To report the engineer that came to my house?

[Thejewellershands]

I am a 31 year old woman, and today a guy came round to my house to fit a new energy meter. I am a very friendly person who likes to be polite so I greeted him and let him in, asked if he would like a drink etc. I was planning on just going upstairs and telling him to shout if he needs me, but he was really chatty so I just stayed in the room and carried on the conversation with him. He was just asking me normal things at first like how long I have lived here, if I have kids etc. I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate.

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse. He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him. So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though. He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?” So I said no. I just wanted him out of my house and I was very scared. He said some more things which I won’t mention and eventually I left the room making an excuse that I needed to go and make sure my cat was ok upstairs and I stayed up there until he shouted me. As he was leaving he asked me “would you swipe left or right?” I said “what??” He said “on tinder. For me” I said I don’t know sorry and shut the door in his face. I locked all of the doors and it’s been 30 minutes and he’s still sat outside.

I want to report him but what if he knows it’s me? Am I being reasonable to be scared or am I overreacting? I’m shocked and disgusted and just so upset and wondering if it was something I did or said to make him say all of that. I didn’t bring any of it up I was just trying to be nice. I know people will probably think I brought it on myself or egged it on by staying there but I just wasn’t sure what to do for the best so I was just trying to be polite and go along with him. But for future I really will just be letting people in and going straight upstairs and not engaging in conversation

Sorry you had this experience

All suppliers that carry out meter installations are subject to a code of conduct (COMCOP - consolidated metering code of practice) which is audited. There is a section in this on general conduct and performance at work which includes 'act in a manner .... avoiding unwelcome physical advances, suggestive remarks, language or transmit comments likely to cause distress or offence'.
I would be asking the supplier what they have done to ensure compliance with their obligations. It's also the supplier obligation regardless of whether they have outsourced it to another company to complete the work

Because he'll have done it before, and previous victims' complaints will be virtually identical in content.

Fantastic OP, well done!!

with respect to the investigation, I’m surprised (unless you gave a detailed account in your initial complaint) that they have chosen not to ask for a detailed account. Like someone mentioned, you can then determine the veracity of the whole based on the information you can authenticate.

in general terms interviews and statements occur when investigations are ongoing. For instance, they probably don’t have a record of any text messages?

perhaps they have other sources of information? Perhaps old mate hung himself out to dry. Either way, he deserves to loose his job

BTW - well done OP.

They can verify the story he told of returning to the single mother with shopping. He's probably been stupid enough to use his work phone to contact customers victims.

I think that this question is very valid. We are taught from early on to be polite and put people at their ease. This is one of those times when we have to work against all of that teaching.

Other replies have described how assertive they are. I think I would give the 'look' that has been described and say something like 'do you know how inappropriate that is???'. We have to remember that it is the other person that is in the wrong. We do not have to apologise for our behaviour.

I don't watch soaps on tv so I cannot think of a personality to 'channel' into an appropriate response. Perhaps Supernanny in the way she talks to young children and tells them 'that is unasseptable'?? Can anyone else suggest another personality who we could emulate when facing up to bullies and inappropriate behaviour??

Victims is very drastic! I'd
assume he didn't assault the single
mother he mentioned, she probably consented to him entering his house and whatever happened after. If no consent, yes we can use the term victim, but we don't know. And by the way if he was gorgeous and charming and the OP really fancied him would this whole thread be a different story? I think the guy sounds foolish and bit of a letch, but people on the thread are attacking way too vigourously. I'm
actually surprised.

You seem naive.

And you think that's ok? A workman, a representative of a nationwide company, comes into your home when you are alone and while doing whatever his job is, begins crossing boundaries- talks about how his children were conceived through an affair, his sex life with his wife, their sexual problems of the last 27 years, goes into details about her 'intimacy problems' and will not move the conversation on from sex. Tells you he has a sexual 'bucket list' that he checks off with customers on occasions- gives you an example of him returning unannounced to the house of a young single mother who lived alone unannounced and takes her shopping to get into the house where he has sex with her.

He makes sexist, racist and homophobic comments. He asks if you have any similar stories to share with him and when you say no he asks if you are a nun. When you won't engage in the conversation he asks if 'you've ever wanted to be naughty'. You tell him no and leave the room. He makes further inappropriate remarks and as he leave asks what you would do if you met him on Tinder. He then sits in his van outside your front door for 30 minutes.
You think he's 'foolish' and dismiss him as a 'bit of a letch'. Would you ferl that way if it was your husband who behaved like that at work?

