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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report the engineer that came to my house?

435 replies

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 13:34

I am a 31 year old woman, and today a guy came round to my house to fit a new energy meter. I am a very friendly person who likes to be polite so I greeted him and let him in, asked if he would like a drink etc. I was planning on just going upstairs and telling him to shout if he needs me, but he was really chatty so I just stayed in the room and carried on the conversation with him. He was just asking me normal things at first like how long I have lived here, if I have kids etc. I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate.

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse. He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him. So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though. He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?” So I said no. I just wanted him out of my house and I was very scared. He said some more things which I won’t mention and eventually I left the room making an excuse that I needed to go and make sure my cat was ok upstairs and I stayed up there until he shouted me. As he was leaving he asked me “would you swipe left or right?” I said “what??” He said “on tinder. For me” I said I don’t know sorry and shut the door in his face. I locked all of the doors and it’s been 30 minutes and he’s still sat outside.

I want to report him but what if he knows it’s me? Am I being reasonable to be scared or am I overreacting? I’m shocked and disgusted and just so upset and wondering if it was something I did or said to make him say all of that. I didn’t bring any of it up I was just trying to be nice. I know people will probably think I brought it on myself or egged it on by staying there but I just wasn’t sure what to do for the best so I was just trying to be polite and go along with him. But for future I really will just be letting people in and going straight upstairs and not engaging in conversation

OP posts:
acatcalledjohn · 19/01/2024 13:43

Totally report it, that is incredibly inappropriate. He sounds like a predator.

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/01/2024 13:46

What do you want to report him for - as your post was very long.

BatchIt · 19/01/2024 13:48

Absolutely report it. I hope you’re ok.

JoyeuxNarwhal · 19/01/2024 13:50

Definitely report!

Chattycatt · 19/01/2024 13:50

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 13:34

I am a 31 year old woman, and today a guy came round to my house to fit a new energy meter. I am a very friendly person who likes to be polite so I greeted him and let him in, asked if he would like a drink etc. I was planning on just going upstairs and telling him to shout if he needs me, but he was really chatty so I just stayed in the room and carried on the conversation with him. He was just asking me normal things at first like how long I have lived here, if I have kids etc. I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate.

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse. He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him. So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though. He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?” So I said no. I just wanted him out of my house and I was very scared. He said some more things which I won’t mention and eventually I left the room making an excuse that I needed to go and make sure my cat was ok upstairs and I stayed up there until he shouted me. As he was leaving he asked me “would you swipe left or right?” I said “what??” He said “on tinder. For me” I said I don’t know sorry and shut the door in his face. I locked all of the doors and it’s been 30 minutes and he’s still sat outside.

I want to report him but what if he knows it’s me? Am I being reasonable to be scared or am I overreacting? I’m shocked and disgusted and just so upset and wondering if it was something I did or said to make him say all of that. I didn’t bring any of it up I was just trying to be nice. I know people will probably think I brought it on myself or egged it on by staying there but I just wasn’t sure what to do for the best so I was just trying to be polite and go along with him. But for future I really will just be letting people in and going straight upstairs and not engaging in conversation

Urgh why are some men so gross I’ll never know.

sorry you’ve had to endure this, it is totally unacceptable!!

whenever I have a male person in the house to do things I always say my husband is upstairs or my husband is finishing work in an hour - I’ve made up all sorts of lies in the past because I’ve had awkward experiences - not as bad as what you’re describing though

I would totally report the pig but are you worried about any repercussions? You could say my husband or brother was upstairs listening (whatever room makes sense) so he knows you don’t live alone, if you do live alone

Was he from a big company or an independent?

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 13:54

Chattycatt · 19/01/2024 13:50

Urgh why are some men so gross I’ll never know.

sorry you’ve had to endure this, it is totally unacceptable!!

whenever I have a male person in the house to do things I always say my husband is upstairs or my husband is finishing work in an hour - I’ve made up all sorts of lies in the past because I’ve had awkward experiences - not as bad as what you’re describing though

I would totally report the pig but are you worried about any repercussions? You could say my husband or brother was upstairs listening (whatever room makes sense) so he knows you don’t live alone, if you do live alone

Was he from a big company or an independent?

