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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report the engineer that came to my house?

435 replies

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 13:34

I am a 31 year old woman, and today a guy came round to my house to fit a new energy meter. I am a very friendly person who likes to be polite so I greeted him and let him in, asked if he would like a drink etc. I was planning on just going upstairs and telling him to shout if he needs me, but he was really chatty so I just stayed in the room and carried on the conversation with him. He was just asking me normal things at first like how long I have lived here, if I have kids etc. I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate.

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse. He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him. So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though. He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?” So I said no. I just wanted him out of my house and I was very scared. He said some more things which I won’t mention and eventually I left the room making an excuse that I needed to go and make sure my cat was ok upstairs and I stayed up there until he shouted me. As he was leaving he asked me “would you swipe left or right?” I said “what??” He said “on tinder. For me” I said I don’t know sorry and shut the door in his face. I locked all of the doors and it’s been 30 minutes and he’s still sat outside.

I want to report him but what if he knows it’s me? Am I being reasonable to be scared or am I overreacting? I’m shocked and disgusted and just so upset and wondering if it was something I did or said to make him say all of that. I didn’t bring any of it up I was just trying to be nice. I know people will probably think I brought it on myself or egged it on by staying there but I just wasn’t sure what to do for the best so I was just trying to be polite and go along with him. But for future I really will just be letting people in and going straight upstairs and not engaging in conversation

OP posts:
SwordToFlamethrower · 19/01/2024 15:21

I'd be phoning the police!

IncompleteSenten · 19/01/2024 15:21

Someone who talks like that while doing his job is someone who does that all the time. One day talking won't be enough and he'll likely assault a woman, if he hasn't already.

If you feel able, you absolutely should report him.

IncompleteSenten · 19/01/2024 15:22

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/01/2024 13:46

What do you want to report him for - as your post was very long.

Wtf is wrong with you?

QueenBitch666 · 19/01/2024 15:25

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/01/2024 13:46

What do you want to report him for - as your post was very long.

Are you for real?

SwordToFlamethrower · 19/01/2024 15:25

Well I'm never letting a tradesman into my house ever again when I'm home alone

Jf20 · 19/01/2024 15:26

Please don’t think ever you did something to deserve it. I’m horrified you thought women on here would say that and blame you. That’s an incel thing to do.

hes a sexist creep who was hoping to get laid,and thick as pig shit if he thinks those sort of stories will get you going.

id report and just explain in an email and say you don’t wish him back in the house.

ZenSandGarden · 19/01/2024 15:34

His conversation was unprofessional

He has made you feel uncomfortable in your home, which is your place of safety

Please report him, because he will continue to harass other people in the future until he is stopped

The company that he works for should offer you an apology for his inappropriate behaviour

Goldenbrowntexturelikesun · 19/01/2024 15:38

Please report him, he just can not be allowed to continue going into women’s homes, their personal safe places.

I also feel very sorry for his poor wife (if, of course he actually has one).

And don’t let a dirty, sad old pervert man put you off continuing being a friendly and chatty person.

Balloonhearts · 19/01/2024 15:45

I had the same with a boiler engineer last week. I was quite blunt with him tbh and he left with his tail between his legs.

DeeLusional · 19/01/2024 15:45

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 13:34

I am a 31 year old woman, and today a guy came round to my house to fit a new energy meter. I am a very friendly person who likes to be polite so I greeted him and let him in, asked if he would like a drink etc. I was planning on just going upstairs and telling him to shout if he needs me, but he was really chatty so I just stayed in the room and carried on the conversation with him. He was just asking me normal things at first like how long I have lived here, if I have kids etc. I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate.

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse. He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him. So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though. He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?” So I said no. I just wanted him out of my house and I was very scared. He said some more things which I won’t mention and eventually I left the room making an excuse that I needed to go and make sure my cat was ok upstairs and I stayed up there until he shouted me. As he was leaving he asked me “would you swipe left or right?” I said “what??” He said “on tinder. For me” I said I don’t know sorry and shut the door in his face. I locked all of the doors and it’s been 30 minutes and he’s still sat outside.

I want to report him but what if he knows it’s me? Am I being reasonable to be scared or am I overreacting? I’m shocked and disgusted and just so upset and wondering if it was something I did or said to make him say all of that. I didn’t bring any of it up I was just trying to be nice. I know people will probably think I brought it on myself or egged it on by staying there but I just wasn’t sure what to do for the best so I was just trying to be polite and go along with him. But for future I really will just be letting people in and going straight upstairs and not engaging in conversation

If you are worried, leave it a couple of days then report. If he's done this to you, he's done it to others so could be anyone who reported him. And DO NOT blame yourself, women always do that! I was at a party once where the hosts and their friends were into grass-skiing, and having never seen grass skis before, I asked one their friends to tell me about them. Conversation over, I then went to the loo. As I was coming out of the bathroom he was standing in the doorway, he put his hands on my shoulders, shoved me back in, came in and tried to shut the door. Almighty ruckus ensued, his friends threw him out, he told them I was friendly so he thought I fancied him. Def not my fault, def not your fault.

girlfriend44 · 19/01/2024 15:45

Don't understand why you stayed chatting and didn't nip it in the bud as soon as he started?

