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AIBU?

Man on school run

336 replies

Frisps · 16/01/2024 11:36

I see a man every morning on the school run and he stares at me. Like a really intense look and what I can only describe as an ‘evil’ sort of angry glare look on his face. I’ve no idea why. Never spoke to him, never had any issue. He doesn’t know me or anyone I know on the school run. His children are in a different year group to mine so there is no issues there. I just always see him every morning. The first few times he did it I just smiled but now I keep trying to avoid eye contact when I go past him but I can tell he’s still doing it as I feel his eyes on me as I go past. I did think I was being paranoid but I’m definitely not. the last couple of days he’s also walked past my car when I’ve been parked and I’ve been sat in it minding my own business. I’ve looked out my windscreen and then as he’s passed my window I’ve felt his eyes on me so looked and he’s staring at me like that whilst looking into my car window at me as he passes. I’m starting to feel quite annoyed and intimidated by this. What would you do?

OP posts:
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letitialane · 16/01/2024 11:57

Can't you just ignore it? Surely it'll stop if he's not said/actually doing anything to you. It's not worth worrying about. At least I wouldn't, anyway.

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SerafinasGoose · 16/01/2024 11:59

anarchicparadise · 16/01/2024 11:45

OP this is your chance to put him in his place.

”Hi, sorry do I know you? Do you know me? Why are you drawing me daggers?”

be forthright.

If you're going to confront him at all - and I don't know whether or not I'd bother or file this away under 'small stuff' - then the way @anarchicparadise suggests above is the way to do it. That, or grin and wave cheekily to him, and move on.

I'm not sure why so many people, when confronting someone behaving a certain way toward them, ask what it is they've personally done to prompt that behaviour.

Don't pick up their baggage or internalize their shit. This is his problem, not yours, OP.

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Jk987 · 16/01/2024 12:00

Definitely confront him and ask another school mum to come with you while you do it.

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Jessforless · 16/01/2024 12:01

Can’t you just ignore it?

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LauderSyme · 16/01/2024 12:01

I would have to ask the next time we made eye contact ..."can I help you?"

I agree with @Mazuslongtoenail that I might well stare daggers at a mum whose child was nasty to mine.

Could he possibly know you from a different context such as your job? He could be one of hundreds of customers, so he recognises you but you don't know him from Adam.

Perhaps you remind him of someone and he is trying to figure out who? Or he knows who and he hates them?! Do you drive an SUV? Lots of people find them annoying and excessive.

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trollopolis · 16/01/2024 12:02

Well you've been watching him enough to have noticed what age his DC, so perhaps he thinks you're the strange intrusive one. Especially as you started off smiley.

It's normal to look at people as they pass you. And if he's always looking intense, it's probably just his resting face.

Perhaps if you stopped looking in his face to see how his eyes are, then you'd find it easier to ignore him (and he could keep on ignoring you)

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SweetBirdsong · 16/01/2024 12:05

kelsaecobbles · 16/01/2024 11:43

Perhaps he's noticed this strange woman who keeps looking at him ?

This. ^ just don't look at him @Frisps ! Not that hard really. OR go to a different place to wait for you DC. If he follows you and keeps staring (and following you so he CAN keep staring,) then confront him then. Ask him if he has a problem with you.

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WinterLobelia · 16/01/2024 12:07

He may be just one of those men who enjoy intimidating women.

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ImCamembertTheBigCheese · 16/01/2024 12:07

kelsaecobbles · 16/01/2024 11:43

Perhaps he's noticed this strange woman who keeps looking at him ?

I agree. You have to be looking at him to notice he is looking at you so much

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SerafinasGoose · 16/01/2024 12:08

MaggieNextDoor · 16/01/2024 11:52

He might be extremely short-sighted and be totally unaware he is looking in your direction. Saying you can feel his eyes on you when you're not looking at him sounds a bit precious to be honest. I would walk up to him and ask him why he is looking at you like that, but don't be surprised if he's taken aback and doesn't know what you're talking about.

Not to pick holes or anything, but feeling someone's eyes on us when we're not looking isn't something I'd describe as precious. This instinct has been hardwired into humans across many millennia. It's there for self-preservation and designed to ensure our very survival. That's the reason every single one of us is familiar with that feeling: evolution in action.

