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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To report the engineer that came to my house?

435 replies

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 13:34

I am a 31 year old woman, and today a guy came round to my house to fit a new energy meter. I am a very friendly person who likes to be polite so I greeted him and let him in, asked if he would like a drink etc. I was planning on just going upstairs and telling him to shout if he needs me, but he was really chatty so I just stayed in the room and carried on the conversation with him. He was just asking me normal things at first like how long I have lived here, if I have kids etc. I was asking him if he has plans for the weekend. Just normal stuff. I really shouldn’t have done this, because for some reason this gave him some sort of green light to be very very inappropriate.

After he asked me if I have children he started speaking about his own kids. He told me that his first was conceived through an affair. I was a bit taken aback that he told me this, but then it just got worse. He said he hasn’t had sex with his wife for 27 years and has had multiple affairs. He told me all about her intimacy problems. I was feeling uncomfortable but I didn’t know what to say, I was scared because I was in the house alone with him. So I just tried to change the subject. He kept bringing it back to sexual things though. He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

he made sexist, racist and homophobic comments. After he tad told me a few things he asked me if I had any stories. I said no. So he asked me if I am a nun. I said no obviously not. He said “have you ever wanted to be naughty?” So I said no. I just wanted him out of my house and I was very scared. He said some more things which I won’t mention and eventually I left the room making an excuse that I needed to go and make sure my cat was ok upstairs and I stayed up there until he shouted me. As he was leaving he asked me “would you swipe left or right?” I said “what??” He said “on tinder. For me” I said I don’t know sorry and shut the door in his face. I locked all of the doors and it’s been 30 minutes and he’s still sat outside.

I want to report him but what if he knows it’s me? Am I being reasonable to be scared or am I overreacting? I’m shocked and disgusted and just so upset and wondering if it was something I did or said to make him say all of that. I didn’t bring any of it up I was just trying to be nice. I know people will probably think I brought it on myself or egged it on by staying there but I just wasn’t sure what to do for the best so I was just trying to be polite and go along with him. But for future I really will just be letting people in and going straight upstairs and not engaging in conversation

OP posts:
Clarice99 · 19/01/2024 14:08

What a horrible experience for you OP.

I just don't understand why men think it's okay to behave in this way. It's totally inappropriate and intimidating.

As suggested earlier in the thread, I would report this to the company and to the (non-emergency) police.

I hope you are okay 🌻

CharlotteMakepeace · 19/01/2024 14:08

He sounds like an ugly bloke who would have liked to have charted you up but realised you were out of his league so he started giving it the big I am about his sexual conquests which I'm sure were mostly made up.

You don't need to disappear upstairs l, you firmly say that you don't want to hear that kind of talk. If they persist you ask them to leave.

In the current job climate it's unlikely someone would risk their job. I usually find the ones that talk this kind of crap are simply that, all talk and are easily shut down.

apostrophewoman · 19/01/2024 14:10

Catza · 19/01/2024 14:07

Yes he will but so what? He needs to know it was you, he needs to know you stood up for yourself and if he is causing any trouble, you report him once again but this time to the police.

Absolutely, but also, if you don't report him, what if he pops back to your house in a few days with some helpful shopping and thinks he has a way in??

MarilynBoo · 19/01/2024 14:11

Had you booked the installation or did he just randomly turn up? Sounds like an awful experience 💐

loobylou10 · 19/01/2024 14:12

@OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon do you struggle with comprehension? Not a very long post and very easy to see what the issue might have been. OP - sorry you had to suffer that, definitely report he sounds like a predator.

Sodndashitall · 19/01/2024 14:12

Report immediately! In writing !

ManchesterGirl2 · 19/01/2024 14:13

Yes report. How horrible of him.

You weren't egging him on. With someone behaving weirdly and threateningly in my own home, I'd be equally worried about what they might do (steal/ damage?) if I let them out of my sight, so there's no"right" answer once you're in that situation.

BakedTattie · 19/01/2024 14:15

Absolutely report him. He sounds vile

GigiGrey · 19/01/2024 14:15

Firstly, please do not blame yourself OP. You should be able to arrange an appointment with an engineer, engage in polite conversation with them whilst they carry out their work and have them leave, without experiencing sexual harassment. You did absolutely nothing wrong and the blame lies 100% with him.

