Retired parents UPSIZING house

[toastlover100]

I’m pretty sure IABU.

My parter and I are late 20s, renting, good careers but still waiting for salaries to increase much.

We are engaged and trying to save for a very small wedding, we know we could just go the registry office but that’s not what we want.

We are also trying to save a house deposit, but it’ll take a long time on current earnings. Hoping to maybe get there by mid thirties.

We would love to have children in the next couple of years but the likelihood is we will still be in our rented flat.

My parents are retired from reasonable jobs but never high earning at all. Through some luck, paying off their mortgage, house price rises, they are about to buy a house worth around a million. This is a huge upsizing.

AIBU to begrudge them this?
We are struggling to make any headway financially, spending thousands a year on rent, wanting a family but not being in the right position etc, whilst my parents are about to spend a huge amount of savings I didn’t know they had to upsize to a large family home they really don’t need.

Thatcher, in fact. So that you could pay it out again now, on care.

That our generation mostly voted for and continues to vote for.

If the boomers were such a powerful generation that were able to look after their own interests, why haven't the following generations followed their example instead of just moaning and blaming?

And?

You’re right about the disparity, I don’t blame you for being disappointed in your parents at all. Everyone understands that it’s their money to spend as they wish and you have no rights to it but I think most people would feel hurt that their parents are dropping £1m on a house before offering any kind of support to help their children get on the property ladder with things the way they are these days.

I can’t imagine being in their position and not wanting to make sure my kids are ok first. There’s a balance to be struck between not spoiling your children (letting them make their own way) and giving them a helping hand, when buying a first property is so difficult unless you’re a high earner.

I don't think YABU to feel disappointed in your parents' choice, OP. And I think some posters are forgetting that you're voicing those difficult feelings here, anonymously, rather than voicing your resentment or trying to relieve your parents of their cash in real life.

Yes, they worked for it; yes, it's theirs; yes, they should be free to live their own lives and make their own choices. Yes, you are entitled to feel aggrieved that they don't want to help you. Yes, you and your generation have things considerably more difficult with regards to property than the older generation did (and yes, I know, that they had manky second-hand sofas and caravan holidays and 15% interest for a few months in the early 90s).

This generational inequality regarding property always ends up with a bit of a race to the bottom. I wish more of the boomer generation would feel able to acknowledge that buying houses is far more difficult today than it was when they were doing it. I assume that some don't because they feel the vitriol of younger people about it and think it's not their personal fault that houses were cheaper. But all the stuff some people say about how entitled young people are and how they're just afraid of hard graft etc seems really unfair to me.

I'm late 40s, had some parental help with our deposit back in the 2000s, but also saved really hard ourselves for a couple of years (to the extent that the bank flagged up me buying a book and a t-shirt on the same day as unusual activity!). We couldn't have done it without the parental help, or our own efforts, but buying that flat in our late 20s has set us up financially in a way that nothing else could have done. We will definitely want to help our own kids with that in the same way when the time comes.

The absolute complete lack if insight or willingness of the boomers to see or accept how hard it is for this generation is utterly disappointing. They remain completely self absorbed.
Late gen Xer

Inter-generational ill will is particularly unpleasant @BurnoutGP . Do you include your own parents? Or are you of the opinion that all the rest of us should be culled upon reaching pension age? Your generation is set to inherit well from them.

Last time I read anything about it, the bank of mum and dad was among the biggest lenders.

As a generation we have sold off all the council houses (along with everything else publicly owned) , didn't let more be built. Opposed new building of houses at every opportunity. Rubbed are hands in glee at house price increases instead of trying to address the problems this would create for younger people. Turned housing into a financial asset and created the massive buy to let market. Bedroom tax.
That's just some of the problems we've created in housing

No "we" didn't. Stop the lazy generalising.

No inheritance for me personally. My boomer parents were especially selfish and frivolous. I can see how much harder it will be for my children and intend to help as much as I can.

Well, I'm sorry your parents were wastrels. However, as a boomer who has been fortunate (and successfully taken risks with my livelihood while working hard), our DC will inherit unless it goes on care homes and we shall help before that with a decent contribution to their first property.

That’s a bit unfair. I’m a boomer as are all of my friends and we have without exception all helped out adult children get onto the housing ladder.
I understand that the bank of mum and dad is the country’s sixth biggest source of money for house buying so it looks like we are not the only ones.

It is far outdone by your ignorant generalisation of an entire generation!!

