To think my colleagues are being inconsiderate?

[Sophie2525]

I couldn’t make it work yesterday, my Dad usually has DD on a Tuesday, however he couldn’t take care of DD today as his Dad (my grandad) is very poorly, he needed to be with him. So I had no childcare.
I’m usually very reliable and try to cover shifts as much possible, even though it’s a struggle with childcare.
I explained the reason I couldn’t make it in, I work with just females, who give the impression they are kind but not one of them asked how my grandad is, I just got the impression they didn’t give a fuck.
Im now in the mindset I just don’t want to make effort with them unless it’s work relate. Am I being pathetic ?

Up to a point - as deemed “reasonable”, and for the purpose of resolving the urgent situation usually. We have no idea of the back drop here though.

Unfortunately they are probably miffed that they had to cover your work because you had no childcare.
people don’t care about others and they won’t care your grandad is poorly, albeit asking would have been nice, I would have asked, but that’s me
(hope he is ok)
but the bottom line is you didn’t come to work cos your child care fell through. I’m sure they’d ask if it was ‘I didn’t go to work because my grandad suddenly became really sick and I had to be with him’

and for the person who patronisingly said you ‘must be very young’ to have grandparents - I’m almost 34 & have 2 grandmothers still alive. Yes I’m young in the grand scheme of things but I’m not very young. No need to be patronising that wasn’t very nice. My Nan was one of my best friends until she got crippling dementia and forgot who I was. Perspective.

@LimePi Are you one of those "I say it like it is" arseholes? Or just a keyboard warrior that wouldn't dream of saying that to someone's face?

You will understandably be upset due to what is going on with your grandad

i would always personally ask someone if I knew about it but it may be as PPs have said that
they didn’t know
they were distracted
they forgot
they didn’t know what to say
or they didn’t know if they were meant to know so thought it best not to say anything.

i think things are always more upsetting when people don’t do things that you know you would do yourself if the roles were reversed

hope youre okay x

@RebelMoon
no, I wouldnt say to OP’s face “I don’t give a fuck about your grandfather” because it is rude. BUT she is asking for the truth on mumsnet.

I wouldn’t care about random co-worker’s GP enough to proactively ask how they are or say something, most sane people do not really care and I don’t feel bad about it. If it comes up in a conversation I’ll say what’s expected but I really do not CARE. Nor do most people with their own life/no special connection to OP

I agree.

Most people who do ask are being polite and are not that interested in the answer. Unless we die prematurely (which is a tragedy) we will all get old and with age comes sickness. I wouldn't expect the colleagues of my grandchildren (when they are old enough to have colleagues) to be concerned about my health. In fact, I think it would be a bit weird if they were, if they don't know me.

It would be a difficult and painful existence if we were to concern ourselves with the health of every elderly stranger related to the people we work with.

Except in the context of OP's absence due to lack of childcare, the subject of her grandfather's health would presumably have been irrelevant anyway.

You are lucky you can work AND have child care!! I certainly don’t think your colleagues should have a great deal of sympathy - your kids are your responsibility.

It's hard for parents when childcare falls through . And its upsetting when your grandparents get sick, even though they are getting old and it's inevitable. My Granddaughter was devastated when her other nan died,and she is very concerned if I'm sick . I feel for the op!
From my own current experience working as part of a small team of clean ers, we are concerned about each other's families, and so do the office staff we clean for. We pick up on each other's work if someone is absent without any resentment...we aren't kids, and we help each other out .

I always had backup childcare. Childminders and nurseries are expected to, so perhaps, given that grandad's health is likely to need more attention going forward (older folks tend to), then perhaps you need to look around to see who might be willing/ able to do the odd stint for you in emergencies, even if they are not able to do it on a frequent or regular basis. (I was 300 miles from my family)

Yes, sorry, you are being pathetic. They covered your shift - why should they have to ask about your Grandad's health as well? Do you take that much interest in their home lives?

Sadly work colleagues don't care. I didn't get a single message after my dad died just before Christmas. 3 people said they were sorry to hear about my dad when I went back and that was it (my manager didn't even mention it when I went back).
I hope your grandad is doing okay.

I think you should probably be grateful you have a job that is supportive of you having to miss work to look after a child. I've certainly had jobs where time is given grudgingly.

Maybe they actually don’t know why you’re off.

YABU as you don't even know if they were aware of your granddad's illness

For all you know when you called in and explained it all to your manager they then just went to the rest of the staff and said "Op won't be in today so can you all cover XYZ tasks please?" so they have no idea why you weren't in so don't know to ask.

Or they may have said "OP won't be in today as her childcare has fallen through" and made no mention of your granddad's illness so they don't know to ask.

Or they may have said "OP won't be in today as she's had some personal issues" so they don't know to ask.

There's a million and one ways that the news "OP is not in today" can be imparted to your colleagues without them being given any personal information and even if they were given the information, if you're not close normally then why would they ask?

My colleague didn’t come in to work today because their dog was off colour- their words- I was raging 🤦

Wow. My colleagues in every work place I’ve been in are much nicer than all of yours sound! We’ve always been genuinely sympathetic when a colleague has something going on in their lives and would definitely ask after your granddad (this does assume they know though, have you explained the situation to anyone other than your line manager?). I’m in a medical profession and we have each others’ backs and couldn’t do our jobs without this

It's the same for me, and has been all my working life.
Based on this thread, I feel very fortunate to have worked in such good environments.

Why would they ask after your granddad? You sound slightly spoiled and self-centred. Why do your colleagues need to make your domestic situation front and centre of their lives? How much do you know about your colleagues parents and grandparents? How much support have you given your colleagues for their domestic circumstances? Because everyone has them.

OP?

Do they even know? Has it registered with them? Most adults whose grandparents are still alive know they will die someday soon and they're ill all the time beforehand. Everyone else lost theirs a long time ago.

I'm 40 with two living grandparents, 22 years ago when I became an adult they were not about to die 'sometime soon'. One, in particular, when they go, will hit me hard, as it will my almost adult child.

Yes, I'm 40 with two grandparents and my mother lost her last when she was 43.

You don't know how ill the girlfriend was. Sometimes you can be genuinely too ill to look after a child.

Yes, same, in every workplace.

I'd also start from the assumption that a grandparent or an aunt or uncle was as important to the person as a parent unless I knew otherwise. It's very common to be closer to other relatives where there are difficult relationships between children and parents. My mother was very close to an elderly aunt due to the family situation.

Jeez. What a load of heartless robots on this thread.

Hope your grandad is OK, OP.

I'm sorry but I hate working with people who expect everyone else to be so interested in their lives. In actual fact, I AM interested and will say things when I want to say them. This is usually less for the kind of people who always seem to to need attention.