To report the engineer that came to my house?

[Thejewellershands]

I am a 31 year old woman, and today a guy came round to my house to fit a new energy meter. I am a very friendly person who likes to be polite so I greeted him and let him in, asked if he would like a drink etc. I was planning on just going upstairs and telling him to shout if he needs me, but he was really chatty so I just stayed in the room and carried on the conversation with him. He was just asking me normal things at first like how long I have lived here, if I have kids etc. I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate.

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse. He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him. So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though. He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?” So I said no. I just wanted him out of my house and I was very scared. He said some more things which I won’t mention and eventually I left the room making an excuse that I needed to go and make sure my cat was ok upstairs and I stayed up there until he shouted me. As he was leaving he asked me “would you swipe left or right?” I said “what??” He said “on tinder. For me” I said I don’t know sorry and shut the door in his face. I locked all of the doors and it’s been 30 minutes and he’s still sat outside.

I want to report him but what if he knows it’s me? Am I being reasonable to be scared or am I overreacting? I’m shocked and disgusted and just so upset and wondering if it was something I did or said to make him say all of that. I didn’t bring any of it up I was just trying to be nice. I know people will probably think I brought it on myself or egged it on by staying there but I just wasn’t sure what to do for the best so I was just trying to be polite and go along with him. But for future I really will just be letting people in and going straight upstairs and not engaging in conversation

This happened to me, smart meter installer - I was just trying to be friendly and polite. I was so scared and disappointed when the friendly chat turned inappropriate. Also I am quite old and unattractive so didn't expect it. Later I just felt really angry at the lack of respect I had been given in my own home. I didn't report it but will always be very wary of tradespeople now and will not engage with them.

He’s scum. Report him and I really hope you are ok. I would be very rattled by that! 💐

Report him. To be honest, you could cut and paste that post verbatim to a manager/CEO of the company... no need to really add more.

That's highly inappropriate.

I regret not doing it with a colleague of mine. In a consulting role. He would flirt with clients and then look up their FB profiles at the time after asking for their name and then try his luck. Married with kids.

Don't let this sort of behaviour go unnoticed.

How gross, and in your own house too - that makes it even more disgusting my in eyes - that's your safe space.

I once had similar. Two guys came to fit a laminate floor in my conservatory from somewhere like Carpet world, a big shop that sub contracted the fitting job. They spent all day coming in and out of the kitchen, where I'd gone to sit out of the way, being cheeky to me. Asking me to cook food for them, pointing at photos on my wall and asking who people were (worryingly my young nieces and nephews). They even started phoning women who they were obviously seeing and giving me the phone telling me to speak to them. I suppose some people might think they were just a couple of "cheeky chappies" but I felt very uncomfortable. I phoned the carpet shop when they'd gone and complained and they sent two new fitters the next day and gave me £100 compensation. I never thought about repercussions, lots of these workmen don't live anywhere near the houses they work on. I'd complain and if he turns up again don't answer the door and phone the police.

Report him 100%. I would expect him to lose his job for this, or at the very least not be in a public facing role and would want confirmation from the company what action they will take. I think you would also be entitled to ask them to send only female engineers in future given what’s happened. It’s not on you at all OP, you should be able to engage in friendly chit chat with someone doing work in your house without having to put up with abusive language or aggressive sexual approaches. Do not minimise at all what he said or explain it away in your complaint. Be very clear. I doubt he will know it is you filing the complaint as he probably does this to lots of women. You should also mention in your complaint you want it to be kept anonymous as he was so intimidating.

So if I ask a male colleague conversationally if he has any plans for the weekend, it’s a signal that I fancy the pants off him and want to shag at the first opportunity? Why should women tippytoe around like this trying not to say the ‘wrong’ thing for fear of being jumped? It’s totally the man’s fault for being a slimy creep. There’s nothing intrinsically wrong with asking someone if they’re doing anything at the weekend. A normal response would be a straightforward reply. Unfortunately normal responses seem to be lacking in a great many men, because all they seem to hear is “I want sex with you” whenever a woman talks to them.

I’d report to employer and police on 101 ( mentioning the customer he took shopping to)
And if he thinks it’s you that’s a good thing. He’ll know you’re a woman who stands up for herself and if he turned up again you’d call 999.

I have one odd job man I found on gumtree of all places that’s actually turned out to be a gem . I’ve used him for the whole 2 years I’ve been in my flat. I’ve occasionally had an electrician sent round by the HA but they’ve been nice and very professional. When I buy my flat I’m dreading having to use tradesmen and will probably have a friend round where possible.