Have a read of some social and economic history - educate yourself a little bit.

Every generation has its challenges. It's just the way it is.

And toddle off with your ridiculous narrow-minded prejudice.

I mean since when did we start expecting other people to pay for things for us as adults????
Late gen X er

I don’t think people expect it but it’s not unreasonable to feel miffed if your parents buy a house for A MILLION without sending a mere (in comparison) £10k or even £5k in the direction of their kids yet to be able to get on the property ladder. (Also late gen X)

Yes agree. But some of the posters seem to feel it's poor form if the ' boomers' aren't offering to lay down their possessions at their feet as a matter of course. What happened to planning for retirement when you no longer earning?? Will they be helping out their parents financially then or are they just incredibly entitled and not taking responsibility

Would they, say at age 70 of their parents start paying for their food/ rent / carers/ if so fair enough perhaps

I wouldn't have felt comfortable taking my parents money when they were getting old - who is to say they wouldn't need it for their last decade or so ? In any case I wouldn't have taken it when I was fit and healthy abd had my own earning capacity.
Maybe these days if things have changed, on a close family then the younger generation feel responsible to pay for their parents once they have less money / poorer standard of living and the younger ones are still earning.
I wouldn't like my children to feel responsible for me so it's important to plan for retired, but hope that before I give up work I can help with deposits for houses. I've already encouraged them to get the lifetime ISAs so we can top that up at the end of each tax year / debit into it for them

@Mnetcurious I don’t think people expect it but it’s not unreasonable to feel miffed if your parents buy a house for A MILLION without sending a mere (in comparison) £10k or even £5k in the direction of their kids yet to be able to get on the property ladder. (Also late gen X)

I disagree, I think going by a lot of the replies on this thread there are a lot of people who do expect it, and feel it is their right to be given money by parents.

Absolutely agree. But have they thought about their own responsibilities properly both to provide for themselves/ their own family, and to provide for their boomer parents if they struggle in old age?

@BurnoutGP Not all boomers are an amorphous mass. We supported our children through university plus gave them money to buy property. I am however conscious of the fact that I want to have enough money not to be a burden on them if I get infirm or need care.

I realise it’s difficult for young adults but it was also difficult in a different way in the 1980’s. We could afford to buy a house but not necessarily afford to furnish it. We lived without carpets, central heating and very little furniture for a couple of years. In fact our television was a borrowed black and white portable sat on an Avon box.

I think a lot of people who are in the fortunate position of having parents who were capable of giving them a house deposit (or maybe some of these parents are just poor planners for their old age) won't be in a position to pay for much help for their parents. They will likely still have mortgages of their own, children they are supporting through university, to eat up their income - and those children coming to an age where they are looking for their own hand out to get on the property ladder. I doubt they would consider downgrading their own accommodation to release funds to help their parents either.

As soon as you start needing supports for basic things like driving to appointments, shopping, cleaning, garden work (and that's assuming no special expenses on top of the basics), it starts to get expensive. Good luck getting funding to cover all that. Likely their children will be 'too busy' to do it all (which they probably are, because all that stuff adds up to a lot of time). Then when they can't they will probably say that they 'should have planned better for their old age.'

This giving away of funds may come home to roost in the coming decades for some older people. I do hope their children are willing to sacrifice to help them in turn if they are sitting in a house bought with the funds that could have been spent to relieve them of the burden of care.

I havent rtft but Is it possible they're holding back on giving you something until you have a legally binding relationship? Eg if they gave you money to buy something but you split with your fiance and that was divided with him.

I can see why you are annoyed but it is theirs to do with as they please. In this day and age as things go it seems on the surface to be a silly move (but I don't know all the facts) unless they have won a lottery of sorts and aren't worried about increasing costs of owning, running, maintaining a larger house, not to mention their increasing age and potential struggle to negotiate its size mobility wise or even cleaning it. I hope they have considered needing funds to pay for their healthcare (hip replacements and the like, and funding of care homes) .

Is there just you or other siblings to consider? Have you had a discussion about your situation and maybe suggested an interest free loan to see where that conversation leads?

Also just to add for balance, that many 60 or so year olds may still be working, may still have children at Uni and may have elderly parents to support.
No one minds trying to provide the best start for children and to try to help in the poor housing market but cost of living interest rates and inflation are high for everyone and it saddens me on the thread when people say gen x/ boomers never had it so good and have cash to give away or they are selfish