To say No to this charity BS

[EffingBirthdays]

DS9 and 3 school mates are sharing a birthday party in few days .
I ve made a point to the other mums that we should add a note to what’s app group to kindly bring one present max , absolutely no need for anything more as kids will share

Thats when one of the other mums had the bright idea to donate ALL gifts to kids related charity - apparently her friend did it with her kid and it was massive success all parents were very happy etc

WTAF! Party is not cheap, and how the fuck do I say this to ds?

I don’t mind donating the odd gift but we have more than 40 kids invited, wtaf?

all other 3 mums agreed, wtf do I do? AIBU?

@EffingBirthdays how much money did you save on sharing the party?

Can you use some of that to actually give a present to each of the other boys and one extra for your son? To be given at school or somewhere the boys can open and not have them whisked away to "charity" (if i were you i'd keep an eye on local selling pages, being a bit cynical here)

Sounds sensible!

If my child was invited to a party with 4 hosts I would probably be buying fairly cheap presents tbh. We're only getting one fun day and you are splitting the costs and hassle. So bringing one gift sounds good but how would you have shared them? Giving them all away will actually be easier and fairer but I prefer to pick my own charity. No obvious perfect answer, but it's out of your hands now.

Aye but not a conscience about all the plastic destined for landfill… I wish there was someone in the WhatsApp group to call out this bs. Op, add one of us! 😂

This. Quick breezy and to the point.

I think I need to know exactly how they would share? They're not siblings.

I think I'd pull out and do something myself for my kid. Poor kids aren't going to understand their parents need for SM attention.

How crap for the boys. Do they have to see a pile of nicely wrapped presents at the party that they won’t get? At least suggest that they get a couple each and the rest go to charity.

Can't you just point out that since the party is so close, it's a bit late to change plans now as parents will already have shopped based on what they were originally told, kids will already have expectations etc.

I would be tempted to reply with
“sorry but I don’t think children of this age will understand the concept and therefore don’t think this proposal works”.

Surely this is all a bit late to be arranging. If my child was coming I would already have purchased presents (for everyone assuming you haven't mentioned the one present thing before) and would be annoyed if I had picked something specific to their interests and it was donated.

tbh I am pissed off but I deserve it for sharing to save the cost

So was the point that they could all go to a particular venue?

Did the boys not invite ten kids each?

Op you have to say something! This is so unfair on your poor kid!

So who's breaking the news to your kid that this woman has decided he's giving his birthday presents away?

@PossumintheHouse cheap doesn't have to mean "tat" though. The cost of 4 gifts at once will still be the same if you had to spread them out.
There are plenty of things that 9 year old boys like that can be bought cheaply.
In fact that's a great age - packet of football cards and a bar of chocolate and they're happy as anything.

"Aww, it's really sweet that (their son's name) is wanting to do that. I don't think (your DS) is at the level of generosity/maturity yet and I don't want to force charitable behaviour on him on his birthday. If you have a charity in mind for (their son's name)'s presents, let me know and we'll have a clear out of some of the toys he's outgrown. :) "

I have thrown and attended lots of joint parities, 1 present per birthday child, it’s that simple. If people can’t afford a lot, £5 in a card or a small jester, my DDs have been given bags of sweets before. Parents should not be telling people not to give their children presents, it’s the child’s party, not the parents.

Hm, how do you actually ensure they all go to charity? What if her son really really wants a present from the pile of 40 presents with the mum who suggested it?

This exact same thing happened at my kids school last year. A joint party for 4 kids and asked for money donations to a charity instead of gifts. One of the families pulled out a week before and did her own party and no reason was given. Not many parents made the charity donation.

My children would have been gutted if all presents were taken away at the end to be donated to charity.

If I received a party invitation with this detail on I would think wtaf.
If I wanted to donate to a charity then I would, but my child wants to give your child a bday present at his party and you are instead telling me otherwise. I'd slip the present to your DS at school and tell him to keep schtum 🤐

I should add, there have been children bring nothing to my DDs parties, not often but it’s happened and I’ve never minded. One of my DDs got a present for £1.99 last year, I know the cost as I’d already bought one as a stocking filler, she loved it and cost was certainly not a factor for her.

What about the logistics here? Did you discuss which charity to give them to at all? Is there actually a local charity ready and willing to receive a large donation of 40 toys, and who's going to arrange to deliver them?

Just there's a difference from a gift-giver's perspective between "Thank you so much for the present, we're going to donate it to St Mungo's Home for Sad Orphans" v it all getting chucked in a tip behind Oxfam.

@pontipinemum Cash in a card has been a thing in my circle since 9/10 yrs; roughly when the kids start to get to the age when they’re not into toys, but want other stuff. £10 was going rate for an individual party and it makes life so much easier for both gift giver and receiver.

This!

Honestly its probably just a quick fix to avoid the drama about keeping everything seperate & the embarrassment of having to open all the gifts in front of every 1 while the kids debate which ones they want as there will enviably be some that are better then others & some that none of the kids want in response to OP's suggestion of kids bringing 1 gift each and them being shared between 4. All the other mothers would have agreed to just remove the gifts altogether & focus on the party