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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report the engineer that came to my house?

435 replies

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 13:34

I am a 31 year old woman, and today a guy came round to my house to fit a new energy meter. I am a very friendly person who likes to be polite so I greeted him and let him in, asked if he would like a drink etc. I was planning on just going upstairs and telling him to shout if he needs me, but he was really chatty so I just stayed in the room and carried on the conversation with him. He was just asking me normal things at first like how long I have lived here, if I have kids etc. I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate.

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse. He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him. So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though. He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?” So I said no. I just wanted him out of my house and I was very scared. He said some more things which I won’t mention and eventually I left the room making an excuse that I needed to go and make sure my cat was ok upstairs and I stayed up there until he shouted me. As he was leaving he asked me “would you swipe left or right?” I said “what??” He said “on tinder. For me” I said I don’t know sorry and shut the door in his face. I locked all of the doors and it’s been 30 minutes and he’s still sat outside.

I want to report him but what if he knows it’s me? Am I being reasonable to be scared or am I overreacting? I’m shocked and disgusted and just so upset and wondering if it was something I did or said to make him say all of that. I didn’t bring any of it up I was just trying to be nice. I know people will probably think I brought it on myself or egged it on by staying there but I just wasn’t sure what to do for the best so I was just trying to be polite and go along with him. But for future I really will just be letting people in and going straight upstairs and not engaging in conversation

OP posts:
Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 17:00

He made a comment about something, I can’t remember what it was in regards to but he said “I just need to do this because if I don’t I could lose my job, and if I lose my job I won’t be able to work in the industry again” (I think he needed to fit something back on I’m not sure because it was near the end and by this point I wasn’t entirely listening because I just wanted him gone) so I’m frightened that if he loses his job because of me he will be angry. And if he’s angry what’s he going to do? But I know it’s what he deserves and what needs to happen.

im writing out my complaint now. If I write it up but don’t send until next week, will my complaint still be taken seriously if it isn’t sent straight away? (Like today or tomorrow)

OP posts:
ThirtyThrillionThreeTrees · 19/01/2024 17:05

This wasn't even a close call. This guy was behind inappropriate on so many levels.

I would absolutely report and probably get a ring door bell over the weekend.

MaggieNextDoor · 19/01/2024 17:09

He was emotionally manipulating you when he said if he lost his job he'd never get work in the industry again. He deserves to lose his job for behaving in an unprofessional and intimidating behaviour. He shouldn't work in a customer facing role, particularly one where he is alone with a woman.
Report him. If you get any comeback from him, inform the police.

MILTOBE · 19/01/2024 17:12

If he loses his job it's entirely down to him - it probably means he was on a final warning. Even if women haven't complained about him before (officially at any rate) it could be that he takes far too long in their houses and doesn't get all his work done.

Runnerinthenight · 19/01/2024 17:16

Pocketfullofdogtreats · 19/01/2024 14:06

It is NOT your fault. He was inappropriate. Don't let it stop you being friendly and chatty with strangers. It's a shame he pushed it like that. But you'll be more on your guard in future and maybe more aware of nipping it in the bud. But once, I'd have been exactly like you were. Nowadays I'd be slightly less concerned about offending someone when they became inappropriate.

I'd have told him firmly that I didn't want to listen to talk like that and left the room, but then I am old and my tolerance for bullshit is zero.

Definitely report him. I wouldn't care if he knew it was me reported him - he is going to know anyway from the detail. If he appears near your home ever again ring the police immediately.

What a horrible creep.

Coffeeandcatsforlife · 19/01/2024 17:18

So sorry this happened to you OP, I would have felt really scared too. I hate having workmen in my home as a close family member of mine was raped by one in her home years ago so I’m always on edge and alert, but always polite. You did absolutely nothing wrong. Hope you are ok. I’d absolutely report him too. I had a workman turn up at my house without pre booking an appointment and he just let himself into my back garden and it scared me so much and really was not a convenient time so I told him and he was rude to me and stalked off. I phoned my landlord and explained and they said they’d speak to him (he gone around annually) since then he’s been more polite but I’m always on edge when he has to come round.

mammaneedsadrink · 19/01/2024 17:18

Yes. It will be taken seriously even if it's next week. You'll never know what the outcome is from your report, but if you ever receive any comeback from him, like PPs said, inform the police. Getting a ring doorbell is a really good idea, if feasible for you. It will probably help put your mind to rest. Obviously no guarantees, but I very much doubt you would see or hear from him again if he knows you reported him. If you don't, you may run the risk of him thinking you had a "connection" and trying to get back in touch with you - again sadly I have seen this before where it wasn't reported until the 2nd or 3rd time they visited the property.

QueenOfMOHO · 19/01/2024 17:28

Bleurgh. Hope you are ok.
I had a delivery man tell me he needed to take a photo of me accepting the delivery, then he took far too long sizing it up and said "come on, do a bit of a pout".

Newyearoldhair · 19/01/2024 17:42

Please report this op. Sooner rather than later.

runningonberocca · 19/01/2024 17:47

If he’s still sitting there outside your house I’d call the police! And definitely report to his company

PropertyManager · 19/01/2024 17:51

OP, I would NOT report this engineer, I'm an electrician, and i've come across these kind of people, scum who give all us trades a bad name.

