To wonder what happened to Janet and is she ok?

[letsbepositive2024]

Trying to keep this concise and sort of lighthearted as it's weirding me out.

DH friend Dave was/is married to Janet. He met up with Dave for gigs etc as they have a shared music interest. Janet also went to gigs with them as did her best friend, Sally. I met Janet and Sally quite a few times and all very friendly.

Six months ago Dave and Janet suddenly split up due to his excessive drinking, apparently. He's now sober and came around last night, and introduced Sally as his girlfriend! We had a pleasant enough evening but I just wanted to ask 'where is Janet? Are you still friends with her Sally? Was this an affair? Does she know?

I know it's none of my business and DH doesn't know anything but it's like Janet never existed and that her and Sally were never bestfriends. Sally was talking away quite happily about their plans and future and they're moving in together, but no mention of Janet.

It's makes me want to shout JANET and see if she metaphorically appears.

She did exist as I met her!

Am I losing it? Is this weird? Should I ask?

Surely situations like this are quite common? A couple split up and quite quickly one of them starts going out with someone else in the friendship group.
The new couple don’t go round explaining the situation to everyone because IT REALLY IS NOBODY’S BUSINESS.

It’s fascinating how many women will lap up other women’s sloppy seconds, tolerating all the crap, then behave as if they’ve won some kind of prize. I don’t just understand women who do that.

Pah.

it not being my business wouldn't stop me doing a Miss Marple and finding out what happened.

Yes, all the people joining in with the whole 'it is nobody else's business' chorus, you are not nearly as nice as you think you are.

It is not fair on Janet, for her ex and (presumably)ex-best friend to implicitly require everybody else to ignore the fact Janet has disappeared from their social circle when she was an intrinsic part of both of their lives 6 months ago.

I had my best friend 'steal' a man I was seeing when I was much younger, and the refusal of mutual friends to enforce any natural consequences for them was a profoundly hurtful experience that still influences my approach to some relationships and friendships to this day. For the better ultimately, I am rid of the lot of them and not nearly as green as most people seem to be over these matters.

But hell would freeze over before I just accepted this couple into my social circle. Fuck that.

THIS 😂😂

If they ask just say ‘oh it’s this band I went to see years ago… but oh yes what did happen to Janet?’

Well would you kindly ask your DH to go out with Dave for a pint or two, and ask the right questions (make him a list), because surely we need to know what happened with Janet?..

@Peaceandquietandacuppa 'Where's Janet?' is an absolutely brilliant name for a band. Or a novel...

I think it’s highly likely that Janet got mugged off here….

But I guess there is an outside chance they were swingers and she went off with someone - before we judge too much.

I hate to say ‘typical man’ (no I don’t), but they always seem to have the next one lined up when they see they’ve driven their current wife to the edge/got bored/going through the manopause. I hope Janet has rinsed the joint account and is sipping cocktails on a beach sometime, being waited on by a gorgeous, tanned, 6 packed man who can give more than a half cut, limp effort.

My dm used to interrogate my df for updates on everyone's life if he happened to meet any of their friends and acquaintances without her.

He would invariably express surprise at her curiosity and prove clueless with no new info to divulge. When she chided him for this, he would give a sheepish apology for his failure to conduct a ruthless debrief of the subject in question.

HOW DID YOU NOT ASK ??!!!

Accidentally call Sally Janet - profusely apologize, then go ‘oh, talking of Janet how is she……..?’

If you don’t ask now it will get past an acceptable level of nosey and you’ll (WE) will never know !

Actually no - GET THE T-SHIRTS 🙌

Is she on FB?

I need to know now too! Or ask Sally how long is it her and Save have been together now?

I don’t know why but that absolutely cracked me up 🤣🤣🤣

In my version Janet met Sally and got on like a house on fire.
Janet and Dave holidayed with Sally and Bob.
Bob had issues, which Sally felt would resolve themselves when they married. Bob thought once married, Sally would ignore the issues.
Bob and Sally split. Sally became very depressed while financials were being sorted.
Janet was worried about Sally - who looked sensational, largely because she wasn't eating. Sally shagged Dave until his ears dropped off. Janet got squeezed out of her own life.
Sally moved in with Dave, got married and had the children that Dave denied Janet.
Some people lived happily ever after ... particularly Dave who decide he quite liked cheating on the woman in his life.

As a pp said, she's been with Roy for ages.

And I genuinely thought that this thread was about Roy having bumped her off when I saw the OP title in 'active'.

Dave and Sally sound like horrible people.

Poor Janet. She might be somewhere really upset I'm hoping she's ok

In my experience of several male relatives, women are interchangeable. If they die or leave, you just get another one. Just have to remember a new name for a while but you know, you don't want to do your own cooking and cleaning!!!

An update (of sorts).

So Janet has moved back to her parents in another part of the country, Has new job and not coming back. Dave is/was an alcoholic and a total pain and she's glad he's out of her life and that is the genuine reason they split. Dave went to live with Sally with Janet's blessing as she had a spare room and Janet wanted him out but Dave and Sally getting together was a complete surprise (not sure I believe that part tbh) and not expected. Janet devastated by it all but determined to move on. No longer friends with Sally and that's the part that hurts the most.

Dave, by all accounts, is a twat and Sally a fool.

Do hope Janet recovers and finds happiness. I'll leave DH to Dickhead Dave and stay clear of Shitty Sally.

Poor Janet

Oh dear. Well done for investigating OP, and not just going along with the expectation you would ignore their behaviour. And also for acknowledging what was probably the most painful part wasn't the loss of the bloke, but the behaviour of a good friend.

And good for you for loosening your personal ties with these people and not validating and supporting their relationship.

😂

Thank you, my first thought exactly 😁

I thought of Micky Flanagan too!