Retired parents UPSIZING house

[toastlover100]

I’m pretty sure IABU.

My parter and I are late 20s, renting, good careers but still waiting for salaries to increase much.

We are engaged and trying to save for a very small wedding, we know we could just go the registry office but that’s not what we want.

We are also trying to save a house deposit, but it’ll take a long time on current earnings. Hoping to maybe get there by mid thirties.

We would love to have children in the next couple of years but the likelihood is we will still be in our rented flat.

My parents are retired from reasonable jobs but never high earning at all. Through some luck, paying off their mortgage, house price rises, they are about to buy a house worth around a million. This is a huge upsizing.

AIBU to begrudge them this?
We are struggling to make any headway financially, spending thousands a year on rent, wanting a family but not being in the right position etc, whilst my parents are about to spend a huge amount of savings I didn’t know they had to upsize to a large family home they really don’t need.

Of course they should hand over their money to you. All the years they have worked count for nothing. I would demand access to their accounts immediately.
Or you could be an adult and work for it like the rest of us do. You sound jealous and entitled.

Depends on the house. Sometimes you need something bigger to remain at home as you get older so that you have rooms downstairs and wide enough spaces for wheelchairs etc.

On the other hand maybe they just want space for other reasons totally unconnected with you. They've earned it.

Wow. Entitled much? Yeah old people are invented to work like hell for what they have, then give it to you.

I hope your children have more respect for you than you have for your parents.

My DS bought a house in March last year, SE. With his DP. Both aged 24.

They both left home and rented in the SE at 19. And saved and saved for the deposit whilst renting. Only on average wages, £19k each or thereabouts.

No help from either me or her parents. They did it themselves.

I'm very proud of them. It can be done.

Mine did the same.
I have a complicated relationship with them at the best of times.
I fell apart, when my mum spent hours on the phone about the woe of picking a new kitchen whilst I had notice yet again on our rental, my children crying at losing their home and moving up school catchment

rationally, you know they are doing nothing wrong. It’s their money, their life, they can leave it to the cats home
however, it’s hard renting.
As a mum I couldn’t do the same to mine, if I can help mine not live this shit life, I will.

OP, you are completely unreasonable.

You don't know what your parents have been through to achieve their current situation. They have retired after working for 40-50 years.

Did they go to university? Or did they leave school at 16? Did they benefit from parental leave etc. Probably not. Have they benefitted from an inheritance- as you probably will? What was their wedding like? Times and expectations change.

I'm with you OP. Times are harder for young people than for the older generation. I can't imagine upsizing to a lavish house instead of helping my children.

Is it money that they have made themselves or inheritance? I kind of see where you are coming from. Especially where it is inheritance I think it is good that multiple generations benefit from it.

You are being very unreasonable and entitled. Your parents have worked hard their entire lives to provide for you and to get themselves into a position where they’re able to give themselves a more than comfortable retirement. Good for them, and this is exactly why I work hard full time in a well paid job with a 33% final salary pension; I want a high quality requirement.

Im sure they have given you the best start in life that they could, and now it’s on you to do what they did: work hard, save and make good financial decisions.

Yanbu - I'm worried about my children getting on the property ladder but don't have enough to help them. But I hope to do so with my retirement lump sum if I haven't been able to help before.
I'm sorry you're stuck like this.
I gad a bit of family help with a small inheritance so want to pass it forward to my children eventually.

I'm a similar age to you, and although it is harder for us than it was for our parents, it isn't impossible, but as i've said you have chosen to wait a long time before starting to do any of the big stuff. I bought my first flat at 22, house with my now husband at 26, baby at 28, marriage at 30. But i chose to do all that and not travel etc

This! I'm probably the age your parents are, @toastlover100, and I still aspire to bigger and better things in my life and if that's how I want to spend my money, so be it.

That said, I would want to help my DD out if I could with a deposit and also financially contribute to my DD's wedding in some way. Are they really tying up every penny they have in the new house? That would worry me – what income are they going to maintain it on?

As a parent of long grown up dcs, who we have helped with house purchases, I don’t think you are BU, OP. Every parent of a similar vintage who I know, is all too aware of how much harder it is now for younger people to buy a home than it was for us, and would want to help if they can.

I wonder what their side of the story is? Presumably they paid to put you through university? They have never helped you out at all? Really? I hear this sort of thing all the time from people who have been helped out enormously but they want it ALL now. What do you spend your money on? Do you save any money at all? Maybe they don’t help you because they see you wasting money or think you are doing well? It’s not a black and white situation and it’s hard to really judge without hearing the full story.

You sound awful OP but it is the new fashion. Blaming on people from previous generations. This is your own family, your parents. I can’t imagine how jealous you get of successful friends. Also, you are very shortsighted as that is your inheritance.

I find it strange to watch your children stay paying someone elses mortgage when you have the opportunity to help them. We will absolutely be helping ours out with this, hoping we are still in a position to do so.

Of course they don't have to, but its wierd to me and the people i know.

We had help onto the ladder & will do the same for my dc. I think it’s selfish of them but their choice.

To counter some of the how dare you expect an inheritance type responses, plenty of parents (myself included) make plans and choices to ensure they will be leaving a certain amount behind, in addition to helping whilst they're alive.

They have sacrificed alot to bring you up, whether its sacrificing career opportunities, things they would have wanted to spend money on etc.

They have already spent alot of money raising you. Now you want even more, how greedy can you get. Should they subsidise your life until they are dead? Continue to sacrifice their own desires so you can have yours?

You want a wedding, why not save money go grt married cheaply or have a smm wedding so you can have money towards a deposit or to raise kids.

Or how about you defer some thing? Have children later, a wedding later etc.

And what if later on your parents need help? Caring help and you cant help them? Where will the money come from to pay for it? Would you sell the house they gave you money for and give it bsck to them? No you wouldn't.

Yes you’re being unreasonable. What they choose to do with their own money is their business and not yours.

It's perfectly fine to have children whilst in rented. Don't use that as a reason to delay if you're both ready now! There's literally no perfect time to have a baby.

I get why you're taken aback about the upsizing. Maybe they're planning to give you a few thousand when they sell? Maybe they have no idea you need it?

You could flip it and be grateful that your parents will be in a position to put you up when you visit (including with children), host family Christmases, etc.

YANBU in your feelings. We feel as we feel and it's never wrong. And the juxtaposition must be grating, I'd probably feel seemilar in your position, unreasonable or not. But ultimately, it's their choice.

@Hubblebubble its a weird narrative on these type of threads that’s it’s wrong to want some help but then on any thread about finances posters will all say they are saving to help their dc in the future. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I feel like you think they owe you some of their money, but also feel bad for thinking that way, and hope that people can maybe relate?

It's not wrong to hope they might help, but not so great to expect it, imho.