To say No to this charity BS

[EffingBirthdays]

DS9 and 3 school mates are sharing a birthday party in few days .
I ve made a point to the other mums that we should add a note to what’s app group to kindly bring one present max , absolutely no need for anything more as kids will share

Thats when one of the other mums had the bright idea to donate ALL gifts to kids related charity - apparently her friend did it with her kid and it was massive success all parents were very happy etc

WTAF! Party is not cheap, and how the fuck do I say this to ds?

I don’t mind donating the odd gift but we have more than 40 kids invited, wtaf?

all other 3 mums agreed, wtf do I do? AIBU?

I'd let them pick one each... rest go to the charity. Best of both worlds really. And there will probably be alot of gifts the boys wouldn't like/use anyway that other kids may love.
I always explain to my lil one that the party Is also a gift as its expensive. And she usually has that or a big gift to choose from. So she understands the party and everything that comes with it isn't cheap.
I wouldn't have a problem if a mum suggested that to me.
I hope the boys enjoy their party x

Urgh they sound like a bunch of do-gooders, can guarantee at least one of the other mums is just going along with it and doesnt really want to either. A party youre expected presents, cost of living crisis and all that they cant expect everyone to be financially well off enough to just give their kids presents away. Awkward convo to have so i get it, maybe tell them you havent got your kid many presents as youve done a party and knew they would get presents that way so its kind of ruined your plans.

OP, I still don’t under why you can’t tip off any closer friends in the invitee list and give them a nod that your child would be upset. Surely they’d rather make your child happy? That way they can choose whether gift goes to charity or they give your child’s gift directly to you outside of this group donation.

I really wouldn’t be going along with this.

When they say 'give to charity' what do they mean? Unwrap them and take to the charity shop? If that's the case then the parents should bring an old good condition toy instead of buying something new. It is a terrible idea in my opinion. If the four kids were having separate parties they'd be able to have their gifts. I think there should be four tables and the invitees bring four presents but small ones.

1 gift per attendees very sensible and have done this before. Kids just pick the wrapped presents and it's pot luck.
I'd suggest to keep the peace that you say that the kids get to pick 1 or 2 each and then the rest go to charity.

And avoid for next year !

Just say they're not your presents to give away. It's up to the sender and to the kids.

Why an old condition toy? Do charity receivers only deserve old toys? (Misses the point of the thread)

This reminds me of a party when the parents were soooo cheeky and didn't want to spend money on party bags. Told everyone to bring a book they didn't read any more and kids would take home one from the pile - and that was the party bag

@Sodndashitall so you would rather your child gets some random gift that they may not have any interest in - but the gift his best mate purposely chose because best mate knows exactly what he loves and is obsessed with goes to charity?
The whole idea shows how bad gift buying with so many people just buying random stuff (we see this with all the Christmas threads).
Ask the parent (or child) what type of things they like or give a voucher/money. Stop with all this random "I hope they like this" gifts.

Have you actually done this for your child's party?
Would you tell the parents in advance that your DD was only keeping one gift?

What people are missing here is these are 9 (turning 10?) year old children.
Children of that age actually talk to each other and will discuss gifts and even tell each other what present has already been bought or planned to buy.
They aren't toddlers.

No child needs 39 other gifts from their class mates - it's irrelevant how much the party cost - you don't pay for a party to get the equivalent in gifts back for your child

I think you'll be teaching your child about giving to those less fortunate by donating the gifts

@hanschristmassolo that's the thing - these big parties are just ridiculous. I'm not convinced children actually enjoy them that much.
I never invited more than about 7 children to my daughter's parties and we had them at home (which is a small flat btw).

I haven't personally no.

But I would just say to guest each child is going to pick one gift as a birthday present and we will be donating the rest to which every charity. I'd personally not have any issue with that if another patent told Me that was the plan.

I'd take my daughter to donate them as I like her to see what she's doing. We do the Christmas boxes and Easter egg collections. And when she gets to give others the gifts she always seems really happy to be doing it x

@Laura0076 I would like to know exactly which charity it is before I would consider even doing that.
If I didn't get an acceptable answer I wouldn't bring a gift to be "donated" to random who knows who.

If there's 40 children coming ang 3 boys, maybe they take 10 presents each and donate 10 to charity?

Oh absolutely I understand that. Is be the same.
I think in a way it makes the bringing just one gift easier when there are 4 children who are sharing the party. As bring 4 gifts is pricy!
I'd be happy to do it but as you say I'd like to know where the gifts are going.
At christmas a girl I know did a collection for the children's ward at our local hospital amd I git to see the gifts I bought going to the children and that was lovely. (Not for credit... just to see the kids happy woth there gifts)

@Laura0076 if your child was invited to 4 separate parties though you'd still be buying 4 gifts.
Gifts don't have to be expensive though. As I said upthread for 9 year olds a packed of Pokémon cards and a chocolate bar would make them very happy (cost about £3 or £4).

That's very true. I usually bulk buy a load when the works does 3 for £12 I think £4 a gift is pretty reasonable. I always try to get something that the invites hinted the child might like lol.
I'm not against spending money for the parties. Me and my lil one do alot of charity work as I've had a rough past and I need to use things such as food banks, emergency housing etc. And I like her to see the value of that also x

@Laura0076 that's the thing - I regularly give to charity but obviously I choose who I donate too.
I refused to do a "shoebox" once because I don't think Samaritans Purse (who they were intended for) is a good charity.

I think that the better idea would have been for parents to contribute to a fund for a joint present to be bought for each child or a link provided to a charity instead.

This could have been avoided if you’d addressed the situation with the group yesterday morning, instead of posting here.

If I were you, I’d send a message to the party mums saying your child would like to donate his presents to a charity of his own choice so could presents be divided into piles on the day to enable this to happen. You then decide what you want to do with them when he gets home and opens them. Nobody else needs to know what you’ve done with them - I personally would be removing myself from the party WhatsApp and not commenting on it further. If other mums want to take photos of their darlings delivering toys to the needy to share on social media, let them. Keep out of it.

@EarringsandLipstick DS will not be going to a private south side school. It'll be a rural county school where most of the kids are from farms! The party venue thing I don't see working here, there just isn't anywhere close enough so it probably will be parties at peoples houses, but I like the though of him getting money towards buying one decent present. Hopefully it is already the 'thing' in the school. If not I'll wait until his birthday and request it, ppl might do the same for their kids then

I understand that. I mainly stick to small local charities where I can take the donation personally... such a shame its condition to checking donations go to a charity ... this world 🤯

This is an overly complicated situation and that's why shared parties are a nightmare.

The decision should not have been made without you and I'm not sure why the other Mums discussed this without you.

If you do decide to go along with this, then the parents of the children coming definitely need an heads up, as they may not want to pay out for a gift that's just going to be donated elsewhere.

If you do all decide, instead, to go with a one present (or whatever) request, how is that going to work in terms of sharing amongst the DC?!

Would it just be easier to arrange a PayPal collection over WatsApp for parents to then either split and get each child something they would like, or to donate to a charity you can (hopefully) all agree on.

Good luck, as I think you might need it!