Agree with another post always say your husband/brother is around and back soon.

ZenSandGarden · 19/01/2024 15:47

I have worked in a male dominated industry for decades

His employer will have a code of conduct which includes work clothes, personal appearance, behaviour, time keeping, cleanliness etc

Please report him

Stresshater · 19/01/2024 15:49

Report, report, report! You managed to separate yourself from this a-hole but it’s clear he’s targeted at least one other customer.

Please do not see this as victim blaming. There is an element of society arrogant enough not to respect normal boundaries and lack the self awareness to recognise when they have overstepped the mark. Sadly, they take friendliness and politeness as a come-on and intent to engage with them. They should not be working with the public in any capacity and certainly not able to gain access to people’s homes.

Following an accident, I found myself in a similar situation to you. I had to attend weekly hospital appointments. A friend would drop me off at hospital as part of our school run (I was in plaster and unable to drive) and I would get a taxi home from hospital. As I never know how long I would have to wait for my appointment I could not prebook a taxi so would call one from the hospital taxi point. Three weeks running I ended up with the same taxi driver. Because I was in plaster, he suggested that I sit in the front seat on the first pick up. On the second and third, I asked him if it was ok to sit in the front seat. He said ok. On the third pick up, as soon as I was in the car he told me that I must really be into him because I’d specifically asked for him (nothing of the sort). He made it clear what he wanted. He did take me home but initially wouldn’t let me leave the taxi and having persuaded him to unlock the doors after I’d paid him, he tried to get into the house. He wasn’t successful. I reported him to the taxi company. It initially didn’t occur to me to report him to the police but I received a visit from the police within an hour of making the call to the taxi company. The taxi driver had multiple complaints of similar behaviour.

IncompleteSenten · 19/01/2024 15:50

Fear triggering the instinct to appease, calm, be 'nice' is a very common reaction from women in a situation where we feel trapped and fear that we could be assaulted.

SomeCatFromJapan · 19/01/2024 15:50

Don't understand why you stayed chatting and didn't nip it in the bud as soon as he started?

Women react in various ways when they feel threatened, one of which is appeasement - act friendly so as not to provoke the stronger male who could turn and become violent if pissed off.

Blueeyedmale · 19/01/2024 15:53

Please report it you were just being polite and friendly, nothing you said entitles a man to behave in such a way.you did nothing wrong.

Please report it in his job he could come into contact with many vulnerable people.again I would like to remind you that you have done nothing wrong for him to behave in this way.

maudelovesharold · 19/01/2024 15:53

girlfriend44 · 19/01/2024 15:45

Don't understand why you stayed chatting and didn't nip it in the bud as soon as he started?

Agree with another post always say your husband/brother is around and back soon.

Victim blaming as usual. When you’re in a vulnerable position and feel threatened by someone, you don’t want to aggravate them, because you don’t know how they might react.

TM1979 · 19/01/2024 15:54

You have to report him. You did not bring it on yourself either. What a creep!

mommyfive · 19/01/2024 15:55

Firstly never ask questions like what you doing on the weekend it may have been nothing to you but a man it is. But in saying that he has been entirely unprofessional and inappropriate I'd report it . And get your self a door ring bell it records everything x

pizzaHeart · 19/01/2024 15:58

Just wanted to tell that you’ve gone nothing wrong by chatting with him. It’s really cold atm and offering a drink to someone was just being polite. The chat how long do you live here or about weekend was again just a chat to pass the time. I wouldn’t go upstairs tbh in this situation, I would stay and when you stayed total silence might be a bit awkward.
please report him .

Hiddenvoice · 19/01/2024 15:59

I’m glad you’re going to report him.
You did nothing wrong and nothing to initiate this. You engaged in conversation out of being polite, he’s the one who has taken it too far and become Incredibly
inappropriate.

ThenAgain · 19/01/2024 15:59

mommyfive · 19/01/2024 15:55

Firstly never ask questions like what you doing on the weekend it may have been nothing to you but a man it is. But in saying that he has been entirely unprofessional and inappropriate I'd report it . And get your self a door ring bell it records everything x

No, it wasn’t because she asked a standard polite question. It was because he was a predatory creep.

PeggyPoggleshaw · 19/01/2024 16:01

Without question you should report him before he goes even further with another customer. He's clearly a vile predator.

BippityBobbityBoo · 19/01/2024 16:01

I was expecting to read about someone being slightly unprofessional or not removing shoes or something but this is REALLY bad OP, sounds very scary.
I too might even consider the police but would definitely report. Agree about serial killer vibes, if he can act like that in his job, what’s he like in his personal life? What a creep.

Gettingbysomehow · 19/01/2024 16:02

I would most definitely report him. He would rue the day he came to my house.