To be upset daughter wasn’t invited to party?

[mrspixie1]

To say something or not. My 4 year old told me that one of her friends said she wasn’t allowed to invite my DD to her birthday because her mum doesn’t know her. The mum does know my daughter and has on many occasion spoken to me at the gate. Now she may well not like me but I never got that impression and now my DD is really upset and feeling left out. I am really not sure how to put it as it was the friend who mentioned it to her. They play and I have seen them get on well. So I am really baffled and feel like confronting the mum But don’t want to cause awkwardness. wwyd?

Most people are reasonable so I would assume there is a reasonable explanation. Possibly the party girl felt awkward and made up a lie about why she wasn't invited because she didn't know or forgot.

Might be the children in the same group are invited. Or that mum said pick 10 friends and your daughter wasn't in her thoughts that day. Or it is a family party with 2 friends from nursery. Or the invite got misplaced.

If it transpires while nursery invited apart from your dd then have a conversation if you want. I would just forget them and hope my dd finds better friends.

Seriously, 4-year-olds are not that sophisticated. Or maybe this little girl is, and is trying to soften the blow of there not being enough space etc. by making out that she wanted to invite your daughter. Just, by all that’s holy, do not, repeat NOT make a big deal of it.

She’s 4. Maybe the mum has just invited children of people she is friends with? I’ve certainly done that before. Your post doesn’t read like you are friends with this woman.

It's possible the Mum said you can't invite everyone ? Anyway, 4 year olds are not reliable informants! I really would advise against saying anything. I have twins and often one was invited and the other not and vice versa.They have to learn to deal with it and so do you Im afraid.

@Mumof2NDers exactly!!

Based on some random thought that entered his head that minute...

Oh god OP, you're going to have to toughen up a bit love ...

I second this

You dont need to 'stand up' for her cos nothing bad has happened. She isnt being bullied or attacked. If you get this worked up over a minor minor thing like this you will find parenthood tough!

This only becomes an issue for your daughter if YOU make it an issue. So don’t.

You aren’t protecting her by making a fuss, you’re making her a problem child.

You can't insist that your daughter is invited to a party that she isn't invited to. You also only have a four year old's second hand explanation as to why she wasn't invited. Four year olds are not known for being reliable witnesses and this is hearsay.

They might be doing an activity where the number participating is limited, and they are only inviting the girl's cousins and best friends or the ones where the mum is really friendly with the parents. The mum might have said your DD is nice but we know the other girls better, and is being slightly misquoted.

I admit that at my DC's schools most kids were invited at that age, but it wasn't universal and by the age of six party invitations were getting increasingly selective.

But yanbu to be upset or disappointed for her

My 4yo started school in September too and doesn't even have a "friend group" yet! You can't confront another parent over this! This is what will happen throughout school and you both need to learn that it's okay.
The only way I'd be upset about this if it was a whole class party and my child was the one and only that wasn't invited. Even then I still wouldn't confront the other parent!
Shes 4, you can't make a big deal of this in front of her, she'll have forgotten by next week.

Fair enough, but that's you. You dot know the reasons behind why the other parent has told her dd that. Maybe she can't afford to invite more children, so she has said to her daughter I don't know her mum, to make up an excuse. Who knows.🤷‍♀️ But you can't go around asking why she wasn't invited without coming across a bit silly. When my dc didn't get invited to parties, it was oh never mind. You're the adult. You need to make it not a big deal.

I would and have told my 5 year old that sometimes we get invited to parties and sometimes we dont. You can't be invited to everything.

The party child / parent can invite who they want to their event. I'm sorry your child feels hurt but they aren't entitled to an invite.

If you confronted me I'd tell you to foff. My event, my money and my choice.id also give you and your kid a wide berth moving forward.

Is it a full class party with only your daughter left out or are others not going?

Are you for real. If she's not invited. There's nothing you can do about it. You can make the kids mum invites her.

Wait for the invitation but honestly 4 year old aren't totally truthful and it might be limit on numbers. Please as a mum of a 7 year old it's not worth worrying about. Let this go. Your child will forget about it.

When my DS was five he came home sobbing from a holiday club being held at his school, because a number of his friends' parents had turned up to collect their kids and travel in convoy to one of he schoolmate's birthday party, while he was brought home. He was the "only one not going".

I panicked I had missed something on the group WhatsApp and was desperately texting the mum to say I could drop him off at the party, until she eventually replied really embarrassed that she only invited six friends not including my son and was so sorry. He wasn't the only one that wasn't invited at all, it had just been a ridiculous idea to travel together from the holiday club advertising the party to everyone who wasn't invited.

Me and all the other parents of kids that hadn't been invited had a good bitch about it and moved on, but I never assumed we should have been invited to any party again.

It may be OP that the other pate t doesn't like your child and is trying to dissuade the friendship, so has kindly said she won't afk them as she doesn't know them, rather than I don't like her?

Be very careful, you may not like the actual truth.

In the nicest way possible, 4 year olds can chat utter shite

At that age I only invited cousins and my old friend’s children. That way my daughter had a fun time and so did I.

I mean that’s one way to make sure your daughter is never invited to anything again.

Who would want to invite the daughter of the parent who confronts people because their child didn’t get an invite to a party. Unless it was a whole class bar your daughter party.

There’s going to be loads of parties she doesn’t get invited to time for you both to toughen up.

also 4 year olds are not known for not telling stories. My 7 year old still comes out with some corkers a boy in her class claims. He was inviting the whole year group to a water theme park this Saturday…. His not and his grandad doesn’t own it funnily enough 😂 nor does his aunty own a farm 🤷🏻‍♀️

I think you've posted on the wrong thread!

My son when he was 4 told me that it was Jacks birthday on Saturday and I was all hurt that he wasn't invited and gave his mum a bit of a swerve in the playground for a while. About 5 months later and he came home with an invitation in his school bag for Jacks party he had been completely mistaken! Maybe Jack was wishful thinking or my son got the wrong end of the stick or maybe he just made it up entirely lol.

Protect her from what?
Is she being bullied, groomed or threatened?