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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report the engineer that came to my house?

435 replies

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 13:34

I am a 31 year old woman, and today a guy came round to my house to fit a new energy meter. I am a very friendly person who likes to be polite so I greeted him and let him in, asked if he would like a drink etc. I was planning on just going upstairs and telling him to shout if he needs me, but he was really chatty so I just stayed in the room and carried on the conversation with him. He was just asking me normal things at first like how long I have lived here, if I have kids etc. I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate.

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse. He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him. So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though. He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?” So I said no. I just wanted him out of my house and I was very scared. He said some more things which I won’t mention and eventually I left the room making an excuse that I needed to go and make sure my cat was ok upstairs and I stayed up there until he shouted me. As he was leaving he asked me “would you swipe left or right?” I said “what??” He said “on tinder. For me” I said I don’t know sorry and shut the door in his face. I locked all of the doors and it’s been 30 minutes and he’s still sat outside.

I want to report him but what if he knows it’s me? Am I being reasonable to be scared or am I overreacting? I’m shocked and disgusted and just so upset and wondering if it was something I did or said to make him say all of that. I didn’t bring any of it up I was just trying to be nice. I know people will probably think I brought it on myself or egged it on by staying there but I just wasn’t sure what to do for the best so I was just trying to be polite and go along with him. But for future I really will just be letting people in and going straight upstairs and not engaging in conversation

OP posts:
LuluBlakey1 · 19/01/2024 14:43

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/01/2024 13:46

What do you want to report him for - as your post was very long.

Snotty comment. It's not that long and it's clear what about his behaviour is very inappropriate and the OP found frightening. Why do you need to be so sneery? Or perhaps you didn't mean to be?

MadeForThis · 19/01/2024 14:44

Report. Who knows how he might escalate.

m00rfarm · 19/01/2024 14:44

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/01/2024 13:46

What do you want to report him for - as your post was very long.

You must be a very slow reader. It was clearly written and not that long.

CharlesChickens · 19/01/2024 14:46

Buffypaws · 19/01/2024 14:41

Ffs he sounds like a serial killer. He should not be allowed to go round women’s houses.

This.

MeridianB · 19/01/2024 14:48

So glad you're going to report him. I had a similar experience a few years ago - super chatty but moved very quickly to innuendo, how he's 'dated' customers and very direct questions about whether I am happily married, which I shut down.

I'm a really confident person but it was scary and totally unexpected and incongruous. I wish now I'd just asked him to leave immediately but I was alone in the house and didn't want to risk him getting weirder or physical.

I reported him to the 'Check a trade' side I'd found him on (he was self-employed). If he'd been from a big chain I would have raised merry hell. Because these men should not be going into people's homes.

Naddd · 19/01/2024 14:48

Just wanted to say that im quite chatty and will have a conversation with people, tradespeople etc.
That does not mean they get to speak inappropriately to you, its a conversation end of.
Im not surprised you were scared, id be too and wondering like you. But no its a conversation you did nothing wrong

GasPanic · 19/01/2024 14:48

No one should be subjected to that and I'm pretty sure his company would be horrified to learn of what happened.

You should defnintely contact them because if there are other complaints along similar lines it should help validate them and help his company build up a case for a course of action.

Lifeomars · 19/01/2024 14:49

What an appalling and frightening experience for you. If you feel able to report him them please do so. I would put money on him having done this many times before. This is why I dread having to have workmen (and it almost always men) coming to my home. Many years ago the builder who did some work on my home offered me money to have sex with him as he said he fancied me and knew that as a single mum I needed the money! In more recent time the man who installed my broadband made racist comments, I live in a multi cultural area and I guess he thought it was acceptable that as he and I were white I would just join in with it. I reported him. Anyway, back to you, what you have been through is horrible, to be made to feel unsafe and threatened in your own home is unacceptable, you muse be feeling shaken and distressed. Hope you feel better as time goes on

Gotsomedebt · 19/01/2024 14:50

This is awful. Definitely report him!!

It might be OTT, but I actually make DH take time off work for this kind of thing because I refuse to be alone with a strange man/men. And 9 times out of ten, it's a man that comes not a woman.

If DH is not available, it gets rebooked for when he is, or I have a friend or relative come for the day.

SausageRollsWithMustard · 19/01/2024 14:52

Definitely report.

I'm sorry that this happened to you OP.
I has a similar experience about 10 years ago with a man fitting a new gas fire in my house. He started talking about sex and marriage. I said that I didn't know him well enough to talk about that!
I also felt scared being alone in the house with him. I was worried that if I went upstairs he would take it as a come on.
In the end I went into my garden and phoned my Mum who came straight round.

