He wants me to kick my mum out

[Areyouhavingabubble2]

My elderly mother lives with me in my home (and has for the past 8 years) she does do some cooking and cleaning to help out. It’s my home, I own it and pay all the expenses.

I have 3 school age kids who live at home with me and my mother.

My partner moved into my home a year ago, knowing the full situation.
He has been permanently irritated by her since he moved in. He perceives her habits as trying to annoy him and go against his wishes. She just behaves as she normally does. He is now refusing to eat anything she cooks and pretty much ignoring her.

He says he didn’t realise that she would have an equal say in the household and thinks it should be just me and him controlling the home and everything else.

He now says I should ask my mother to move out as she is too painful to live with and interfering in our lives. He says we have no privacy, which is reasonably true. We do however have a babysitter on hand if we wanted to go out for alone time, which he doesn’t really ever want to do.

I don’t think it makes sense to kick her out when this is my home. It would be different if me and him got married or bought/ rented somewhere together and helped set my mother up somewhere nice. He wants her gone and now and is constantly moaning about her.

Am I being unreasonable to expect the living situation to stay as it is and he just get used to it?

He needs to go but he won't go without a fight. He has a cushy home. He shows his true colours wanting your mum to leave.

Hi, i feel sorry for your situation, iv been there..but my father ended up in a home after 12 years and we still got divorced after 40 years, the strain and pressure on relationships is to much to deal with..this is your life, your home, do what is right for you...no one else !

He is classically abusive.

Charming and lovely till feet under the table.

Now he is trying to oust your mother from the house, when he treats you as a skivvy and expects you to pay his living expenses.

If your mother left, you would be at additional risk of escalated abuse as there would be no witness - nobody there whose primary loyalty is to you - just children.

I'm so glad you are making the right call and getting rid, and so, so sorry you were this man's mark. It could, sadly, happen to any of us, so well done you for recognising it this relatively early, and knowing to get this snake out of your home.

He sounds like a cocklodger!

Next he will be asking you to put your children out. He should be out on his ear- get him out out out

He sounds awful. Hope he takes your decision and leaves without a fight, but at least you have your mum and children to back you up and you haven't kicked your mum out!

Kick him out and tell him to jog on. Not a chance I’d want that in my home.
it’s not healthy for you, your children or your mother.

Please kick him out and do it immediately.

Your poor mum. He has zero right to be so vile to her especially when he doesn’t even contribute to expenses. It’s too late now. He has shown his true colours. No second chances. He knew the situation, he chose not to pay. Get him out and get your life back! You don’t need his moaning awfulness one minute longer!

He pays nothing. So yes, a cocklodger as well as a mean bully to an elderly woman.

awful.

I'd be kicking him out OP.

I’d have already thrown him out…

He sounds unkind. I'd ditch him.

I voted you are being unreasonable because of the fact you are even entertaining continuing a relationship with this low life. Kick him out - you and those who depend on you deserve a decent person in their lives, not this a-hole.

That’s your mum. Why are you debating this? Kick him out.

You should immediately get a suitcase out and pack all necessy clothes and you and your mum should wave goodbye as the front door hits his arse on the way out.

Sorry bit of you follow his wishes your as spineless as he is. You've lived happily beside your mum for a long time until he came along, it's him who needs to fit in not her. I'd not only chuck him out but I'd dump his sorry arse you don't need negativity like that.

Absolutely feck off. Bye bye partner!

Next he will be wanting 2 kick Yr kids out. U want 2 be very careful of a controlling man.
& get rid in him now, not Yr loving mum

Get rid of him he's just a user!!

OMG you got yourself a cocklodger. He doesn't help with anything at all, AND wants to kick your mum out!!!! This is a no brainer. I'll come kick him out for you, I'm that cross.

Some underlying reason he wants you alone in your house? Would he be more controlling....sounds too suspicious. Ask him politely to move out and then see if ge wants to continue your relationship

@Areyouhavingabubble2

I’m so so nervous and scared to tell him. I shouldn’t feel like this.

If you're nervous and scared because he is violent, emotionally abusive, threatens/physically intimidates or is prone to 'blow up' then your feelings are understandable and correct. It may be better to have someone there when tell him to leave, preferably someone who is large and/or not easily intimidated. Send your mum and DC out for a few hours, but do NOT tell him alone. Or as others have suggested pack up his shit and text him that it's waiting on the stoop. Hopefully he hasn't had time to move a bunch of large stuff in. If so, pack what you can and tell him he can arrange a time to get the rest, then have someone there when he comes.

If you're nervous and scared because (like me) the idea of a 'scene' upsets you or because you just don't want to 'hurt his feelings', then you just need to push those feelings down and tell him.

Either way speak your truth plainly; "I've given a lot of thought to your suggestion that my mum move out. That's not going to happen so you need to leave. I don't intend to discuss it, my decision is final". Rinse and repeat "You need to leave" if/when he starts arguing/crying/trying to 'compromise'/etc.

He is being unreasonable. He either puts a ring on it or buggers off.

Exactly what I Said

Exactly what I said