every day, to make sure all is OK. If one of us can't get hold of the other, then we'll contact a key holder to gain access to the other person's property. He has our dd tonight, and has not long messaged me to say that they're ok and will message again tomorrow. You could do something similar.

You could get a pendant alarm, usually used by elderly people who are at risk of falling. Then teach your child to press that alarm. They are linked to a call centre who then speak through the alarm box and verbally ask what the emergency is and call for assistance or ring the emergency contacts that you have prelisted with them. This is pricey though as you pay
monthly.
Could you have an arrangement with a family member or friend that you text them twice a week and if you don’t, they ring you? If you don’t answer they pop round?

Ive considered this too as it's just me and my toddler in the house.

I call my mother every day and she calls me. She has the number of a few friends nearby so if she hasn't heard from me she can send them round.

Also I bought an apple watch which has a function on it that's designed to call the emergency services if I have a sudden jolt and then don't move. It's basically for old people who have a big fall but I thought it could be effective if something happened to me that had me croak it from standing. I have set it off a couple of times by accident but what it does is sound an alarm on your watch saying "emergency services will be called if you don't deactivate this alarm in 30 seconds" so I've never actually had the emergency services at the door on these occasions.

Also where do previous posters get off telling you to improve your lifestyle. That's like telling someone on a car seat thread to just drive more carefully 🤣

Healthy fit adults sometimes DO die and while I know I'll in all likelihood be fine I think it's considerate to my child to put a few measures in place just in case the worst should happen.

Good luck OP! I'll keep following for more tips too.

I think your anxiety over that very remote possibility needs looked at.

I would move. The isolation won’t get any better op ( my dc are teens so different problems now) with a dh away so much it’s far from ideal. I broke my arm and had to drive to hospital ( don’t ask) but no taxis, nearest neighbours away, ambulance would take too long - low priority. Rural living is fine for big families and adults around. It’s really scary as a small unit. Especially with little kids.

@maddiemookins16mum I'm not lying awake every night over it, I just recognise that it's a risk which whilst small would have an extremely serious impact. So I'm keen to prepare to keep my children safe.

I'll be honest OP, this tragic event has got to me too. My DH works nights and it's just me and DD a lot of the time. I can't bear to think of her not knowing what to do if something were to happen to me so I've ordered a cheap big button landline, it's designed for the elderly so it has three big speed dial buttons which I'll set up as her dad, me and my mum who lives close by so if anything should happen then she can get in touch with someone who has keys, I'll also be teaching her about 999. She already knows her address and everything. It's awful to think about but much better than the alternative. My heart breaks for that poor boy.