To worry about my children starving to death in an emergency?

[Mnk711]

I have long been worried about what will happen to my toddler and baby if something happened to me at home e.g. a fall, a stroke etc. My DP works away a lot for long periods so we are often home alone, have no close neighbours, and no routines etc that anyone would notice us missing from. There's a good chance if I were to be incapacitated no one would come and help my children. The recent case in the news about a two year old starving to death has brought all my fears up again. AIBU to worry about this? Does anyone have any good suggestions of how to deal with this risk e.g. apps, technology, arrangements with others...?

I’ve had a solution to this for years. I have a single friend who also lives alone. We send each other a snap chat every single morning. We’ve got an incredible snap streak going on. If I’ve not heard from her my lunch time I’ll ring her or message other friends to see if they’ve heard from her. Only time it’s happened her phone had broken she messaged over fb messenger in the end to reassure me she was ok. It’s a good system that works for us .

@Newchapterbeckons incidentally re ambulances a couple of years ago a neighbour of ours died because we live on a border and when he had a stroke and his family called 999 two different ambulance services each thought the other was responding. So no one came. It is a bit scary! But we love it here and when DP is here it's wonderful. Just a bit more scary without. But definitely worth thinking about.

It's such a sad situation and I don't understand why the police didn't force entry the first time.

I regularly have to call in welfare checks. We have to weigh up if we think there's an actual issue. Then the police do the same.

@BirthdayRainbow If you really think the police should have attended and forced the door the first time, who pays for the door when it turns out they were at the shops?

@maddiemookins16mum it's really not that remote a scenario (being in an emergency and needing a plan, not a child starving that part is less likely) if you are a single parent or regularly spend long stints as the only adult. It only takes tripping over a child's toy, slipping on the stairs etc and a bump to the head. If you have very young children an emergency plan is essential.

So sad that's money is a consideration. A baby has died.

I knew a child once whose Mother had epilepsy quite severe. From a very young age he was taught to press certain buttons on the phone if Mummy should have a fit it worked well

I live rurally op. I know it’s wonderful and idyllic. I don’t want to increase your anxiety about your location but there are multiple problems, not just getting to hospital. Your dh should switch jobs so he is at home more often or move to a village/ small town where you can feel safe and have people look out for you.

Could you look at technology to help, eg Apple Watch has fall detection?

The people on benefits who can't afford a 200 quid door probably care. Or do you think the police and SS have an endless supply of money.

Added to which breaking down a door is a very very intrusive thing. What if your neighbour called in a welfare check and you were on holiday?

Was also coming here to suggest an Apple Watch.

Well said. As single parent that used to worry me too. Kids taught fire safety and to dial 999 but it’s still scary and can’t believe people are not getting that you can have lot folk around but something could still happen to you that would take while to be noticed. It’s usually a workplace that would notice or poss a nursery/childcare but may take more than a day. If you don’t have that I think you’ve got good helpful ideas here. Ignore the snarky comments.

You can have panic alarms fitted that can bring the police immediately. We had them for safety reasons (local burglaries)

I also send my my mother a goodnight emoji each night so she knows if she hasn’t heard from me to call.

We have been snowed in for ten days, been stranded for weeks due to broken bones, I have an asthmatic child so aware of distances and know winters can be brutal. It’s hard. Schools runs take forever.

Could you get something like this (if you use a kettle every day) and an alert would go to a family member if it’s not used or the pattern use changes
https://kettlecompanion.com/product/kettle-companion-pack/#:~:text=The%20Kettle%20Companion%20–%20Near%20or%20far%2C%20wherever%20you%20are&text=Additionally%2C%20if%20there%20is%20a,Kettle%20Companion%20will%20illuminate%20red.

Hopefully your partner will find some way to check in. Can you ask family members/friends to do a check in with? Do you work, so if you're not there an alarm can be raised if you've not sent in a message to say you will be off? I can understand the worry if you live remotely, lots of things you can set up to reassure xx

Single mom and ds and I practiced from about 2 to call 911 or which neighbours to go to.