You must be male are you? You'll be saying it was 'just bants' next. He should have been sacked from his job. It's disgraceful, inappropriate, intimidating, misogynistic, unprofessional behaviour.

@LuluBlakey1

I'm a man and I think his behaviour is completely unacceptable.

Pleased to hear it.

So an interesting thing is that in workplace investigations, the burden of proof is not the same as in criminal investigations. For criminal law, it's 'beyond a reasonable doubt', whereas he can be sanctioned in a workplace investigation 'on the balance of probability'. So that means that if the investigation is convinced that it is more likely than not that he carried out what you've said, they can suspend/fire him

It will come down to how credible your report is (and it sounds credible), whether he has form for this type of behaviour etc. They don't need definitive hard proof of what he's done, they just have to believe in good faith he's done wrong.

Thank you for replying with this. I couldn’t have put it better myself

I'm a woman. I stated my opinion politely knowing that others won't agree, but I stick by it. If you don't agree there's no need to reply aggressively, we are all allowed our opinions. Firstly I NEVER said it was ok. Don't misquote me.
He is definitely in the wrong but there is also clear misandry in these comments. Terms
like victim are over the top. Victim of what, words? And the conversation wouldn't have even got that far if it was me as I would have shut it down long before, making clear it was undesirable. As for sitting outside, it's not sinister. He could have been checking details
of next job, taking a nap. "Call the police" is, again, an over the top, misandric, reaction. If OP didn't like him staying there she could go outside and tell him so. And tell
him why she felt uncomfortable at the same time. Tbh Im surprised others are surprised , I meet men like this nearly every day. I tell
them where to go, and that's the end of it. If he gets sacked, ok. He should have been aware of the consequences of approaching a customer in a work situation. But I wouldn't call him a "predator" and similar like others have. That's going too far. Also there were hints in comments of people assuming he forced himself upon the single mother. That's a very serious assumption/accusation, and a huge leap from the facts. I repeat my previous post: we know nothing, but we have to assume she consented to his advances.

"misandry" isn't a thing, and isn't happening here. HTH.

@Staffymum1899

He is definitely in the wrong but there is also clear misandry in these comments. Termslike victim are over the top. Victim of what, words?

So words can't ever be sexual harassment? Or intimidation?

You can never use the word 'victim' in relation to harassment or intimidation?

What a strange way to think.

Tbh Im surprised others are surprised

If there's a thread with 400 posts and they are almost unanimously saying something completely different to you, is it not worth reflecting on your own point of view rather than insulting everyone else's.

@Staffymum1899 you meet men like this every day do you? Well then that’s a problem, so it’s good that the OP reported this one.

I suspect others that think like me are scared to speak up because they know they'll get jumped on by comments like this... whereas I'm not worried. In fact the responses say a lot as I made generalised comments, quite rational, nothing personal, and yet people have come back with responses targeting me and assuming they know me. (And also ridiculously denying that misandry exists but Im not even bothering with that one)
Certainly my group of friends don't think like these comments... so... I can only assume that mumsnet (or perhaps this particular topic) entices a certain type of person.

@Staffymum1899

What do you personally think should be the consequence for a man (or woman) behaving as per the below in the home of a customer?

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse.

He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him.

So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though.

He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair.

He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?”

Having a strange bloke in your house can be intimidating, it can leave you vulnerable. This guy would have made me wary of telling him to shut up about his sex life. If there was more than one of you at home it reduces your vulnerability. Just today a tradesman was jailed for murdering one of his customers in her own house. She had complained about the length of time the job had taken, 15 months rather than a few months. Plus he was overcharging. He bludgeoned her to death, and calmly packed up his gear and called around to his mother in laws and dumped the weapon.

Having jobs done in this country is a ball ache, shoddy service and crap workmanship- now you have to factor in porn obsessed perverts as well.

So did the poster end up reporting him?!

I truly hope so!!

also for other women we need to read and learn from this.. you must have a man in the house when a tradesman comes to your home (be it your brother/father/husband.. even grandad!)
because they won’t dare do anything like this when faced with another man!

Read the thread!

You know you can click 'see all' on op's posts right? So even if you CBA to read 400+ posts you'd actually find the answer to your question.

You can't do that on the app though.

Yes you can.

click on the little arrow to the right of the Op's posts and select Filter.