He said that it was on his bucket list to sleep with a woman of a certain race and he achieved this last year through an affair. He told me she was a customer of his, he went to her house and she was a single mother living alone so a few days later he went back to her house unannounced and took her some food shopping to help her out. I am horrified by this. I want to report him.

This man clearly shouldn't be allowed into customer's homes unsupervised if this is what he views as professional/appropriate behaviour, and shouldn't be trusted with people's personal details. I can't believe that he's not only taken advantage of a single mother like this, but also views it as acceptable enough to brag about it! How would he have reacted if she'd accepted the shopping and then asked him to leave? It is predatory behaviour and an abuse of power.

Please, please report him!

GothConversionTherapy · 19/01/2024 14:16

Definitely report, by his own admission he does it with other women so he won't necessarily know it's you. I agree log it with non emergency police in case he comes by again to try it on.

thechangling · 19/01/2024 14:18

Definitely report him. I work for a big energy company and this is gross misconduct offence. Your anonymity would be preserved. Big energy companies DO NOT want these type of people working for them. He could also be an imposter in a big energy uniform, so we would definitely want to know about it for that reason too, as it would be a criminal matter.

Hesrts · 19/01/2024 14:20

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at OP's request

NotFastButFurious · 19/01/2024 14:21

Report him, it's undoubtedly not the first time he's said such things to women so he might not necessarily know it's you who's reported him.
Also.....how do 4% of people in a predominantly female group think this is ok?!??

Thejewellershands · 19/01/2024 14:22

MarilynBoo · 19/01/2024 14:11

Had you booked the installation or did he just randomly turn up? Sounds like an awful experience 💐

So had booked it in myself

OP posts:
AzureBlue99 · 19/01/2024 14:24

Be careful he doesn't just show up again, not because you reported him, but because he is a sleazy chancer. I suspect he treats every woman he meets as a potential conquest. Grim.

youveturnedupwelldone · 19/01/2024 14:25

Report him directly to the energy company, in writing. You'll have to say who you are though to make it effective, how else would they identify him.

There is no excuse for his behaviour.

ManateeFair · 19/01/2024 14:25

Yes, report this.

PleaseStopEatingMyStuff · 19/01/2024 14:36

This is awful. You did nothing wrong and were just being polite and friendly. Sadly perverts seem to think this is an open invitation to being massively inappropriate.
I think you should report-but to second a pp I would leave it a few days if you're nervous of him thinking it's you.

MightyGoldBear · 19/01/2024 14:36

Just wanted to add op it's not your responsibility going forward to nip things in the bud its on men to change their disgusting behaviour. Whilst saying that its also not your responsibility to be polite or entertain it. But I completely get how you felt vulnerable and unsafe.

By all means we can have boundaries and provide as much safety as we can for ourselves but it is not our responsibility or fault for not doing so. That's on men we shouldn't need to protect ourselves in this way.

I hope this ramble made sense I'm very sleep deprived 😴

horseyhorsey17 · 19/01/2024 14:38

Absolutely report the creepy perve.

horseyhorsey17 · 19/01/2024 14:39

NotFastButFurious · 19/01/2024 14:21

Report him, it's undoubtedly not the first time he's said such things to women so he might not necessarily know it's you who's reported him.
Also.....how do 4% of people in a predominantly female group think this is ok?!??

Probably because about 4% are men/trolls/both.

ManateeFair · 19/01/2024 14:40

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/01/2024 13:46

What do you want to report him for - as your post was very long.

Maybe a site that entails primarily communicating with words isn't the best place for you, love

Buffypaws · 19/01/2024 14:41

Ffs he sounds like a serial killer. He should not be allowed to go round women’s houses.

feathermucker · 19/01/2024 14:42

OlderGlaswegianLivingInDevon · 19/01/2024 13:46

What do you want to report him for - as your post was very long.

Seriously?! It's pretty obvious what she wants to report him for.

DogLover24 · 19/01/2024 14:43

Buffypaws · 19/01/2024 14:41

Ffs he sounds like a serial killer. He should not be allowed to go round women’s houses.

Serial killer?! That's a bit of a leap!