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AIBU?

Man on school run

336 replies

Frisps · 16/01/2024 11:36

I see a man every morning on the school run and he stares at me. Like a really intense look and what I can only describe as an ‘evil’ sort of angry glare look on his face. I’ve no idea why. Never spoke to him, never had any issue. He doesn’t know me or anyone I know on the school run. His children are in a different year group to mine so there is no issues there. I just always see him every morning. The first few times he did it I just smiled but now I keep trying to avoid eye contact when I go past him but I can tell he’s still doing it as I feel his eyes on me as I go past. I did think I was being paranoid but I’m definitely not. the last couple of days he’s also walked past my car when I’ve been parked and I’ve been sat in it minding my own business. I’ve looked out my windscreen and then as he’s passed my window I’ve felt his eyes on me so looked and he’s staring at me like that whilst looking into my car window at me as he passes. I’m starting to feel quite annoyed and intimidated by this. What would you do?

OP posts:
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Devonsongbird · 18/01/2024 08:12

I would see how he interacts with other people…if he’s the same with everyone else then you’ll know he’s not singling you out.
if he’s happy and smiley with other people and is just being weird with you-you could just stay as far away as possible or smile and say “good morning, just wondering if I know you from somewhere?” Get a sense of his tone etc.

there is a chap I see walking his dog most days and I smile and say good morning but he looks daggers at me and my husband. I recently learned that he has a cognitive impairment.

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eastegg · 18/01/2024 08:16

Champers66 · 18/01/2024 06:44

No- you know people are looking at you even when you aren’t directly looking at them.. and if someone was glaring at you in a weird way everyday I’m sure you would feel on edge too. Unfair to make out she’s being weird by finding it weird.

Totally agree. Can’t believe the number of posters who’ve trotted out this ‘how do you know you’re being stared at without staring yourself’ rubbish. The usual faux-confused, empathy-bypass AIBU crap I suppose. It’s as if some people have never had the experience of being stared at, which I would have thought was pretty universal.

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MrsMarzetti · 18/01/2024 08:40

You have a gut feeling for a reason, listen to it. Can you park on the opposite side of the school to where you park now ? Just keep your wits about you. There is not much else you can do.

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Megifer · 18/01/2024 09:04

eastegg · 18/01/2024 08:16

Totally agree. Can’t believe the number of posters who’ve trotted out this ‘how do you know you’re being stared at without staring yourself’ rubbish. The usual faux-confused, empathy-bypass AIBU crap I suppose. It’s as if some people have never had the experience of being stared at, which I would have thought was pretty universal.

Been stared at for no reason many a time. Sometimes by the same person. Ignoring it worked pretty well.

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dawngreen · 18/01/2024 09:06

Do you drive a boy racers type of car? maybe he has a thing about women drivers.

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OldPerson · 18/01/2024 10:46

Speak to the head teacher. It is intimidation and bullying and shouldn't be happening at the school gates. The head teacher will talk to the parent and find out what is going on. And then you can take it from there.

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Iwasafool · 18/01/2024 10:59

OldPerson · 18/01/2024 10:46

Speak to the head teacher. It is intimidation and bullying and shouldn't be happening at the school gates. The head teacher will talk to the parent and find out what is going on. And then you can take it from there.

Heads always seem to say if it is off school premises there is nothing they can do. This happened even when my child was physically assaulted within sight of the school gate by other pupils. I can't imagine a man looking at a woman in broad daylight in a crowded area is going to get the Head involved.

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Megifer · 18/01/2024 11:03

What do people think the school would do? Genuine question.

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eastegg · 18/01/2024 11:05

Megifer · 18/01/2024 09:04

Been stared at for no reason many a time. Sometimes by the same person. Ignoring it worked pretty well.

I’ve no real issue with ‘ignore it’ as a response. Fine. It’s the ‘the OP must be staring in order to know it’s happening’ or ‘the OP must be doing something wrong’ posts I was complaining about.

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Megifer · 18/01/2024 11:12

eastegg · 18/01/2024 11:05

I’ve no real issue with ‘ignore it’ as a response. Fine. It’s the ‘the OP must be staring in order to know it’s happening’ or ‘the OP must be doing something wrong’ posts I was complaining about.

Sorry I'm a prat I misread your post 😩

Yea fwiw I think its pretty easy to suss out someone's staring without 'staring' back.

And I can see that staring can constitute harassment but I think that would rely on a lot more context than "man stares for 10 mins on a school run", on a tube I think it would be different as it's enclosed space, closer to the person, can't avoid it or escape it etc.

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st9 · 18/01/2024 11:25

I think listen to your gut on it. There could be an innocent explanation, or this guy could be a weirdo and it could escalate. I'd suggest taking someone else with you like a friend and confronting him in a low key way - eg "Morning. Can I just ask, is everything OK?" Elaborate if you need to - "it's just I've noticed you looking quite disgruntled a few times and I just wondered if I'd done something to offend/upset you" - if he reacts aggressively, he'll probably let you know his problem and you'll have back up with you. Or he might just be mortified and apologise and hopefully you can laugh it off. But hopefully it will flush it out either way.

