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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Man on school run

337 replies

Frisps · 16/01/2024 11:36

I see a man every morning on the school run and he stares at me. Like a really intense look and what I can only describe as an ‘evil’ sort of angry glare look on his face. I’ve no idea why. Never spoke to him, never had any issue. He doesn’t know me or anyone I know on the school run. His children are in a different year group to mine so there is no issues there. I just always see him every morning. The first few times he did it I just smiled but now I keep trying to avoid eye contact when I go past him but I can tell he’s still doing it as I feel his eyes on me as I go past. I did think I was being paranoid but I’m definitely not. the last couple of days he’s also walked past my car when I’ve been parked and I’ve been sat in it minding my own business. I’ve looked out my windscreen and then as he’s passed my window I’ve felt his eyes on me so looked and he’s staring at me like that whilst looking into my car window at me as he passes. I’m starting to feel quite annoyed and intimidated by this. What would you do?

OP posts:
JoBrandsCleaner · 17/01/2024 21:48

He’s probably just a bit bonkers, as you get older you’ll come across them more and more. Just ignore it

AntiHop · 17/01/2024 22:00

That would really upset and unnerve me. I'd assume that he'd mistaken me for someone else.

CountessWindyBottom · 17/01/2024 22:18

I think you really have to trust your instincts. You’re obviously getting a really bad vibe from him and we should always pay attention to these. Make discreet enquiries as to who he is, park elsewhere and just don’t look at him. He could be a murderer in the making, he could simply fancy the look of you, it may be his resting bitch face, he may be blind as a bat…..goodness only knows! But heed the feeling he evokes as they are usually there for a reason.

IcedBananas · 17/01/2024 22:28

Surely other parents have started to notice this if its as clear as you suggest. Has anyone commented? What about taking a friend with you to see if they also notice it? If others are noticing too, I think the 'sorry do you know me from somewhere?' Might be a good way to go but be wary if you think he might be aggressive

stayathomer · 17/01/2024 22:34

Are there mums you can ask about him? Either to watch it happen or let you know what it is?

thenicelist · 17/01/2024 22:44

Can you take a male partner / friend with you next time and ask them to watch what he does? I'd be interested to know if he alters his reaction in any way.

Finallyfree41 · 17/01/2024 22:53

Op, you sound exactly like I did a few years ago. I used to say ‘look at the way this man stares at me’ to my friends. Really freaked me out. A few months later he asked me out. Apparently it was his flirty look…he’s now my husband 😂

Babyghirl · 17/01/2024 23:04

@Frisps
Maybe it's someone from your teenage years you annoyed or poked fun at in school, or maybe his wife only thing i can think off.

Minniliscious · 17/01/2024 23:07
looking jawad bendaoud GIF

OP - is it something like this?

PatienceTried · 17/01/2024 23:13

Are you keeping the engine running in your car while you sit there? That is problematic

ImustLearn2Cook · 17/01/2024 23:25

Begsthequestion · 17/01/2024 19:41

To all the posters saying "so what, it's just staring, you're probably imagining it, there's nothing really wrong with it" - these days, in some contexts staring is considered harassment. There's a police awareness campaign about staring on the tube for example:

https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-61263393

This guy seems to be going for intimidation rather than sexual harassment.

I have a similar scenario going on, and I'm also wondering how to deal with it...I think the guy doing it in my case is possibly quite unwell though so I'm not going to confront him. Op may feel differently about a parent at the school gate however.

@Begsthequestion That is quite a good article. Thx for sharing it. Intrusive staring is a form of harassment and can be unnerving.

SellWell · 17/01/2024 23:42

This kind of happened to my daughter a little while ago. This guy just kept staring at her very intensely for long enough for her to notice, and make her feel slightly uncomfortable. He was also picking up a child from the school gates so couldn't avoid him. After about a month of this, while with her partner, she went up to him and just said hello. He then asked her if he knew someone called "SellWell" as he knew them at middle school and she looked identical to her XX many years later. Obviously she then twigged, laughed , and said yep, that's my MUM !! I don't remember him from school at all 😳

2024GarlicCloves · 18/01/2024 00:06

Gunpowder · 17/01/2024 20:23

When people do things like this my mother always asks them ‘can I help you?’ in a loud voice. She’s small but formidable. If they are a wrong’un it scares them off, if they are staring for a legitimate reason they usually apologise and explain.