He was from a big company. But yes im worried that he will know it’s me

OP posts:
Linsco · 19/01/2024 13:54

Please report him, he was completely inappropriate.

apostrophewoman · 19/01/2024 13:55

Absolutely report him, that's outrageous behaviour and not least because it's made you frightened in your own home. Nobody has the right to do that to you. I had the same thing with the carpet man who came to measure up, he had a cup of tea and I sat with him while he was doing the estimate and had a chat. I started getting totally inappropriate texts from him about me being a MILF, etc. Unfortunately it was his company, so I couldn't report him, but I did look him up on Facebook and suggest his girlfriend wouldn't be very happy if she knew he behaved like that. It did stop him, but it never ceases to amaze me that men think that behaviour is acceptable.

As a PP said, he's a predator, and to admit what he did to the other woman to you is unbelievable!! Report him!!

Chattycatt · 19/01/2024 13:56

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 13:54

He was from a big company. But yes im worried that he will know it’s me

Goodness me - defo report him

EauNeu · 19/01/2024 13:57

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/01/2024 13:46

What do you want to report him for - as your post was very long.

It wasn't that long and it's very clear.

Christmaslights21 · 19/01/2024 13:57

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon what does she want to report him for? Are you taking the piss?!!
OP definitely report him! Vile horrible man.

HollaHolla · 19/01/2024 13:57

I suspect you're not the only woman he's spoken to like this. So, there could be others in a position to report him.
Please do report him, though. That's vile, and he really shouldn't be allowed to go into people's homes, if that is his behaviour.

MyLordWizardKing · 19/01/2024 13:57

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/01/2024 13:46

What do you want to report him for - as your post was very long.

🙄 It's not the OP's fault you can't be bothered to read a (not that long) post.

OP, sorry this happened to you. It's absolutely not your fault - being friendly to someone is not an excuse for them to bombard you with unwanted sexual details.

fedupandstuck · 19/01/2024 13:58

You did nothing to make him sexually harass you and behave inappropriately. Nothing at all. He should be professional and act like you're a valued customer, not an audience for his vile thoughts and a target for sexual harassment. If you are worried about him being outside, please call the police.

If you feel able to, do report it to the company concerned. You may be able to report it online, if you'd prefer that than speaking to someone at a call centre.

Papillon23 · 19/01/2024 13:58

If he's still sitting outside your house I would probably be telling him to leave from an upstairs window and calling the police if not.

Definitely report to the company.

But I do see the worry about repercussions.

Gosh, it just sounds really unpleasant.

WinterExclusive · 19/01/2024 13:59

I would wait a few days before reporting though...

Noshowlomo · 19/01/2024 14:00

Has he left yet? Vile man

GintyMcGinty · 19/01/2024 14:00

100% report this please

AllEars112232 · 19/01/2024 14:02

Your did absolutely nothing wrong!
Definitely report him to the company, but also report this to the non emergency police number.
At this point he might not have committed a crime, but the police keep intelligence on these things, and can use that information if he is a suspect for something at a later date. You never know, that other woman might have reported him and your report could support that (tell the company and the police about the other woman he talked about).
He's a nasty predator and should not be allowed in people's homes.

MightyGoldBear · 19/01/2024 14:03

This is horrible. Sorry you had to go through that op. Please report him. It's disgusting that so many men think this is appropriate.

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 14:04

Thank you everyone, I am definitely going to report him. I called my mum as soon as he left and she has also told me to report him but I wanted more opinions as I am a bit scared to. He has left though now, yes

OP posts:
Pocketfullofdogtreats · 19/01/2024 14:06

It is NOT your fault. He was inappropriate. Don't let it stop you being friendly and chatty with strangers. It's a shame he pushed it like that. But you'll be more on your guard in future and maybe more aware of nipping it in the bud. But once, I'd have been exactly like you were. Nowadays I'd be slightly less concerned about offending someone when they became inappropriate.

MaggieNextDoor · 19/01/2024 14:07

Report him and do it now, for the sake of other women he may be scheduled to visit. He obviously sees himself as some kind of lothario and uses his job as a dating pool. Disgusting, unprofessional, threatening and sleazy. Contact head office and do it now. Tell them that he's still sitting outside your house if he hasn't left yet.

Catza · 19/01/2024 14:07

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 13:54

He was from a big company. But yes im worried that he will know it’s me

Yes he will but so what? He needs to know it was you, he needs to know you stood up for yourself and if he is causing any trouble, you report him once again but this time to the police.

gonetogreece · 19/01/2024 14:08

100% report him, creepy weirdo.