To say No to this charity BS

[EffingBirthdays]

DS9 and 3 school mates are sharing a birthday party in few days .
I ve made a point to the other mums that we should add a note to what’s app group to kindly bring one present max , absolutely no need for anything more as kids will share

Thats when one of the other mums had the bright idea to donate ALL gifts to kids related charity - apparently her friend did it with her kid and it was massive success all parents were very happy etc

WTAF! Party is not cheap, and how the fuck do I say this to ds?

I don’t mind donating the odd gift but we have more than 40 kids invited, wtaf?

all other 3 mums agreed, wtf do I do? AIBU?

My daughters share a birthday and when they had parties together they got a gift each from mum and dad but if they had same friends wanting to come or siblings i didnt say bring a gift for each child. Also if they didnt bring a gift it didnt matter

sorry all I am having to deal with a sick DS so it’s been fun two days 🙄

just to clarify on my original proposal of “sharing one gift”, we ve done this before , we basically put all presents down after the party (the ones with either no name or all of their names together ) and divide.. they just chose from the pack of gifts and they are always quite happy like that

By sharing the party, the cost came down and we managed to invite whole year group. I simply cannot afford more than ten ish kids. I feel quite crappy not inviting other kids 😣

Someone mentioned here I should be careful for next year .. good call and there is nooooooooo effing way in my life time I share a party again… I’d rather eat a screwdriver ! 😶

No clue which charity we re going for , they’re debating , I’m staying out of it but I know at the end me and the other two mums will end up organising the whole gift giving .. the VM mum with the bright idea tends to “delegate” she’s good like that she’s done fuck all for this party

Some of you here suggested I do something special for DS… lovely idea, I ll take him somewhere special straight after party

thank you all massively for your responses xxxxx

" I don't agree with this, birthdays are special to children and I'd like my son to enjoy the gifts other people have generously put thought into buying"

I suggested you tell the other mums that your son wanted to donate his gifts to a charity of his choice and then let him decide which ones he wants to keep/donate when he gets home. If you really wanted to do this for your son, you could. Seeing as you’re persisting with the madness, I’ll assume that you’re either quite happy for this to go ahead, or this is all made up.

We ll help the boys decide next week just before the party, but tbh they won’t care, it might be a maturity thing. Other mums are discussing options and the boys can get involved at the end, I am not getting involved at the moment I am still quite annoyed and not mentally ready .

we re not keeping anything, everything goes to charity. It’s not my choice

i wish it was made up 😂

Yes, it is your choice. Use your words.

“Actually xy and z, my son would like to choose his own charity to donate to. Therefore I’ll take his share with me after the party and we’ll distribute them ourselves”.

Are you very young? I can’t really understand why you’re letting these women walk all over you. Tell them you’re making your own donation - and then do what you like with the presents when you get home. The fact that you’re refusing to do this on behalf of your child leads me to think this isn’t genuine.

You’re making assumptions about the age and about me refusing

I am not refusing , I am not mentally ready to deal with this crap … tbh it’s a good idea , I ll definitely need to have more of a saying especially as I couldn’t go against the whole thing.

By sharing the party, the cost came down and we managed to invite whole year group. I simply cannot afford more than ten ish kids. I feel quite crappy not inviting other kids

10 kids is plenty!

Really glad whole class parties have never been a thing when I was a kid or when mine were!

How can they put thought in to a present when they don’t know which kid would receive it?

Not isn't your choice, it's your DCs choice. Imagine at Christmas if your mum, DH, MIL just decided for you that you had too many things and they were giving your presents away. You would rightly not be impressed because they are your presents.
The kids deserve to be treated with more respect than they are being. Plenty of time for a teaching opportunity about charity that isn't their fucking birthday! Advocate for your kid here because they can't.

Yes 1000% good point …hadn’t thought about it like this earlier

thank you all appreciate it

How about saying that they can either donate to charity or bring a gift, as the party is in a few days some people may have already brought gifts

That way hopefully the kids get maybe a gift or 2 each

Personally I think the gift givers should be told well in advance - because I would be annoyed that a gift I have bought for a child is basically being declared unwanted before it's even been opened. I actually think that's quite rude.
@EffingBirthdays well I hope it all goes well for you and isn't too much of a disaster.

Agreed, it’s beyond rude, I would be very fucked off as I would have sorted the gift at least a week in advance.

Imagine at Christmas if your mum, DH, MIL just decided for you that you had too many things and they were giving your presents away.

Indeed!

The presents belong to the boys, not their mothers. It's not reasonable to expect children to give their birthday presents away.

we re not keeping anything, everything goes to charity. It’s not my choice

What's that saying...
Charity begins at home...

We do shared birthdays and each guest gives a €5 to each birthday boy as a present. It's brilliant

We do shared birthdays and each guest gives a €5 to each birthday boy as a present. It's brilliant

Can't you say to the group that the idea of giving presents to charity is a good idea and perhaps each child will decide which gift they want to give to charity i.e 1 gift per child, that way they are learning to be generous without being deprived of all their gifts which seems cruel to 9 year old

Sorry I don't agree. My child will be having his presents as they are not mine to give away.
Do they do this with their own presents? I doubt it.
I would suggest they do this themselves. Witches.

If you've decided to go along with this, please make all the parents aware. I would not be buying a gift. I give money to charities I support, which is always more valuable than toys, and if I buy someone a gift I don't anticipate it will be taken from them before they've even opened it.

I can’t believe what I have just actually sat and read. What the actual hell!!! Your poor boy waits all year his birthday and from his party he can’t keep one single present!!! I’d grow some big balls pretty damn quick if I were you. Not on.

I actually wish I hadn’t read this post it’s really upset me and bothered me. Birthdays to children are special. As his mum stand your ground with these women and put them back in their box and tell them to fuck right off, who cares if they will talk about you for a week or so. You will get over it. . If they want to donate to charity that’s great but let them throw a charity party of their own.

Poor kids. How disappointing for them.