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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Man on school run

337 replies

Frisps · 16/01/2024 11:36

I see a man every morning on the school run and he stares at me. Like a really intense look and what I can only describe as an ‘evil’ sort of angry glare look on his face. I’ve no idea why. Never spoke to him, never had any issue. He doesn’t know me or anyone I know on the school run. His children are in a different year group to mine so there is no issues there. I just always see him every morning. The first few times he did it I just smiled but now I keep trying to avoid eye contact when I go past him but I can tell he’s still doing it as I feel his eyes on me as I go past. I did think I was being paranoid but I’m definitely not. the last couple of days he’s also walked past my car when I’ve been parked and I’ve been sat in it minding my own business. I’ve looked out my windscreen and then as he’s passed my window I’ve felt his eyes on me so looked and he’s staring at me like that whilst looking into my car window at me as he passes. I’m starting to feel quite annoyed and intimidated by this. What would you do?

OP posts:
gannett · 17/01/2024 11:50

Ignore him. This is the best advice for all possibilities.

Likeliest scenario is that he has resting bitch face and is just doing a 100-yard stare without even clocking the OP. If she confronts him in any way she will look absolutely batshit. I have massive RBF and was once asked why I was looking at someone like that. I hadn't even noticed them.

Then there's the scenario that he's glaring at OP deliberately because of something she's done. I don't think this is remotely likely, but if it is she doesn't need to do anything about it until/unless he uses his words to tell her.

Then there's the scenario that he's being deliberately weird or creepy, which is also vanishingly unlikely on the evidence we have. In which case it could be actively dangerous to escalate or confront him. Just avoid him.

Tbh I couldn't really get worked up about whether or how someone looked at me. Other people will look at or through you all the time and it's almost never anything to do with you yourself.

SinnerBoy · 17/01/2024 11:55

gannett · Today 11:50

Likeliest scenario is that he has resting bitch face and is just doing a 100-yard stare without even clocking the OP.

He's staring into her car, as he walks past.

Sartre · 17/01/2024 11:57

Are you absolutely certain he’s specifically staring at you and it isn’t just resting bitch face? To me, it sounds a bit paranoid on your part.

Dotjones · 17/01/2024 12:04

Record him on your phone. Do it so it looks like you're on a video call or something, just happen to be holding it in front of your face pointed in his direction. Either he'll look away or you'll get the evidence on video. (Evidence for what, I'm not sure - even if he is staring at you, that's not a crime.)

WeeMary · 17/01/2024 12:11

WTAF

SaladFingerz · 17/01/2024 12:28

@Frisps what happened this morning?

Becgoz7 · 17/01/2024 17:36

My brother's face is like this all the time.

I'd have to ask him if he has a problem

rchblf · 17/01/2024 17:45

It could be a case of mistaken identity. I would make a point of directly saying good morning to see how he reacts. Try not to let someone you don't know have a negative impact on your day, just ignore and smile then have a great day.😃

jjkins · 17/01/2024 17:54

I remember something similar happened to me years ago but I experienced this look from 95% of the parents at my child's school. We were new to the school and I guess they just didn't like change.
It didn't bother me as I knew most of the parents and their kids weren't the nicest so I never made friends sadly. Thank god those days are over! Some people are just horrible and go out their way to try to intimidate people but I was not one to be messed with so I just ignored them all for a full 2 years!

mandlerparr · 17/01/2024 17:55

Just say hi. Ask how they are. Talk about the weather. The school. Small talk them to death.

CanNotRelate · 17/01/2024 18:01
Meme Reaction GIF by Robert E Blackmon

100% agree

LilySLE · 17/01/2024 18:03

Sorry to go against the grain, but I think you’re right to be concerned. Mention it to other mums. Ask around if anyone knows him. Not in a gossiping kind of a way, in case someone is his best mate. Usually in a school there will be a mum with an older child in the relevant year group.
And take care. Be vigilant. Do school run with another mum if you can to get a second opinion.

Pippauk · 17/01/2024 18:08

Try saying something like "have we met before?". See what he says. I don't blame you fir feeling uncomfortable I think I would too if it were me

TheWK · 17/01/2024 18:11

Just a thought, but are you idling your engine whilst waiting & is he upset with you pumping out pollutants into his kids lungs?

Lots of people idle their engines absent mindedly and don’t realise the impact of it on other people (and themselves)

spidermonkeys · 17/01/2024 18:14

Oddly I had this exact experience a few years ago. Eventually I 'confronted' about it.

Turns out he thought I was someone else. 😂😂

He was quite nice after that!

MaitreKarlsson · 17/01/2024 18:14

Follow your instincts OP - there is something going on.
If you confront him, make sure you're with someone else.

Greymustard · 17/01/2024 18:19

This thread is wild. Dad legitimately on the school run, walking past the same people on the same route everyday and OP isn't looking at him but knows he is looking at her.

He's probably wondering why a weirdo keeps staring at him everyday, because if she isn't staring how does she know where he is all the time. A weirdo who also knows what year his kid is in..... Talk about a witch hunt.

(The chap that does my parents garden sometimes stares a bit. Its because hes painfully shy, sometimes he looks a little intense, it's just because he can't muster up the courage to speak).

Ignore him. Poor chap. Be kind.

Frangipanyoul8r · 17/01/2024 18:23

Can you imagine how much effort it would take to single someone out on the school run and “glare” at them at every opportunity. No one would bother doing this when they’re a parent and have their own child to drop off.

Wildpaul59 · 17/01/2024 18:24

I completely agree with FusionChefGeoff answer.
Makes a lot of sense and if nothing else will clear the air and stop it.

Fionaville · 17/01/2024 18:24

Do you talk to any other parents at school? I'd be asking round, see what his deal is. You may find he's just an intense looking person.

Lozzie86 · 17/01/2024 18:24

I had this issue with a dad at the school. Always looking like he was going to murder me. Finally established that the issue is just that I'm not white. I didn't really give a toss after that and didn't acknowledge him.

wetpebbles · 17/01/2024 18:25

You could wear sunglasses then you can watch him a bit more

MumTeacherofMany · 17/01/2024 18:26

Maybe it's just his face? I know a few people who look like they're glaring lol but they just have RBF. You could always ask him "is everything ok?"

PlipPlopChoo · 17/01/2024 18:28

Are you using your phone?

kristie1988 · 17/01/2024 18:29

Any news how did the school run go today