I won’t do the chatty, make a tea thing except for with my odd job man because I saw so many tradesmen take the piss out of my (single) mum growing up when she did this approach. I’ll have a carton of fruit juice or bottled water on hand to offer but that’s it.
Something about hot drinks breeds a sense of over-familiarity and over-chattiness. And it slows things down.

I just want them to get in, do the job and go back out again. And to be fair, I used to work as a tutor as well as family support worker and this was my mentality when going round to houses.

I wasn’t there to have them faff about making tea for me, obviously a key part of a role like that is developing trust relationships, but still I was there to engage with at risk youth and troubled families and deal with difficult issues . I had very positive results and feedback so my lack of tea drinking didn’t hinder my work.

But anyway just to be clear, OP you did nothing wrong and he was completely inappropriate and wrong when you were just trying to be polite & welcoming . Even if you hadn’t been friendly there’s still a chance a man like this would’ve overstepped. Yes, please do report him.

Grim!

He’ll do it to others so please report him. Also why were you blaming yourself there’s nothing wrong with being chatty & friendly not your fault he’s a predatory creep

Yes report him. I hope his employer takes it seriously. How awful.

I would write everything down right now while it’s fresh in your mind. Get down all the details, time, date etc and then I would wait. It would be sensible to not doing anything straight away if you are afraid of reprisals.

Equally, I assume you are going to complain alongside your name, and the company will have your details on their system. It’s going to be difficult to complain without the possibility of him knowing it was you. You could of course make an anonymous complaint, but I wonder if that would be taken as seriously 😬🤔

Jobs that enable men to go into people's homes and access women on their own are attractive to a certain type of man.

Report, OP. I'm really sorry. Write down everything that's happened, too.

It’s 2024 and there are still women on here blaming women for men being creeps. Fuck off with “never ask a man what he’s doing at the weekend “ it was all part of friendly chat it’s a man’s problem if he sees that as a sexual invite ffs.

Thank you so much for every comment. I’m really sorry to the people who have had similar experiences. I haven’t reported yet as I have been wondering whether it’s best to wait a couple of days but then again I don’t think he works weekends anyway so even if I waited until Monday he would still know it’s me. I am going to have a look now how to go about it

YANBU OP. Definitely report him. Having had a similar experience years ago I now try and schedule any workman that needs to be in my house either when my DH is going to be home from work or when my dad can come around.

You did not egg him in on in any way shape or form. You were being friendly and he totally 💯 crossed the line!!! He is a predator, pure and simple and do not let him change who you are.
as to whether to report him. I’m in 2 minds. Yes absolutely you should. Would I? I’d like to think so despite him potentially guessing I’m where it’s come from. The thing is, if he doesn’t get reported he thinks this behaviour is ok and it most certainly isn’t. He needs pulling up x

Why are you so rude?

I feel so sad for the women he has take advantage of. What disgusting behaviour. He knows exactly what he was doing. Definitely report it. When you do I would be very clear he is not to come anywhere near you. Maybe give it till Tuesday and explain you were frightened and upset.

If I ever saw him again near my house I would dial 999. (As in assuming he wasn't working on a property a street away) but if you saw his van nearby.

Immediate 999.

I would report it asap. The next woman might have an even worse time than you. Who cares if he knows it's you? It'll do him good to know that women won't stand for it.

Do you have a Ring doorbell?

My single friend has a pair of men’s shoes and a jacket that she leave’s obviously in her hall when workman come to visit. If asked she says she’s expecting her other half back very soon.

and she also tries to have someone there if she can.

personally I think I’d leave it till at least Wednesday to put a couple of days between the reporting and when he was in your home. I’d ask what he’d be told too so I’d know.

you’re completely right, I am about to write up my complaint.

no we don’t have a ring doorbell unfortunately

Please, please report this! I work in HR for a company that provides these types of services (maybe even the one he works for) and I promise you that it would be taken very seriously! It's very likely he has to attend the homes of extremely vulnerable people who may not able to get rid of them as confidently as you, so please don't let him get away with it.

It is likely he will know it's you, as hopefully he hasn't acted this way with anyone else. I know it's really scary thinking that, but please don't let it stop you. He will probably be mortified when it's raised with him, they normally are, and come up with some sorry excuse that they thought you were coming on to them - we completely see through these excuses. Sadly, I've dealt with a few similar cases over the years.