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Ilovecleaning · 18/01/2024 11:46

Megifer · 18/01/2024 11:03

What do people think the school would do? Genuine question.

Nothing. And it would sound a bit weird. I can imagine the head saying to her colleagues ‘ A parent has just complained to me that a man outside is staring at her! What the hell does she think I can do…?’

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eastegg · 18/01/2024 11:48

Megifer · 18/01/2024 11:12

Sorry I'm a prat I misread your post 😩

Yea fwiw I think its pretty easy to suss out someone's staring without 'staring' back.

And I can see that staring can constitute harassment but I think that would rely on a lot more context than "man stares for 10 mins on a school run", on a tube I think it would be different as it's enclosed space, closer to the person, can't avoid it or escape it etc.

No worries 😀

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Louise303 · 18/01/2024 11:49

It is probably someone that knew you or a family member at school or in the area. I would ask him he might think you remember him and are being weird it can easily happen. I had this with a woman in the supermarket years ago turned out she was in my year in primary and high school. She was staring at me wondering where she knew me from and I did the same I did not recognise her she had changed so much.

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OldPerson · 18/01/2024 12:42

Sorry my experience has been completely different with schools - state schools. I've reported children on the way home for bullying (one known child and one identified by social media) and once, in school uniform, setting a small fire at the end of our road (more stupidity than arson). Both schools responded appropriately and called in the pupils and their parents. Maybe it's just living in a smallish town. But we have 4 Secondary Schools in very close proximity and a whole bunch of Junior Schools and all the schools are very involved with the community. I can't believe "all other schools and head teachers" would ignore the situation. If there is a conflict issue with parents at the school gate, I really believe most schools would try to resolve it to avoid it escalating.

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Iwasafool · 18/01/2024 12:51

OldPerson · 18/01/2024 12:42

Sorry my experience has been completely different with schools - state schools. I've reported children on the way home for bullying (one known child and one identified by social media) and once, in school uniform, setting a small fire at the end of our road (more stupidity than arson). Both schools responded appropriately and called in the pupils and their parents. Maybe it's just living in a smallish town. But we have 4 Secondary Schools in very close proximity and a whole bunch of Junior Schools and all the schools are very involved with the community. I can't believe "all other schools and head teachers" would ignore the situation. If there is a conflict issue with parents at the school gate, I really believe most schools would try to resolve it to avoid it escalating.

Well local schools in my small town wouldn't do it but they also wouldn't tell you what they'd done about it, that is unusual in most situations due to privacy. Even if you report something that happens in school they will say they will deal with it but they don't report back to you on things like they've called the parents in.

Your town doesn't sound that small with 4 secondary schools.

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savethatkitty · 18/01/2024 14:25

Kill him with kindness. Next time he does it, muster up a huge smile & greet him with a cheerful hello, like you've known him forever.

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Wimin123 · 18/01/2024 15:20

Trust your gut instinct as others have said. Try and walk with another parent and alert them to it. Staying aware is sensible- lots of very naive people wander around not noticing things at all.

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LittleMonks11 · 18/01/2024 15:25

Where on earth is OP?

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SerafinasGoose · 18/01/2024 16:20

LittleMonks11 · 18/01/2024 15:25

Where on earth is OP?

Probably bored to tears with reading the many ignorant responses that assume she must be paranoid, or staring at him in order to know he's staring at her, or has left her motor idling, or must have offended him in some way. Rinse and repeat ad nauseam.

I know I would be.

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bemusedmoose · 18/01/2024 17:08

Maybe be it's just a the way he looks!? I look like a grumpy cow when I'm in my own world and often just stare because I've switched off. People probably think the same about me!

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LittleMonks11 · 18/01/2024 17:14

It's the year 2678...

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Redragtoabull · 18/01/2024 18:08

Call him out, but he may just have a resting arsehole face

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Shannon50 · 18/01/2024 20:15

I know it might be scary but don't give him the satisfaction by looking, he probably has women staring at him because they can't help themselves. know how that feels but I'm female.

Some women seem to think if a man looks or smiles in there direction, they fancy them. I was told this by a man i went to school with.

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NotQuiteNorma · 18/01/2024 20:40

I have this same issue with a man in the next street to me. Years ago one day as I was walking home toward him I suddenly noticed he was looking at me like he wanted to kill me. No idea who he is or what his problem is but he's done it for years and I just pretend I haven't even noticed him now as it's got boring. If he hasn't had the balls to get it off his chest (whatever it is) by now, then he's never going to. If his wife is reading this, your old man is a sad fat old bastard. I can't imagine how many bottles of wine it must take before you let him clamber on top of you with his gross flabby gut, he gets fatter every time I see him and he might benefit from getting a job or a hobby.

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