To be upset daughter wasn’t invited to party?

[mrspixie1]

To say something or not. My 4 year old told me that one of her friends said she wasn’t allowed to invite my DD to her birthday because her mum doesn’t know her. The mum does know my daughter and has on many occasion spoken to me at the gate. Now she may well not like me but I never got that impression and now my DD is really upset and feeling left out. I am really not sure how to put it as it was the friend who mentioned it to her. They play and I have seen them get on well. So I am really baffled and feel like confronting the mum But don’t want to cause awkwardness. wwyd?

Have they sent invitations out yet? If not she may still be invited.

on the basis of what your 4 year old told you another 4 year old said

you can’t be serious??!

4 year olds talk garbage.

Even if she isn’t invited, no of course you can’t confront the mum! Jesus Christ…

Do not confront the mum.

You do nothing. Other than make light of it with your child.

I think I'd be cautious about confronting an adult about a 4 year old's recollection of a conversation where another 4 year old gave them their version of a conversation.

No, come on. This is your first / only child, right?

This is an overreaction. Sometimes kids don't get invited to parties, for many reasons including number restrictions, kids falling out, etc.

It's disappointing but it's also part of learning resilience for them.

It may well be a small family party at home, for all you know.

This!

I can be serious. Why wouldn’t I stand up for my daughter? Why should she be singled out and feel like something is wrong with her. What would you say to your 4 year old I would love to know. The party is tomorrow.

Don’t confront the mum unless you want to be the talk of the playground and exclude your daughter from all future parties and play dates because her mum is ‘that’ parent 🙄🙄

She hasn't been deprived of something owed to her. You just tell her the truth, that not every child can go to every party.

Is she being singled out though?
4 year olds say all sorts. It doesn't make it true.

That she can't be invited to every party, that's life...

School is going to be a long hard road for your daughter, if your attitude doesn't change!

What would you say to your 4 year old I would love to know

What I would say is, ‘oh that’s a shame sweetie, but we can’t all be invited to every party unfortunately so why don’t we go to the beach tomorrow instead?’

it’s really not that difficult..

It's too soon to get worked up. You don't know when the party is, who's invited or even if there is a party at this point.
It could be that it's just a family party with cousins etc and this has got mixed up to the 4 year old. Far too soon to even contemplate speaking to the mum.

Honestly don’t confront the mum.

Do you know that it’s a whole class party or anything? As a pp said, it could just be a family party at home.

This is a good opportunity to teach your child that not everyone can be invited to everything - build up a thick skin around it and life will be easier!

Its not as she said her friends had been invited and my daughter is quite good at not making things up. She wouldn’t lie or fabricate this. I just don't want her singled out. It upsets me and her friend said she was not allowed to invite my daughter - what kind of issue could you have with a child I don’t know. I invite whoever my daughter says and would never say no you can’t invite ‘so and so’ if she plays with them at school.

Unless it's an all class party & your child is the only one that hasn't been invited your child hasn't been singled out.
Not every child will be invited to every party.

Go on them OP

have it out with her on the basis of your 4 year old saying what another 4 year old said about her mummy.

Go on. and report back!!

Your child’s schooling is going to be a very tough experience if you get offended every time she’s not invited to a party or play date.

You child doesn’t have a right to be invited unfortunately, so why on earth you’d even consider confronting the parent is beyond me.

"Maybe we can invite her for a playdate later? We don't get to go to everything unfortunately. Come on, let's do something fun"

OP, I think you're going to have to work on your own resilience and stop yourself from inflicting this on your DD.

4 year olds have zero reliability! Even trying to make a party with my 5 year old was a nightmare. She kept changing the people she wanted to invite, and was "not friends" with one girl one day and suddenly "best friends" the next day.

I'm well aware of all the girls in her class and know the parents from speaking and Whatsapp. But I genuinely have no idea which girls she plays with most. If I ask her directly who to invite she simply says "yes" and that would be the entire class which we don't have space for. So I've been asking who she plays with most and been doing this every day for weeks to get an idea of the closest girls. It's still chaotic though and I've sure we've missed out one or two girls who should be invited but I can't get a normal answer out of DD.

This.

This is a non issue.

Not every child has to be invited to every party.

You are being absolutely ridiculous.

"Confronting" is way OTT.

When dc weren't invited to parties we just said something like "oh that's a shame, but you know from when we had your party that we cant invite everyone. Shall we do x, y,z tomorrow instead?"