Same thing goes for the gut instinct. Maybe this dude is a creep, maybe he does it to other people as well, maybe he's just naturally nosy, maybe he's just nothing at all. Whatever he is, he's making OP uncomfortable and it's a pity women are the ones who have to risk-assess all the time, even when we don't necessarily know we are doing it.

One to avoid where possible, OP. I see that this is difficult, but school drop-off is fortunately a short-lived commitment.

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bjrce · 16/01/2024 12:12

WinterLobelia · 16/01/2024 12:07

He may be just one of those men who enjoy intimidating women.

My thoughts exactly!

Under no circumstances would I approach him.

I would completely ignore him. He sounds like a nutter. Its probable that he know what he's doing and will continue to do it, I wouldn't engage with someone like that.

At pick up - I would wear dark glasses so he won't get any further opportunity to see you if you happen to glance in his direction.
I would make a point of blanking him and just completely ignore.

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RestingMurderousFace · 16/01/2024 12:13

Resting murderous face? It’s a terrible affliction.

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ManchesterLu · 16/01/2024 12:15

I got accused of this once, I had to explain that it was just my face. They were suitably embarrassed. Resting bitch face is awful, particularly when I am normally absolutely fine and happy!

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PuggyPuggyPuggy · 16/01/2024 12:16

Of all the people in the world, my mum really ought to know what my my face looks like. And yet, she frequently questions me intently on "what is wrong" when I am just blankly minding my own business. I have taken to saying "it's just how my face looks, ok?" And I'm considering progressing to "thanks for letting me know that my face is not acceptable, that's really cheered me up"

What I'm saying is that the expression others read into people's faces often has no bearing on the face-haver's state of mind

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Crumpleton · 16/01/2024 12:18

KissMyArt · 16/01/2024 11:48

You only have 2 choices as far as I can see.

Ignore him or speak to him.

Or look him in the eye and don't drop the stare.

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SkulkHollow · 16/01/2024 12:19

I'd do absolutely nothing. It's just a dad on the school run minding his own business. If someone came up to me and accused me of giving them daggers out of the blue I'd think they were fucking mental.

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SnowflakeSparkles · 16/01/2024 12:20

My partner is lovely but he has a very serious looking look on his face as a default. He's also a bit vain and concerned when his hair is longer that it looks scruffy or out of place so has been known to check his reflection in car windows 😅

If he's literally never said anything to you, it could be that he's just looking at you because you're looking at him.

He could also be an absolute creep, let's be real there's enough of them out there. I would just avoid and forget about him and stop looking at him to see if he is looking at you, because it won't change anything either way.

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BobbyBiscuits · 16/01/2024 12:23

Maybe that's just his expression. He might be terminally hung over, in massive debt, just got divorced, has a terrible disease etc. Some people look terrifying but then you say something and their face completely softens and they turn out to be lovely. It has happened before when I thought someone was a right miserable sod and scary AF. Chatted to them and they were nice as pie!

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WhatWhereWho · 16/01/2024 12:25

Perhaps he's confused by a woman who's been angrily staring at him for months?

Or perhaps he's just looking around outside and you are not the focal point of his school run.

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Beautiful3 · 16/01/2024 12:25

I had this with a mum on the school run. For weeks I moaned about it to my husband. He said to me, next time you see her make that face just say , "are you okay?" I did it, and she looked embarrassed, she never did it, to me anymore.

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Fireflymeme · 16/01/2024 12:27

Do you wear a Canada goose coat? I always stare daggers at those cruel wankers.

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Travelfan2021 · 16/01/2024 12:31

This reply has been withdrawn

Removed at poster's request due to privacy concerns.

ReignOfError · 16/01/2024 12:33

I’d just beam brightly at him and say things like ‘morning! Lovely/miserable day! Nice to be back in a routine/not enjoying having to get up early at this time of year’ and see what he does.

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TinselTitts · 16/01/2024 12:34

Fireflymeme · 16/01/2024 12:27

Do you wear a Canada goose coat? I always stare daggers at those cruel wankers.

You'll do it to the wrong person at the wrong time and get a smack in the mouth one day I expect.

Assuming you haven't already?

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Stringagal · 16/01/2024 12:34

MagpiePi · 16/01/2024 11:41

Is it his resting bitch face?

I had a school mum who looked like she wanted to murder me every day, very unnerving, but it turned out her face is just like that. Unfortunate.

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