It's horrible behaviour and I was shaken for a while afterwards. I felt that as a lone female I couldn't get any work done on my house safely.

Figgygal · 19/01/2024 14:54

He sounds like a predatory bastard who enjoys making women uncomfortable in their own homes - disgusting pig
Absolutely report him

BigFatCat2024 · 19/01/2024 14:55

Definitely report, he is representing the company in people's homes, and he should not be making customers feel remotely uncomfortable let alone scared.

HermioneKipper · 19/01/2024 14:56

These fucking disgusting men make me so angry! And it’s always men isn’t it. How dare he do this and make you so uncomfortable in your own home.

Definitely report him but tell them you’re anxious that he’ll know it’s you and come back. So they know to be careful about their feedback

I’d also report to the police that he sat outside your house for so long after being completely inappropriate.

Do you know any neighbours you can put on alert for if his car/van turns up again?

MILTOBE · 19/01/2024 14:59

I would report it now so that he is stopped in his tracks today. Absolutely awful behaviour from him and I hope they can track down the woman he was referring to, too.

When you report him say that you intend to call the police if you see him anywhere near your house again.

I agree with the poster who said you should say your husband's working upstairs. You shouldn't have to say that, but it does work. I wouldn't leave any worker downstairs on his own, though, unless I knew him.

EffieGraysDisappointingWeddingNight · 19/01/2024 15:03

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/01/2024 13:46

What do you want to report him for - as your post was very long.

it's fine if you're too lazy to read posts. no need to announce it though.

Salome61 · 19/01/2024 15:04

So very sorry, I am glad you reported him.

I'm 66 now but when I was younger we had a leak from the back boiler, and someone from the insurance came round. I offered him a coffee and he stayed for about 40 minutes, it was very very awkward, I felt he might jump on me at any minute. I eventually gave him our only bottle of wine to get rid of him. My husband was more angry about the wine than my fears!

Dramasloth · 19/01/2024 15:06

Deffo report him. Do it now. I wouldn’t care less if he knew it was me. You might be saving another woman from being made to feel uncomfortable, or worse…

Greenpolkadot · 19/01/2024 15:07

OMG..what an absolute sleaze.
Yes of course report him. And tell them not to send him the next time your need a gas man.

I had trouble with a repair man who came to fix my washer. From one of the big companies.
Not in the way that you have just had but rude and spoke to me like I couldn't possibly know anything about electrical stuff.
He didn't even look at the washer..just opened the soap dispenser drawer and told me to clean it out.
So I reported him and told them not to send him on anymore call outs to me.

Yonjovi · 19/01/2024 15:08

Absolutely report him. For some tradesmen it's like a numbers game, they try it on with every single woman they visit. It's predatory behaviour and I wouldn't ever want to encounter him. You'd be doing us all a favour by reporting him.

ScreamingBeans · 19/01/2024 15:09

Glad you're going to report him.

It may well be that other customers have reported him but they don't have enough evidence.

If he turns up again unexpectedly, call his company again and tell them you're going to call the police.

I think it's time a DBS check was normalised for men who regularly go to people's houses, there are too many men who carry on like this.

2023forme · 19/01/2024 15:09

HollaHolla · 19/01/2024 13:57

I suspect you're not the only woman he's spoken to like this. So, there could be others in a position to report him.
Please do report him, though. That's vile, and he really shouldn't be allowed to go into people's homes, if that is his behaviour.

This ^^. It’s very likely he does this sort of thing all the time - a creep like that will have no insight into just how bad his behaviour is and probably sees it as “chat” or “banter”. I’d bet my house this isn’t the first time - there may even be other complaints and the company are building a case against home. What a scumbag

NotQuiteNorma · 19/01/2024 15:11

I'd probably swipe left.

FortofPud · 19/01/2024 15:18

Definitely report. But also make a detailed account of everything that happened and ehat he said and do something like email it to yourself. Just in case he ends up coming back or it escalates it any way to a police report rather than just a complaint it's useful to have a account that you recorded close to the incident rather than relying on memory further down the line.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 19/01/2024 15:20

Glad you are going to report him. He sounds creepy!

Look back over your post before making the report and please remove all the parts where you start to blame yourself.
Chatting to him was not incitement!
You were not at fault.

HighQueenOfTheFarRealm · 19/01/2024 15:21

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/01/2024 13:46

What do you want to report him for - as your post was very long.

I really do worry about what phones and TikTok are doing to peoples brains and their ability to focus.

Op he sounds awful. I'd report him too.