I eventually got a security system that you could press the button on it and they would automatically call. He knew which button to hit in case of an emergency.

When your oldest is 4 or 5 make sure to practice walking to neighbours and let them know to go there also if they need help. It's important to have neighbours they know and trust.

You could get a lifeline/care alarm that way you only have to teach your 2yo to press a button!

Following this thread as this has been a longtime worry of mine, and the recent tragedy has only heightened it.

I know I'm overreacting to my anxiety as DP is here should anything happen to me. But I get anxious very easily as our 4 year old has autism and is non verbal- the idea of something like this happening is terrifying to me because he's so dependent on us.

I'm grateful for the suggestions from PPs, already looking to set up the Just Checking In app and thinking about an Apple Watch for the future.

There was an awful case about 25 yrs ago or maybe more, where a young mum who lived rurally died and her two very young children died of thirst as nobody knew they were there, I seem to remember the husband was in the services and was abroad at the time. It was a horrible case and really affected me as I was a single parent at the time with a child with autism. I got my milk delivered purely because I thought the milkman (and possible neighbours) would notice if I didn’t take the milk in. My mum thought I was mad but I thought at least my child would only be on his own for a day or two before someone hopefully raised the alarm.

It’s not just money that’s the consideration though. It’s not really practical for police or anyone else to go kicking in people’s front doors the first time nobody has answered.

OP, agree with teaching 2 year old how to dial 999 in an emergency and to having access to food/water where they can reach it. If you are doing that you might as well teach some independence skills in serving themselves as well. Cups/beakers in a low cupboard and a stable step stool they can get safely on and off to reach the tap will mean they will always have access to water.

I think it's sensible to worry tbh OP. I knocked myself out while I was a single parent of DD aged 2. Luckily I came around but I constantly worry when I'm home with my current toddler alone. The new news is terrifying but a lesson to everyone to have support networks or offer to support others in their community

You aren't being unreasonable.

You need to make friends. You need to cultivate family. You need to cultivate community. Be friendly to the people serving in the corner shop, the postman, the binmen. Be known enough so that people would notice if you dropped off the planet.

Have a home that's open to visitors who turn up unannounced. Get to know your neighbours, invite them over for tea, swap numbers. Offer to feed their cats, collect their post when they go away. Say hello to the people you recognise as they pass you.

And when you're at home, be safe. Don't walk around eating (choking). Don't stand higher than the third step on ladders (falling). And so on.

Keep your phone on and charged all the time. Maybe allow someone to have one of those tracking apps on your phone, so they can see if you've been home all the time for the last few days.

I understand your concern.
I was a single parent with no support and things like this used to give me so much anxiety.

How often can DH get in contact?

Could you start sending him a daily message or something and then if when he does get signal he should have X amount of messages come through.

If you think logically, the kids will not starve overnight.
It would take a couple of days at least and by then your DP should have started to worry about contact.

Or do you have a family member who you could send a daily message to.
Explain how you’re feeling and that they don’t need to reply or just send a ‘X’ back.

You could also get some life long milk or something and have it in easy reach, just to put your mind at rest that they would be ok for an extra couple of days.

Yanbu. When DH is away one of my siblings checks on me every day . Just be text/call and I reply to say all good. If I didn’t respond then she would call the police

Keep a cupboard full of snacks and waters the eldest can reach. Make sure you have someone who will come round and knock if they haven’t received a simple text from you that day, or a neighbour who will keep an eye out. Teach 3yo to call 999.

that dad is the news was unwell and old, and the mum, well…she didn’t check in on her 2yo for 2 weeks and didn’t smash the door down when her husband didn’t answer the door. if your DP or a family member hadn’t heard from you for a a day or 2 would they raise an alarm?

When I was young, it was the postman and milkman who knew who'd died first, and it was so common for those jobs that there was an official policy on what to do. But now people don't speak to either of them, so even if you get your milk delivered, they are anonymous.