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AIBU?

Man on school run

336 replies

Frisps · 16/01/2024 11:36

I see a man every morning on the school run and he stares at me. Like a really intense look and what I can only describe as an ‘evil’ sort of angry glare look on his face. I’ve no idea why. Never spoke to him, never had any issue. He doesn’t know me or anyone I know on the school run. His children are in a different year group to mine so there is no issues there. I just always see him every morning. The first few times he did it I just smiled but now I keep trying to avoid eye contact when I go past him but I can tell he’s still doing it as I feel his eyes on me as I go past. I did think I was being paranoid but I’m definitely not. the last couple of days he’s also walked past my car when I’ve been parked and I’ve been sat in it minding my own business. I’ve looked out my windscreen and then as he’s passed my window I’ve felt his eyes on me so looked and he’s staring at me like that whilst looking into my car window at me as he passes. I’m starting to feel quite annoyed and intimidated by this. What would you do?

OP posts:
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Shannon50 · 18/01/2024 20:42

Whatsinanumber: You really think that woman didn't have something against you, don't believe everything you hear.... Some women are snakes and will say anything, as not to make them look bad, but believe there is something more than meets the eye.

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Ilovecleaning · 19/01/2024 03:46

savethatkitty · 18/01/2024 14:25

Kill him with kindness. Next time he does it, muster up a huge smile & greet him with a cheerful hello, like you've known him forever.

Kindly meant advice, I’m sure, but she should not risk it.

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EmeraldA129 · 19/01/2024 07:58

Begsthequestion · 17/01/2024 19:41

To all the posters saying "so what, it's just staring, you're probably imagining it, there's nothing really wrong with it" - these days, in some contexts staring is considered harassment. There's a police awareness campaign about staring on the tube for example:

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-61263393

This guy seems to be going for intimidation rather than sexual harassment.

I have a similar scenario going on, and I'm also wondering how to deal with it...I think the guy doing it in my case is possibly quite unwell though so I'm not going to confront him. Op may feel differently about a parent at the school gate however.

But from what she’s said he just sounds like a guy waiting to kick up his kid from school. No sexual harassment angle that I can see. The idea that this constitutes harassment marginalises the experiences of people who are ACTUALLY being harassed.

Op, he’s regularly picking his kid up from school which in itself probably makes him stand out. You can safely approach him at the school gates with all the other parents around.

Don't ask him why he’s staring at you, say hi & ask if your kids know each other, then say hi to his kid when they come out of school. If after doing this you feel that there is actually an underlying issue then speak to the school.

teachers have enough to do without needing to investigate whether or not another parent has looked at you the wrong way. Their time should be spent caring for & supporting our kids; not their parents.

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littlemissdelightful · 19/01/2024 11:37

Personally, I think asking him if "there's a reason he's drawing you daggers" could lead to it turning nasty; you've started the conversation in a defensive way which will most likely invoke him as he may take it as you being aggressive.

I would address it; I'd say something like "Hi, how are you? Are you okay?" In a friendly tone? If he asks why then bring up the looks, if he responds normally, talk to him & when you can gage his personality then ask him if he's friendly.

I say this as someone who's prone to switching on people if I can pick up an aggressive tone from the offset. Joys of ADHD 🥴

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superplumb · 19/01/2024 13:45

Shout morning in a really sarcastic way and put on a huge smile...or stick on sunglasses and ignore him.

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Mumof2girls2121 · 20/01/2024 10:40

Change my routine

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SaladFingerz · 30/01/2024 09:45

@Frisps you ok hun? What happened?

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Begsthequestion · 30/01/2024 16:37

EmeraldA129 · 19/01/2024 07:58

But from what she’s said he just sounds like a guy waiting to kick up his kid from school. No sexual harassment angle that I can see. The idea that this constitutes harassment marginalises the experiences of people who are ACTUALLY being harassed.

Op, he’s regularly picking his kid up from school which in itself probably makes him stand out. You can safely approach him at the school gates with all the other parents around.

Don't ask him why he’s staring at you, say hi & ask if your kids know each other, then say hi to his kid when they come out of school. If after doing this you feel that there is actually an underlying issue then speak to the school.

teachers have enough to do without needing to investigate whether or not another parent has looked at you the wrong way. Their time should be spent caring for & supporting our kids; not their parents.

Yes that's why I said it doesn't seem to be sexual harassment, more like intimidation, trying to make op feel uncomfortable. Guys like that sometimes have children who they pick up from school.

Op feels harassed so no need to put anyone down saying it's not ACTUALLY real.

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EmeraldA129 · 31/01/2024 04:44

Begsthequestion · 30/01/2024 16:37

Yes that's why I said it doesn't seem to be sexual harassment, more like intimidation, trying to make op feel uncomfortable. Guys like that sometimes have children who they pick up from school.

Op feels harassed so no need to put anyone down saying it's not ACTUALLY real.

The article you shared is entirely about staring as a form of sexual harassment & the examples in it do not mirror what the op has said about the school dad.

im not putting the op down, I think that you are adding layers to the situation that will cause everyone in it undue stress.

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Begsthequestion · 06/02/2024 15:25

EmeraldA129 · 31/01/2024 04:44

The article you shared is entirely about staring as a form of sexual harassment & the examples in it do not mirror what the op has said about the school dad.

im not putting the op down, I think that you are adding layers to the situation that will cause everyone in it undue stress.

Yes, I wrote all that in my post. About how staring can be harassment, that there's anti-sexual harassment messaging about staring on the tube, and how in op's case it's not sexual, but staring for intimidation instead.

I think other people on the thread understand what I meant, especially now I've repeated it two more times in response to your misinterpretation.

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EmeraldA129 · 06/02/2024 21:10

Begsthequestion · 06/02/2024 15:25

Yes, I wrote all that in my post. About how staring can be harassment, that there's anti-sexual harassment messaging about staring on the tube, and how in op's case it's not sexual, but staring for intimidation instead.

I think other people on the thread understand what I meant, especially now I've repeated it two more times in response to your misinterpretation.

Ok, thanks for clarifying. Just to be clear, I’m not putting the op down; I was suggesting you shared irrelevant information to twist the thread.

i can’t believe this is still going on as a thread, so let’s just leave it there.

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