To wonder what happened to Janet and is she ok?

[letsbepositive2024]

Trying to keep this concise and sort of lighthearted as it's weirding me out.

DH friend Dave was/is married to Janet. He met up with Dave for gigs etc as they have a shared music interest. Janet also went to gigs with them as did her best friend, Sally. I met Janet and Sally quite a few times and all very friendly.

Six months ago Dave and Janet suddenly split up due to his excessive drinking, apparently. He's now sober and came around last night, and introduced Sally as his girlfriend! We had a pleasant enough evening but I just wanted to ask 'where is Janet? Are you still friends with her Sally? Was this an affair? Does she know?

I know it's none of my business and DH doesn't know anything but it's like Janet never existed and that her and Sally were never bestfriends. Sally was talking away quite happily about their plans and future and they're moving in together, but no mention of Janet.

It's makes me want to shout JANET and see if she metaphorically appears.

She did exist as I met her!

Am I losing it? Is this weird? Should I ask?

I'd hazard a guess that Janet and Sally are no longer friends

Blimey, it's a bit weird I agree. LIke he just cut and pasted sally in. For a man with a drinking problem, he had not only a girlfriend but a replacement lined up?

If you type 'Janet' in to facebook, does anything come up? Is Sally still friends with her on fb?

Yes personally I would ask what happened, you were friends with both Janet and Sally. Can’t you ask Janet what happened? If she is ok? Poor Janet 😔

Men are weird aren't they!? Your H didn't say ''are you and Janet divorcing?'' or ''did your relationship with sally cause the disappearance of Janet?''. Is Janet alive, well, sane, plotting your murder? Sally's murder? Or is she a Buddhist now.

It's not just me, is it? This is strange.

I don't know Janet that well to call her up, it was more DH music friends, but it does feel quite brutal.

Every time Sally spoke I wanted to say 'Janet'

DH asked nothing whereas I'm like WTAF?

Oh my god, poor Janet. I need to know where she is and what happened. You must find out

I couldn’t not say something about Janet. I’d just have to. It’s almost weird not to. But it’s for your DH to ask if they’re his friends I guess.

Poor Janet!

Your DH sounds just like mine. He wouldn't even THINK to ask what happened to Janet! And if I asked him to find out via Dave, he'd just say "oh it's none of my business".

I don't know any woman who wouldn't be itching to find out the story.

YANBU. I want to know what's happened to Janet too. Hope she's OK.

Oh god I would have just asked

Placemaking just to find out what TF happened to Janet??!!!

I think it would be reasonable to ask about Janet to either Sally or Dave if you're speaking to either of them alone.

I wouldn't bring it up if I was speaking to them together as a couple - might sound like you're judging them, but given the history it'd be fine to say to Dave "I was sorry to hear about you and Janet - is she ok?" or to Sally "So do you ever see Janet these days or is it too awkward?"

I'd be really tempted to 'accidentally' call her Janet as a way to bring up the conversation.

Not a man thing.

I wouldn’t be asking questions to Dave and Sally either. OP said Janet and Dave split due to his excessive drinking six months ago. It could have been a problem for years and been one of many problems until Janet decided it was best for her to leave him.

When was the last time you spoke to Janet, OP?

I would take a wild guess at the following...

where is Janet?
Hopefully somewhere far away with a nice new boyfriend

Are you still friends with her Sally?
Nope

Was this an affair?
Yep

Does she know?
Yep

Yes it’s weird. One of my sons friends - they weren’t married but long term partners. 10 plus years and got together just after his first wife left him and engaged but never got round to marrying.

She was step mum to that daughter who came to live with her (L now about 14) they had a son called C now about 10.

My friend and her partner were arguing so she moved out to work on the relationship (it didn’t help his mother moved in prior to lockdown for a couple of months and was still there 3 years later!).

so my friend rents somewhere local in June. In July he moves her best friend G into his house and says it just happened G was comforting him and then suddenly she moves in and they are engaged etc literally in about 5 weeks. In October they get married (!!!) so in the space of like 4 months the kids lose mum / step mum as she is just replaced by his new wife living in the house.

My friend has moved away but this woman her best friend has just literally taken her place at the PTA and everything just weird

I wouldn’t be wondering ‘what happened’ to Janet, exactly - she left her husband and is presumably better off without him. I’m guessing that if she wanted to stay in touch with your DH, she probably would have, but just wanted to make a clean break. It sounds like Dave is friend and Janet was only really a friend because she was married to Dave.

However, I would absolutely be wanting to know how the Sally situation came about and what the hell happened over the last six months, and in what order! And what Janet thinks about this! Does she even know!? I can’t believe your DH hasn’t asked about ANY of this 🤣 My DP Is terrible for not mentioning the elephant/the Sally in the room in this sort of situation but I think even he would say “Er… so, how did you two get together…?”

I think I would have said 'and how is Janet?'

I think the ‘drinking’ problem was possibly a Sally problem. It was awkward for Janet because she wasn’t your friends as such, you are Dave’s friends more and that friendship will continue.

My DH wouldn’t ask either 🤔🤦🏼‍♀️

Oh gawd your DH sounds just like mine and it drives me mad! Poor Janet. I'd feel just like you, OP, and would be dying to know what happened to her. But my DH wouldn't have asked either. I have no idea what he talks about when he's with his friends other than football and things they did when they were teens / much younger men. Never anything of substance. Quite sad, really!

Dammit Janet.

Strange that your husband knows nothing about the situation seeing as they are friends
If Dave isn’t telling him then they probably have something to hide and we’re having an affair whilst he was still with his wife, well that’s what I would assume
It was kind of strange that a single woman was tagging along with 2 couples and going to gigs, Does she seem like the kind of woman that would steal a husband?

I thought this would be about running.

Under no circumstances become friends with Sally! I hope Janet is having a fab life in somewhere amazing.