BUT, these guys can be seriously unpleasant individuals, this fellow has already shown you he has no filter, no morals, and has advertised the fact he has gone back to a customers house un-announced.

The obvious, good citizen thing to do is report it, but if he looses his job, its not beyond the realms of possibility for him to seek revenge.

I really wouldn't put yourself in that position, you will likely never see or hear of him again, and trust me he will get caught out - but don't please make yourself a target for his vitriol.

GothConversionTherapy · 19/01/2024 17:53

How will he get caught out if no one reports him?

Startyabastard · 19/01/2024 17:53

I'd inform the police too.

MILTOBE · 19/01/2024 17:56

@laminaraw2202 - I've reported you.

PropertyManager · 19/01/2024 17:59

GothConversionTherapy · 19/01/2024 17:53

How will he get caught out if no one reports him?

Eventually someone will, but whats in it for the OP, she's not going to see this guy again, he's gone (hopefully), yep its the good citizen thing to report, very laudable, but if he then rocks up angry and pissed up she is in hazard - just avoid it, mark him as a twat and move on.

I complained about a site labourer on a site I was on and he got fired, he then came a looking for me off site - it happens - always think is the satisfaction of the email worth it!

reallyworriedjobhunter · 19/01/2024 18:00

Have you got a male friend or relative you can call to come round?

Ring doorbell or similar?

Utterknowitall · 19/01/2024 18:00

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 17:00

He made a comment about something, I can’t remember what it was in regards to but he said “I just need to do this because if I don’t I could lose my job, and if I lose my job I won’t be able to work in the industry again” (I think he needed to fit something back on I’m not sure because it was near the end and by this point I wasn’t entirely listening because I just wanted him gone) so I’m frightened that if he loses his job because of me he will be angry. And if he’s angry what’s he going to do? But I know it’s what he deserves and what needs to happen.

im writing out my complaint now. If I write it up but don’t send until next week, will my complaint still be taken seriously if it isn’t sent straight away? (Like today or tomorrow)

I don't think a delay will matter. Something happened to someone I know (workman, in their home) and they ended up reporting it to the police, but not for a good few weeks, because they were scared. Perpetrator pled guilty and was put on SOR.

GothConversionTherapy · 19/01/2024 18:01

PropertyManager · 19/01/2024 17:59

Eventually someone will, but whats in it for the OP, she's not going to see this guy again, he's gone (hopefully), yep its the good citizen thing to report, very laudable, but if he then rocks up angry and pissed up she is in hazard - just avoid it, mark him as a twat and move on.

I complained about a site labourer on a site I was on and he got fired, he then came a looking for me off site - it happens - always think is the satisfaction of the email worth it!

Are you his mate or something?

crackofdoom · 19/01/2024 18:04

I can't help wondering what the real story was behind his tale of the single mum who had sex with him when he took a bag of food round. I really hope she wasn't coerced or forced.

PropertyManager · 19/01/2024 18:04

GothConversionTherapy · 19/01/2024 18:01

Are you his mate or something?

No, just a realistic person who has met some quite despicable types in the trades (alongside many, many more great ones) and the OPs description makes this guy sound pretty bad.

My question is, whats in it for the OP, nothing, but potentially bringing trouble to her door.

PropertyManager · 19/01/2024 18:06

crackofdoom · 19/01/2024 18:04

I can't help wondering what the real story was behind his tale of the single mum who had sex with him when he took a bag of food round. I really hope she wasn't coerced or forced.

Exactly, the guy has form (so he says, could of course be fantasy) for going back to a customers house with the intent of instigating sex - he clearly has no inhibitions, thats the kind of person I'd want to avoid and not risk seeing again.

DriftingDora · 19/01/2024 18:06

Chattycatt · 19/01/2024 13:56

Goodness me - defo report him

The OP should be prepared - chances are he'll totally deny it.

crackofdoom · 19/01/2024 18:08

Propertymanager

Some of us have a social conscience.

Hey, maybe it's a woman thing 🤷‍♀️I have reported a sexual assault from an ex in order to protect and support other women- when I heard he had gone on to do it again- even though it could well have had repercussions for me.

Toberlerone · 19/01/2024 18:13

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 17:00

He made a comment about something, I can’t remember what it was in regards to but he said “I just need to do this because if I don’t I could lose my job, and if I lose my job I won’t be able to work in the industry again” (I think he needed to fit something back on I’m not sure because it was near the end and by this point I wasn’t entirely listening because I just wanted him gone) so I’m frightened that if he loses his job because of me he will be angry. And if he’s angry what’s he going to do? But I know it’s what he deserves and what needs to happen.

im writing out my complaint now. If I write it up but don’t send until next week, will my complaint still be taken seriously if it isn’t sent straight away? (Like today or tomorrow)

If he loses his job it will be because of his behaviour. Not you reporting him. Because if he hadn't behaved so badly there would be nothing for you to report.

So report because it is the right thing to do to keep future women safe. And if he loses his job that on him for his behaviour. Not you 💐

godmum56 · 19/01/2024 18:13

I would report and have done so in similar circs.