I've scared off two burglars by asking if I could help them 😂 "Do the unexpected" is often great advice!

ensayers · 18/01/2024 00:13

It makes no difference if it's a resting bitch face or not, it doesn't matter whether he's doing it to other people or not, if he is holding eye contact directly at you for more than a few seconds then he is staring, he might not be aware that he does it, call him out on it anyway, be direct. "Why are you staring at me"
Maybe you'll get a reason, maybe you'll get a sorry, either way it will probably be the end of it

FeetLikeFlippers · 18/01/2024 01:47

SerafinasGoose · 16/01/2024 12:08

Not to pick holes or anything, but feeling someone's eyes on us when we're not looking isn't something I'd describe as precious. This instinct has been hardwired into humans across many millennia. It's there for self-preservation and designed to ensure our very survival. That's the reason every single one of us is familiar with that feeling: evolution in action.

Same thing goes for the gut instinct. Maybe this dude is a creep, maybe he does it to other people as well, maybe he's just naturally nosy, maybe he's just nothing at all. Whatever he is, he's making OP uncomfortable and it's a pity women are the ones who have to risk-assess all the time, even when we don't necessarily know we are doing it.

One to avoid where possible, OP. I see that this is difficult, but school drop-off is fortunately a short-lived commitment.

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SerafinasGoose (or should that be SerafinasCanadaGoose? 😉) - a sensible and balanced response at last!

thebestinterest · 18/01/2024 01:51

OP, I understand how unsettling this must make you feel!

I had a very similar incident happen to me, only it was a woman who would stare at me in this intimidating way. You would have sworn that I had murdered her loved one. Chilling. She did it again at another time and I point blank asked her WTF her problem was. She never answered and she she never did it again!

mamboshirt · 18/01/2024 02:17

Can you not just walk around a corner?

Pinkbonbon · 18/01/2024 02:24

If you're getting the... gut squirmies off him he's probably a sociopath. They like to do angry intimidating stares at people. And to get in your space.

You usually feel 'threat'. By the way they look at you. Like you know a predator is sizing you up. Because they are.

I'd give them a 'WHAT?' kind of look. Don't show any kind of fear or intimidation. Do not engage with them. Do not run away. Treat them like you would any predators sizing you up - puff yourself up, show that you've noticed them, act like you know they are not a threat to you.

ironedcurtain · 18/01/2024 03:59

SerafinasGoose · 16/01/2024 12:08

Not to pick holes or anything, but feeling someone's eyes on us when we're not looking isn't something I'd describe as precious. This instinct has been hardwired into humans across many millennia. It's there for self-preservation and designed to ensure our very survival. That's the reason every single one of us is familiar with that feeling: evolution in action.

Same thing goes for the gut instinct. Maybe this dude is a creep, maybe he does it to other people as well, maybe he's just naturally nosy, maybe he's just nothing at all. Whatever he is, he's making OP uncomfortable and it's a pity women are the ones who have to risk-assess all the time, even when we don't necessarily know we are doing it.

One to avoid where possible, OP. I see that this is difficult, but school drop-off is fortunately a short-lived commitment.

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Yeah but I ALWAYS feel someone is following me when walking home late at night, one day it might well be true but I don't think it's been true the last few thousand times

RKP123 · 18/01/2024 04:21

Turn up in a policeman's uniform 🤣. They're are some dodgy people about so it's easy to say ignore or talk to them but you've got to be careful too.

I think either try talking to him or carry on ignoring it.

Amybelle88 · 18/01/2024 04:58

"Are you ok??", "can I help you?" I'd ask one of these.

Be forthright - it's not a 'you' thing like others have said when you're sitting in your car and he's looking through your windscreen at you.

Nonewclothes2024 · 18/01/2024 06:35

I'd have to say something 'is everything ok?'

Champers66 · 18/01/2024 06:44

MaggieFS · 16/01/2024 11:50

Making eye contact is normal. How do you know it's him passing your window to "feel" his eyes? You're also looking at him!

Just say a cheery morning!

No- you know people are looking at you even when you aren’t directly looking at them.. and if someone was glaring at you in a weird way everyday I’m sure you would feel on edge too. Unfair to make out she’s being weird by finding it weird.

pollymere · 18/01/2024 07:52

He could be ND or have sight issues. Perhaps getting to know him is the best option here?

eastegg · 18/01/2024 08:11

Justanothernumber1 · 16/01/2024 12:35

Bump into him while holding a big pile of binders, then bond when you both crouch down to pick up all the papers

Love this one😂. You’ve watched too many romcoms!